We don't live nearby each other, as most of you know. He has a rather "unpredictable" day job in that he never really has a set schedule, he gets home for the day at various different times ranging from early afternoon to late evening depending on what part of the state he spent his day in.
I was taking time away from him to be able to give myself some time to breathe and decide what I want/need out of this. We have not had sex in months. That said, I have been more than willing to get back to it over the last month. For one reason or another, it hasn't happened. But, most of these reasons are lack of communication on his part. This isn't even the correct term for it. Lack of... planning. Expecting me to somehow magically know that he wants to see me, and know when to show up, etc.
My current dilemma:
Let me break down a conversation for you. We're talking through text messages all day yesterday, I asked him if he wanted to get together because I was invited to some parties but i'd rather spend the day with him if he was available. He then asked me questions about the parties, their location, times, etc. Expressing sincere interest as if he wanted to go. I told him we could do whatever he wanted, we could get dressed up for Halloween and go out and party or we could sit at home and watch movies.
Suddenly the text messages stopped. This was probably 5pm. I didn't press after my last message went unanswered. If there's one thing I am very fearful of with him, is that he's going to find me too clingy. So I let it go. I figured fine, no big deal, another time. There was NO commitment, no plans made. Just general conversation, he never said for sure that he wanted to see me. So this was my answer - not tonight. He never said what he wanted to do.
8:30 pm comes around, i'm on facebook. He posts a status update that he's cleaning his apartment and listening to music. I found this insanely rude. I was beyond pissed at that point, I had missed all the above mentioned parties because I had waited all night to hear from him. So I told him exactly that, I sent him a message saying thanks for getting back to me, I had missed all the parties. And here is the problem.
He says, in a nutshell, that he just got home, got showered, and was cleaning up for me. I replied that there was no way for me to know that, and that I was under the impression we weren't doing anything. He then replied again "No, I just didn't know when I was going to get home from work."
Now this was either A) A load of crap, and he had completely (somehow) forgotten about me. or B ) He's really stupid enough to think i'm supposed to read his mind. Or, C) I'm just losing my mind.
This is NOT the first time this has happened. The same thing has happened, two other times that I can remember very very clearly. One, we had mentioned getting together the next day. The next day comes and I don't hear from him. He texts me, tries to call, but I was studying for school and had my phone on silent. Then he pops up on IM saying he was trying to get ahold of me. And asked me why I hadn't come over, was I mad at him, etc. What? He never said he wanted me to come over! Then, just recently, I was visiting my mom and he was out of town and we talked about maybe getting together when he got back. He texts hours after we casually had talked about it "Where are you?" And I said "At my moms, where are you?" "At home waiting for you." In this situation, it was 10pm at this point. Had he thought to tell me yes he wanted to see me, and he was leaving for home at such and such time, I could have met him at home instead of arriving at midnight. I ended up not going this time because it was too late.
Now, each time this has happened I have tried different tactics. Getting angry. Pointing out that I'm not a mind reader. And asking nicely "Don't you think you should tell me that you want to see me and what time, where we're meeting, what we're doing?"
I have tried everything and I just don't understand. I mean, what am I missing here? This is becoming a serious problem. The only thing that I can think of is that in his mind, i'm welcome to come whenever so when I talk about it i'm just supposed to stop by. Maybe? But, it's an hour and a half drive! I am not going to drive out there to stop in and find he's not there or he's not in the mood or he has company.
Somebody HELP! This is driving me absolutely mad, I don't understand! I mean, I know we have communication issues but this is beyond a communication issue. I don't know how many other ways to ask him to PLEASE make things clearer, make plans with me... because I can't read minds. I've said that, more than once. Yet, it continues. What the hell?
This post has been edited by ♪♫Lyrical♫♪: Sat Oct 30, 2010 07:37 PM