OK so I know I'm not the first one to develop a crush on a co-worker and also not the first one to ask advice on how to handle it - but it is the first time it has happened to me and I really need objective opinions on the matter.
We work in a retail shop, and share a five square meter space for ten hours a day with two other guys (both married). From the day she started working there (a month ago), I liked her, and it has developed to the point where I'm in love with her. My problem is, how do I pursue something with her if we work together - if she doesn't feel the same, it could become awkward. I don't know how she would feel about becoming involved with a colleague - I won't mind, but obviously one needs to be discreet. I also know that the owner of the business would discourage it, (as with most other places of work) - so there are a lot of hurdles - but I also don't want to discard the possibility of having something special (if she feels the same) just because of a logistical challenge.
She left her family, friends, etc. behind (they live about 800 miles away) about three months ago to come and study here (as well as getting an income) so I suppose she is settling in. She seems to enjoy my companionship - went with me one Saturday to a wedding that I shot (as she is also interested in photographing weddings one day), and when I asked her for a beer the other night she also accepted without any hesitation. At work the four of us joke regularly, but I do get more attention from her than the other two guys together. She is very friendly and outgoing, so obviously I don't want to misinterpret the signs for something it is not.
So my questions would be: how do I approach the situation? Do I tell her how I feel? Do I work on a friendship first? How do I determine her feelings on workplace romance? What if she likes me but she is not prepared to take the risk because we work together? How can I be sure that the time she spends with me is not out of boredom (because she doesn't have any friends up here, and she stays with her uncle & aunt, but obviously she needs to get out of the house - they are not always at home)
Then also the New Year situation: about a week ago she suggested that both of us invite some friends and have a BBQ at her uncle's house for New Year (she has the house to herself for 2 weeks). She invited the other two colleagues as well. They couldn't come and we couldn't find any guests. She told me that we must still do something even if nobody else can join us. So for a couple of days her idea was for us to spend New Years together no matter where or how. I then got an invite from a friend for a BBQ at his house, and suggested to her that she goes with me, which was fine with her. Now last night, all of a sudden she doesn't sound too keen and told me she's just gonna pop in for a beer with her other aunt first, and that she will meet me there. I told her that she could honestly tell me if she is not in the mood for the party, but she assured me she wanted to come. Her intention was to join us at 8:30pm. She phones me at 9:30 only and tell me she's there in 30min. At 10:30 she phones me and tells me she is waiting for the thundershower to pass first. Just before 11pm she finally pitches. We played some pool and when the clock hit midnight we all had a drink, and then 10mins later she excuses herself to go back to the aunt?!? But in my eyes we didn't really spend the evening together. I don't want to make an issue out of it, but I feel she did not have any manners by doing this.
Now I wonder if I was her only choice for New Years up to New Years eve and then got a last minute invite from her aunt, and she rather wanted to go there but didn't know how to tell me? Also, does this action necessarily mean she doesn't have a genuine interest in me (friends or otherwise)? If she was not in the mood for strangers, she could have just played open cards with me?
I'm really confused about the whole situation because on the one hand she genuinely seems like she is enjoying my companionship, but then she does stuff like that. It is so hard to determine in which way she likes me and if there is potential for something more.
Apologies for the long narrative! Any input, ideas, advice, etc. would be appreciated! BTW, I'm 32 and she is 25.
Happy New Year to all!
This post has been edited by SA_Shaggadelic: Sat Jan 01, 2011 06:39 AM