Girlfriend and drugs
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:50 AM
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:17 PM
A drug thing is a very big problem especially when is repetitive use of addicting drugs, because a habit could be formed or she could possibly OD or get slipped a cocktail drug and not know it. However, im talking the harder drugs or the more dangerous ones because they are chemicals, made in labs in some cases and very commonly alter when going through the pyramid or dealers. I would encourage her not to use the harder drugs, but personally dont feel that you should be sicken by marijuana use, its really common.
However, if smoking pot is something you absolutely cannot deal with or something you are really against (cause yes it is illegal) then thats something you are going to have to decide and approach her about stopping, and there maybe a reason for her drug use as opposed to just experimentally.
I would say go hang out with her at her friends house and see how they are while she is smoking and if you think it is something that is as bad as you have built it up in your head to be, also maybe y'all should sit down and talk about each others experiences so she understands the possible bad that could come from drug use and you could understand her standpoint on still using.
Ultimately its your decision, i dont personally put myself in the position where hard drugs are around me because i've had my experiences with them and i would rather keep them out of my life, but i fiind nothing wrong with marijuana, just not my cup of tea.
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 12:50 PM
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 05:31 PM
I am not saying this to bring you down, just as a bit of advice from someone who has seen things thru the years.
She is leading a different lifestyle than you on levels and, that is sometimes(not always) when cheating takes place.
Tell her to tell you if she wants to sleep or have sexual relations with someone else. I mean, just have a heart to heart with her on this one... tell her you will do the same. If you can stick to that BOTH of you can avoid cheating on each other. Tell her that some mother-fucker(that's me) out there is saying this from past experience of his own fucked up past relationships...
Just be lighthearted honest and open with her, that may be all you can do. Follow your heart and ask each other if you are a good match for each other.
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 08:18 PM
- Ask her which means more to her , smoking that or you . Either answer your going to be better off . She'll Quit using dope , or your going to be looking for a better grade girlfriend , a win win situation for you
- I have the same or even more hostile view on illegal drug use as you do & I refuse to even associate with stoners junkies & crackheads . I have better things to do , like brushing my teeth with a steel bristle brush ...............
Posted Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:48 PM
Overall, this is an issue that will need a lot of communication and clear boundaries. If you don't want her doing cocaine, then you need to set some ground rules and tell her exactly what you want without being vague or uncertain. Misunderstandings about what you each want can lead to your ground rules being broken inadvertently (if they're too vague and not specific enough), and that can lead to hurt feelings and fighting with her about this issue. If it's something you can get beyond, then that's great. If not, then that's alright, too. But if you can't get past her drug use, then you'll never be 100% happy with her. There will always be this one issue that doesn't go away, and it can drive a wedge between you.
Posted Mon Nov 01, 2010 05:41 PM
I've smoked, not steadily in many years, but i'll smoke at parties and such.
I think other drugs have the power to ruin a life. I don't necessarily believe pot does UNLESS:
1. They're spending money they don't have on it.
2. It interferes in their everyday life, relationships, career, etc.
3. They are using it daily, hourly, multiple times a day, to where they are in a constant state of stoned bliss and cannot function.
etc, etc, etc.
I put marijuana use right up there with alcohol. You can use it, you can abuse it, everyone is different and we won't all ever agree.
Posted Mon Nov 01, 2010 06:30 PM
There have been some comments that I very strongly disagree with. I don't see why she would be any more likely to cheat when having a smoke than she would be when having a few drinks and I don't see why you should be taking the moral high ground and giving her an ultimatum to choose between you or smoking.
You need to look for a middle ground - if you force her to stop she will either resent you or do it in secret. If you just hold it in while she is out smoking with her friends you will resent her.
Think about what is more important to you - her or the smoking and then talk to her about it.
Posted Mon Nov 01, 2010 06:44 PM
Posted Mon Nov 01, 2010 09:03 PM
Anything more then very occasional light drinking is not ok with me either. I prefer to date girls who dont drink. Im not trying to sound harsh or judgemental but thats the way it has to be.
Posted Mon Nov 01, 2010 09:03 PM
This post has been edited by GaryM: Mon Nov 01, 2010 09:04 PM
Posted Tue Nov 02, 2010 12:41 AM
Posted Tue Nov 02, 2010 02:35 PM
Posted Tue Nov 02, 2010 02:46 PM
Are you willing to stake your reputation, both personal and legal, on some probability (could be high, could be low) that she and/or her friends would step up, do the right thing, and admit that the dope is theirs?
Are you jazzed about the prospect of spending some quality time cuffed in the back of a cruiser until the cops get ownership sorted out?
In the event that nobody DOES flip, how deep are your pockets when you have to enter the criminal/legal process?
I could go on, but you catch my drift I'm certain.....
Posted Tue Nov 02, 2010 04:45 PM
So many discussions deal with roughly the same issue - I dig this person, but s/he does X, Y and Z and I'm not into that.
We all make choices. Those are the the choices made by him/her, now you get to make your choices. Too often do I see people trying to fit square pegs into round holes. You wouldn't want to force him/her into something that they're not would you? Eventually, they'll resume their old habits and then what? Leopards don't lose their spots so keep that in mind.
I think you have to ask what you want out of a relationship. Tally up what you have and then you've got something you can look at to help you make your decision. Good luck!
Posted Tue Nov 02, 2010 05:01 PM
It seems like it's more her issue than yours, but there's probably a little bit of both of you in there. When you're in a relationship, most issues involve both people.
As for fundamental differences between people, I don't believe people change too much over time. Sure, little things might change, and compromises are made, but if this is a core/foundational/fundamental difference between you, I really don't think things will change much - probably at least not enough to make a relationship with her work. I'd say that you're most likely better off finding a woman with whom you're more compatible on a basic level.