opposite sex friends ,and being married okay i have a freind we are both married and wife does not mind
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 05:47 PM
i usually initiate contact outside of work but not always. she has woken me up or text me out of the blue usually when i suppose she is bored at home . i do the same so no problem there. i tend to flirt a lot in our conversations in person or during text. she tells me i am crazy and smiles or laughs sometimes throwing in comments that tease.
i am attracted to her sexually and she knows this . when we first met we established that both of us where happily married and where not looking to mess that up. she told me straight out that she would not be interested in me romantically even if she where not married.
i seem to always have a one track mind and often joke with a sexual nature with a lot of coworkers , they joke with me as well and none take this seriously .
my wife knows what i am like and has no problem with this. she knows i have been talking to my friend a lot over the last two years in spurts off and on . my wife has no problem with this relationship i could probably even hang out or go to lunch with my friend without upsetting my wife.
the problem is in the fact that i feel i get mixed signals from my friend she seeks out my company thru phone and keeps me talking for hours. when she says i stalk her she sounds proud of it . she laughs and confides in me when something is bothering her. our coworkers all seem to think we are either involved in an affair or on the verge. they often pair us up and say how cute we look together .
she feels i read more into things then there is. i have reassured her the flirting is just my nature that i understand she said she was not interested in me that way and that i am not looking to mess up my or her marriage. i recently suggested that i get her and my wife and myself together as friends to do things like lunch. she thought that was weird and did not like the idea. i thought this might help protect our reputation and reinforce the fact that we where just friends
later the same day i messed up by bringing up the fact that her teenage daughter thought our relationship "if there is one" was inappropriate. she became extremely defensive accusing me of having a fantasy that there was more going on between us and accused me of making things sound like we where talking dirty when we talked and that i was trying to set her up and was probably going around showing people our text to make it look like we where having an affair. i have decided as much as i like her my best bet is to back off from her . if we are just having fun that is fine but i am not into drama .
however i am still confused about what is really going on in her head an if she really believes i am that addicted to her , i did not want to mess up friendship since we work together.
i prefer women friends i like to flirt and be able to be myself . my wife does not have a problem with me having these types of relationships. am i asking to much is this not possible i often joke i need to find a lesbian friend so that i can enjoy the eye candy but feel safe and still be able to do things together without any hangups . maybe i am asking to much ?
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 06:51 PM
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:26 PM
I'd suggest you limit your communications to working hours, whatever they are, and use the time you're not working to engage in activities with your family.
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:36 PM
I'm the flirtiest girl I know and I know not to flirt with my male friends as its not the done thing and can lead to problems, Before my husband and I had our marriage trouble, he'd have freaked if I was talking on line and in text to my male friends for hours, he'd be wondering why i'm spending hours talking to them instead of engaging in conversation etc with him instead, i'm kind of wondering why you feel the need to talk online etc to her when you see her at work?
sounds to me like there is a lot of flirting going on, that she may have some designs on you, and that you're fooling yourself into thinking this will work out alright.
Id cut the friendship loose or right back to nothing
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:37 PM
yes i am physically attracted to her but most people are. i know we are too different for anything more then a physical thing if things got steamier but . i am spoiled with my wife and it has shown me how much i should treasure her and how lucky i am. i do not have many friends and do not let many in so talking to her has been a treat especially during a 12 hour shift
This post has been edited by gun slinger: Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:39 PM
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:54 PM
This post has been edited by gun slinger: Sat Jan 29, 2011 07:56 PM
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 09:32 PM
If she texts saying you're slacking, reply later saying you were busy with your wife, answer her texts with normal chat rather than flirty text and to be honest, I think i'd have a quick chat with her and say that you dont want to do the stalker joke anymore as you're concerned about what others may be thinking.
Just be upfront and tell her, she's supposed to be a friend so she'll understand, if she doesn't understand, then she's not a friend, she's hoping for more.
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 09:37 PM
See, i would have taken things different from the get go and as soon as I was establishing a friendly relationship with her i would have planned a double date with both couples, all parties involved get to know one another BEFORE it becomes weird to do so. Dale and I are friends with each others friends or at least acquainted with every one we know.
If she texts you or tries to bump into you just politely acknowledge her but make sure there are clear boundaries, and if she brings up you are acting strange just let her know that you are serious about keeping healthy boundaries. You don't have to be rude to get the point across. Just explain the both of you should distance yourself into a more professional relationship.
Posted Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:06 PM
Posted Sun Jan 30, 2011 06:56 AM
People of the opposite sex can certainly have a good friendship, but there needs to be boundaries, especially as you are both married.
It seems as though you have both overstepped the boundaries. You seem to be making alot of excuses about all of this as well.
If you value your marriage you really should take a step back. You can continue to have friendships with women, but friendships when you are married should not be as intense as you have described.
I wish you luck in your relationships.
Posted Sun Jan 30, 2011 08:18 AM
Posted Sun Jan 30, 2011 12:56 PM