How do you know when you need to move on? Please help me!!!!
Posted Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:07 PM
I moved from Boston to Florida back in Sept 2008. I was here for 4 days and met a girl. Just got out of a 7 year relationship prior and that was part of the reason for the move. I never gave single life a chance down here but I am still with this girl almost 2.5 years later. We broke up last year for about 2 months and we both slept with other people. I was going to wait but then found out she did so I went ahead and was trying to move on. We ended up back together and things were ok for a few months. We decided to move in together and now we're about 6 months into it. Money has always been an issue between us because she thinks the man should provide and pay for everything. I agree to some extent but I have been trying to start a business and money has been tight the last year. She agreed to pay half the rent and half the bills upon moving in and has been unable to pay some of the time. I of course have picked up the slack. She owes me like $1800 and doesn't think she should have to pay it back even though before loaning it to her I clearly said I am borrowing this money off my overdraft so I need it back. She says she will pay it but never does, then I see her calling in sick to work to go out with her friends and buying useless stuff. She gets made when I comment on it. Ive considered the money a total loss and honestly I don't even care if I get it back at this point. I just get upset because she makes me feel like a piece of shit when I can't afford to take her out and tells me I do nothing for her anymore. We have had sex maybe 10 times in the last 8 months and she always makes excuses. It's at a point where I try to leave in the morning before she wakes up and try to come home after she leaves for work. I have also been noticing myself looking at other girls, obviously for the lack of attention I am getting from her. Im stuck in a lease until March 15th. I don't know what to do? I know I don't see myself marrying her, but on the other hand I have felt such love for her in the past, more so than I did in my 7 year relationship so it's really hard to walk away. We don't kiss or hug and barely even talk. Half the time we're in a fight over stupid things.I just turned 30 years old this past September, my business is starting to do well and I really want to leave her. I don't want to kick her out, but I would like to start moving on with my life. I feel like im in a prison sentence. I want to have a talk with her about how I will not be renewing the lease with her but I don't want the situation to be out of control the last two months. (I have to give 60 days notice befor moving out) I really just don't know what to do? She's not supportive of me at all, calls me dumb and a broke as loser. She did drugs to the point of rehab in her past and barely scrapped through high school while the worst drug I have ever done was smoked weed, have a college degree, a real estate license and now own a growing business. I also work a night job so three days a week I pull a 14 hour day. Im confident enough to know Im not a loser and that my life will take me where I would like to go yet I can't help feel like a piece of shit and that im not good enough...Please help me!
Posted Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:10 AM
First thing I'd do, is tell her that unless she smartens up, you're cancelling the lease. I'm basing this on the fact that the lease is still 4+ months away from expiring, but if it's sooner, tell her sooner. Then watch her reaction. If she shrugs it off, and keeps doing the same thing, then just cancel the lease. And when she gets thrown out, tell her its her fault for not smartening up. You gave her plenty of warning, but she didn't do anything to change her behaviour, and you don't need this kind of abuse.
I'll reiterate this one last time, for her at least, its shape up or ship out. For you, even if she does smarten up, I'd get out anyways. Because even if she does change, its likely she'll revert to her old self after a while, and you don't need that again.
Hope you do whats best for you, and good luck.
Posted Sun Dec 12, 2010 12:25 AM
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