advice if you would please sex advice
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 09:34 PM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:00 PM
ok not a whole lot to work with here, but by this statement from, it doesnt sound like you do much for her...it sometimes takes baby steps to get your partner where you want them....how bout devoting a whole night (or longer) thats all about her, pamper her, make her feel special, treat her to a 'special' night, awake HER desires, who know where she may lead you then
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:09 PM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:27 PM
I think that for 10 years you've done the same old sex so she's prob very comfortable with that now, what way do you communicate about sex?
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:37 PM
Have you asked her if she does or not. I can sympathize with you, since my wifes surgery her drive has gone wayyyy down, she is working with her doctor to improve it.....Yours may have a medical condition or a past that is killing her drive.
It is important to keep your lines of communication open while you work on your problem.
Lots of things could be going on here, good luck figuring it out
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:48 PM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:49 PM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:08 PM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:15 PM
I don't want to pry, but is she religious? Certain religious views can have a serious impact on a woman's view of sex. I was raised in a very strict Christian family, for example, and I was taught that sex and bodies were dirty. I didn't have sex until quite late simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy it due to guilt. It was a long process of educating myself and opening myself up to new ideas in order to overcome what I was raised to believe about sex.
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:47 PM
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 02:57 AM
Well none of that worked at all. We still have a pretty boring sex life and now it is even worse because she has an ovarian cyst that will not go away. So that means she bleeds like she has her period for almost the entire month. So I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is unlikely from my expeience that she will change her ways in the bedroom.
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 05:20 PM
You mention that your relationship with her is perfect in every aspect but the bedroom. That's a good sign. What troubles me though is her saying it's ok to go get a fling and that when you do have sex with her, to just get off. It sounds like there's little to no pleasure for her in sex.
This is where non-confrontational dialog is important. You want to establish an environment she is comfortable with before starting communication since it's going to be a very sensitive issue. Sometimes it's easier just to shut down, or withdraw when faced with a situation we don't want to deal with - exactly the thing we want to avoid. Be firm, but sympathetic. Be willing to listen without judgement when she starts to open up.
Overworked, underappreciated, underromanced, and even not feeling attractive might be causing her lack of interest in sex. You're going to have to do some digging to get at this. GL with it.
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 11:00 PM
This is what I was wondering about when I reading through these posts. Does she masturbate? Can she bring herself to orgasm? IMO there's very little chance she's going to be orgasmic with a partner if she's not able to do this for herself. I think for most women, orgasms are a process, and as you becomore more orgasmic through your own efforts you're able to be more orgasmic with a partner. If she's not getting enjoyment from the sex with you she has no motivation to do it. Most women like oral sex, will she let you do that for her? Does she own a vibrator? If not, maybe she could start there. <BR nodeIndex="3"><BR nodeIndex="4">
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 11:10 PM
Less selfishness and more about her.