Shyness, self confidence and meeting people
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 04:59 AM
So I've never been the most confident of people and it didn't used to bother me that much, I was pretty socially awkward so I used to stay home a lot and only really socialise with the few friends I had. Because I dont have the best social skills and am pretty shy I don't meet a lot of people so I tend not to have many relationships. Anyway I met someone through friends about 2 years ago and we had a pretty good relationship for about 6 months then a few things happened and mainly because of my poor communication skills we split up, we still keep in touch.
Anyway recently I've found myself really wanting to meet new people and talk but I tend to really suck at it! The last few weeks I've spent a lot of time commuting to work and just sitting on the train in silence really started to depress me so I've been trying to go out of my way to talk to people. I did manage to talk to one girl on the train the other day and it turned out we did the same degree so we talked about that the whole journey which was good. As I said before my social skills aren't the best so I think I came across as slightly weird and maybe a bit creepy because I am quite socially awkward.
So anyway I just want to know what is the best way of meeting new people. I'm not particularly looking for a relationship and just want people to talk to really, recently I have been a lot more talkative and open with my closest friends as well. Now I just want to have a wider social circle so maybe in the future I might meet someone I really get on with. I also tend to have quite fragile self esteem for many different reasons and the tiniest of things may lead me to give up and stop trying to socialise with people. So how would I go about staying confident and not giving up on trying to meet people?
Also I don't enjoy clubs etc as I find you really can't properly talk and get to know someone in that sort of situation.
Anyway thanks for reading and what are your views if any?
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 07:08 AM
In my opinion you need to put yourself in situations where people around you have the same common interest, then talk is easy.
Think about the things you like to do, for example:
If you like cooking, go on a cooking course: you will be able to talk to all of them as they are all there for the same subject.
If you like charity work, get invloved, they all need your help and again, talking will be easy.
If nothing really interests you, then pick somthing just to make new friends in the first instance.
I could never go to a club to pick up a girl, I wouldn't know what to say. But going to a swingers party is easy as everyone there has a common interest, I am not suggesting you should try that, I just used it to make a point.
Actually, reading your post, you have already proved that it works as you said you met a girl on a train who did the same degree and you talked for ages.
Get out there now, but only in an area where everyone has the same interest, you'll be fine.
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:41 PM
Look for a beautiful woman and try this... catch her eye and smile a big natural smile and raise your eyebrows (it's called an eyebrow flash and you do it when you see somebody you recognize). Instinctively, she will do the same to you and she will instantly like you. It's actually kind of fun to do this anywhere. My cousin tells people about it and does it repeatedly to them and we all get a good laugh out the physical reaction that happens. This is a great opportunity to go talk to her. Even if it's awkward for you, it won't be as awkward for her.
You should practice talking to new people everyday. Besides the train, talk to people whose job it is to talk to you. I saw a suggestion on here about talking to people who work in retail. Go to a perfume counter at a department store and tell the person behind the counter that you need to buy a perfume for your mother, sister, whatever. Go an electronics store and ask them to show you some digital cameras. A good sales person will talk to you all day, while being super friendly and trying to make you as comfortable as possible. Anytime you see a sales person standing around trying to look busy, go talk to them. They'll actually be thankful because they won't have to pretend to be working anymore.
Most importantly, practice smiling. If you have a genuine smile on your face, people will start to approach you and strike up conversations. Practice makes perfect and if you keep pushing yourself, your awkwardness will soon be a distant memory.
This post has been edited by wouchgirl: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:43 PM
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 01:53 PM
Dude you make a good point about having common interests, I know what you mean it is easier to talk about things you are interested in. Thing is I find it a bit forced going to courses etc just to meet people, I'd rather let it happen naturally but I suppose that's a bit of a catch-22 and I'd need to be more patient.
Wouchgirl, thanks for the tips I'll definitely try them, I have a horrible feeling that I'll come across as creepy if I do it though, I suppose I wont know until I try. I have been trying to talk to people in shops more but I do find because I'm not naturally good at talking I come across as awkward and people think I'm a bit weird.
Anyway thanks for the replies, at the moment I'm a bit lonely and just want people to talk to, I've even thought of paying for it, I think It'd be like Holden Caulfied when he hires a prostitute and just talks to her.
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 01:53 PM
This post has been edited by chris84: Fri Apr 15, 2011 01:58 PM
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 02:04 PM
Posted Fri Apr 15, 2011 02:47 PM
confidence is everything, positive attitude and be happy with who you are. It took me quite a while to realize that often times the lady is being just as
self conscious as you are. In the end you are both awkward and end up over compensating. practice. the more you initiate good conversation, the easier it