Girlfriend more sexual than me - please help
Posted Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:45 AM
she has some fetishes i guess. theyre not weird, but a little out of my comfort zone
she licked/fingered my anus, likes it when i'm rough and wants me to hit her and got me to pee on her.
i'm not going to hit her and i don't like being rough, all the other stuff isn't so terrible but it always makes me ashamed afterwards
how can i feel good about it after doing it? it's fine when it's happening, but i feel terrible afterwards. how can i open myself up to feel natural about it?
edit; when i say she wants me to hit her i don't mean she wants me to be abusive. she likes being scratched/spanked during sex and likes to push me away, rape fantasies i gues, i just find it hard to play along, i don't know what is too far or what she wants, she doesn't like talking about it
we've been together for over two years, had sex a lot, but she's never had an orgasm, never in her life. i try everything i can, i found the g-spot, lick her, rub her, and i have near complete control over when i cum, so i can last as long as i need. but i've never been able to give her an orgasm, no matter what i do. she also wont masturbate, she said she cant feel anything when she does, i suggested getting her a toy but she said no. i think it may be that she's nervous or tense, she always turns the lights off. what can i do?
a few months ago she cheated on me. well i consider it cheating other people probably don't. she made out with a male friend of hers and spent a night cuddling him in bed, nothing sexual though and that's confirmed from other people, i know she's telling the truth. i don't know why she did it, i don't know what he offered that i don't. i want to make myself perfect so that never happens again, but i don't know what she wants. i think part of it was because she hasn't had an orgasm.
as i said, we've been having regular sex for two years. and even after all that, it still hurts her every time we do. not during, but the day after she says it stings. what could be causing this?
i want us both to try new things, be open and satisfied. but i find it hard not to be ashamed when we do non-traditional things and no matter waht i do i can't satisfy her.
it's been nearly three years im at the end of my rope. waht can i do?
Posted Mon Mar 07, 2011 01:42 PM
She needs to learn to touch herself to find out what she responds best to. It's stupid to want (hope)for someone else can make her cum when she herself can't. You mentioned she says doesn't feel anything when she masturbates; does she feel anything when you have sex with her? You both need to find out what where she is sensitive at, and grade it on a 1-10 system.
There's nothing wrong with staying within the boundaries of what you both find to be comfortable. The problem arises when there's too much of a divide within sexual compatibility. Things won't work if you can't find a happy middle ground. I'm thinking that she wants something more extreme to make up the whatever numbness she might be feeling physically. Just a guess, anyways.
Whatever the reason for the above coupled with her making out with some other guy your relationship has some problems. You need to sit her down and talk this out with her to find out some of the causes otherwise this could snowball into something bigger.
Posted Tue Mar 08, 2011 01:43 AM
On the question you posed I'll offer something a little more upbeat. There is no reason to be ashamed about anything two consenting adults do to, with or for each other sexually, provided no one gets hurt. You need to look at why you are ashamed about doing something that she asked for and wants. Try to figure out what it was in your past that has left you feeling that a certain act is something to be ashamed of. I think you will find that a lot of your feelings about these things will have started off being someone else's opinion. For example, you said she fingered your anus. Why is that something to be ashamed of? Answer that and you might get to the bottom of why these things feel good when you do them, but you feel guilty the next day.
It's perfectly okay to not like doing something. But you shouldn't like it when you do it, and regret it later. That tells me you have some feelings of guilt surrounding this. You need to get to the bottom of that before you can expect to feel good about trying new things with your girlfriend. If you honestly don't like doing something, then simply don't include it in your sex play.
Posted Tue Mar 08, 2011 06:11 AM
Don't let yourself being manipulated out of compassion and love. If it gets too much for you emotionally, you can't help, it will only corrode you from the inside - talk to her, suggest that she gets some professional help if it is (or becomes) that serious.
When I broke up with a similar "troubled" girl, after I experienced some heavy twisted shit both sexually and emotionally and lies about her "innocent" cheating, crying hysterically and not wanting to say where she's been, etc. I later (when I managed to come to terms with what psychological torture she gave me) thought to sing to her what David Bowie says in the song "Breaking glass": ""You're such a wonderful person, but you got problems!"
Posted Tue Mar 08, 2011 07:18 AM
I agree with Golfer, there is nothing to be ashamed of what two consenting adults do to each other as long as each party likes it! I like to have my ass slapped during sex, my nipples bitten, pounded hard, teased and generally pushed around. Not all the time, sometimes I like a nice soft touch and a gentle making love type sex. Depends on my mood!
Good luck with it!
Posted Tue Mar 08, 2011 08:19 PM
That could be a good thread........