Advice from the pros
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 09:18 PM
Let me start off by saying I lost my virginity not to long ago but the story is that of a joke than an erotic tale...
I went over to her house and we chilled for a while until things started heating up...by the way this girl has her experience...shes been with quite a few guys so I was nervous to say the least...and it doesn't help that I want to be perfect when it comes to things like this...I mean i felt that I couldn't do anything that would messure up to the other guys shes been with and I feel im obligated to pleasure her but idk maybe im just dumb....anyways back to the story...basically we start messing around and then she goes to get a condom...im sitting there trying to put it on and the damn bastard won't fit so I started getting really nervous and embarrassed and she was trying to just make me chill but I couldn't...so I finally got it on there and I felt like I had climbed a mountain....She tried to ride me first but it wouldn't fit so I was like what the hell...I mean this girl has been with quite a few guys remember that so I was thinking hey...this should be easy....but she hadn't had sex in a few months so I guessed that had something to do with it...anywho...we gave up with that so we went to missionary style...I FINALLY got it in and we started going at it....I was going about 10 minutes strong considering everyone told me I would get off in the first 2 minutes since I was a virgin...So everything is going great so we decide to switch it up...she asks if I would like to do it doggy style and I was like sure...little to my knowledge this was where it would start to decline...I tried putting it in and once again....you guessed it...it wouldn't fit so at this time I was mortified...I just couldn't get it in to save my life...I was getting so nervous that I started to lose my boner...I was like omg what the hell is happening to me...this should be the best time of my life I have an amazingly hot girl in front of me and I am losing my erection...that just added to it so I lost it while we tried to make an attempt to keep it the condom finally came off....so I went and threw it away in defeat and rinsed my cock off and she proceded to give me head...now after all that happened I basically was shot to hell in self esteem so I was deffinately not getting off while getting head but thats not the first time...I just can't seem to get off when I get head because I wan't to so bad that it seems like I just can't due to anxiety or whatnot...I just can't calm myself down...I know I sound pathetic right now but it really sucks...anyways back to the story...so we decided to call it a night but she was telling me that I wasn't as bad as I was making myself sound and that I was better than quite a few guys she had been with (But im thinking to myself shes just saying this so im not on the verge of suicide...but at the same time she wants to have sex with me again...so idk) But yeh idk now im afraid the next time I have sex with her ima be thinking about the first time and I'ma loose my erection again and then i'll just basically never wanna have sex again...Idk should I jack off more? should I jack off less? idk should i wait a few days prior to having sex to jack off so I'm more aroused...I really am confused about this but if you actually were kind enough to read this far please give me some suggestions or something because right now my self-esteem about my sexlife is at ground-0 :[
Any tips are welcome and appreciated...
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 09:21 PM
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 09:31 PM
I know that is not going to happen.
I got a friend that jokes around all the time and he said he has sex all the time he just haven't tried it with another person.
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 09:43 PM
What you experienced is normal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Let me try to shed some light on it for you.
When loss of erection occurs in the beginning of a relationship, or with young or inexperienced males, then it’s too early to call it a problem. You are probably just feeling a little nervous, scared, anxious, and excited - all at once. That’s normal, it’s common, and it’s ok. In the same way that thoughts and feelings alone can bring about an erection, they can also stifle one. Erections are vulnerable to distraction, nervousness, and anxiety. It takes awhile to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed with someone.
Loss of erection can cause a lot of confusion, upset, or even panic in some guys, as our penis, which has up to this point been reliable and ready for duty at anytime, can suddenly go limp due to the nervousness. The more into the lady you are, the better the chance you have of losing your erection because you want everything to go well and want to be sure to please her. It’s ironic that it’s the woman you’d most want to please that you may have erection problems with because you want everything to be perfect for her.
When that happens to you, don’t sweat it. Just relax. The more you worry about your erection, the harder it will be to raise it and keep it up. This can snowball into a big problem if not handled right. The more you worry, the tougher it will be to maintain the erection. The tougher it is to maintain the erection, the more you’ll worry. Get it?
Many men seem to believe that during each sexual episode, you only get one shot at an erection. If it doesn’t happen, then the sex act is ruined and they are failures. If you have this viewpoint, then you may become very anxious if you lose your erection. Your anxiety only helps to create a self-fulfilling prophecy by making your erection less likely to occur. Get out of this frame of mind. If you lose your erection, then stay calm and confident. Try asking your partner for direct stimulation. If your erection comes back, great! If it doesn’t, it’s no big deal. Move on to other forms for mutual pleasure. You can try again later that day, the next day, or in a few days. If you have chosen your partner wisely, she will understand your nervousness and won’t make a big deal out of it. Remember, it’s likely that she’s very nervous, also. In most instances, your erection loss is probably less of a concern for her than the potential anxiety, anger, depression, frustration, confusion, and withdrawal you may exhibit as a result of it.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that sex is only about a penis in a vagina. If your penis isn’t cooperating, then there are still plenty of ways to make love without a hard penis. Maybe the erection will come back. Maybe it won't. Either way, don't make a big deal over it and this will work itself out with a little bit of time, patience, and practice. This would be a great opportunity to focus on some touching, kissing, massages, or oral sex. A penis in a vagina isn’t even the most efficient or effective way to pleasure most women, anyway.
If a guy knows that he can pleasure his lady regardless of the presence of his erection, then he’s much less likely to worry about achieving one, which incidentally makes it more likely that he will achieve one. This makes it possible for him to be completely focused and in the moment, and it makes him a better, more confident lover.
I hope that helps!
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 09:54 PM
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:17 PM
I want to throw one more thing out at you that I think may help.
You mentioned trying to measure up to other guys that she has been with. Now, I'm a guy myself, so I know where you're coming from - honestly I do. But I'd like you to consider another angle for a second.
You see, my friend, a great lover isn't someone who always gets it right, who has the biggest penis, who can maintain an erection for 5 hours straight, who has the endurance of a marathon runner, and gives her the most orgasms she's ever had.
Instead, a great lover is someone who can make each lovemaking experience special and memorable, who can make his lady feel sexy, loved, and desired, and who makes sure his lady is satisfied every single time.
So, all I'm saying is don't try to "compete" with these other guys by trying to outlast or outperform them in the sack. That's just puts too much pressure on you. You don't need that. If you really want to shine, do it by showing genuine love, care, and concern for your lady. That's what REALLY matters.
Best of luck to you, Keep us updated, ok?
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:31 PM
Posted Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:55 PM
Posted Thu Oct 05, 2006 01:22 PM
Posted Thu Oct 05, 2006 03:22 PM
Posted Thu Oct 05, 2006 04:17 PM
I always recommend watching lots of porn. Not only do you pick up pointers from the pros, but you also get quit frustrated, and will have less of a chance of going limp due to your swollen nads prompting you on. hehe
Posted Thu Oct 05, 2006 06:52 PM
With that said I would watch it with the girl to help get her aroused other than that I would not use it for any other reason.
I do not call it bragging. I was just stating how strong the G-Spot orgasm is. But all girls will not squirt and some girls will and some girls will take some time to get them ready for the orgasm.
Posted Thu Oct 05, 2006 09:26 PM
Posted Fri Oct 06, 2006 04:54 AM
Michael got it right: you need to take things slowly. Find a girl who you can relax with, who will be understanding and willing to give it time. I agree that at first you should concentrate on pleasuring her in ways other than with your cock. Really focus on her pleasure and the sensations you get from her touch, taste, smell ... and an erection will come along, no problem.
Posted Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:42 AM