Online long distance sexual friendship need help understanding a guys behavior
Posted Thu Apr 21, 2011 04:05 PM
After two months of chatting, and we ve already started flirting more and seeing each other on cam, he acted very differently on nigth and said that since we like each other we should see where this can go and maybe have cyber sex, by that time i was into him too and since they say american guys get scary easily, i was waiting for him to make the first move. By that time, my other driend went missing, so i thought it was ok. I asked him , what if something develops, like some feelings, and he said, thats cool, if not we will always be friends.
At first he was very sweet and nice, and would compliment me all the time.
Other times he would seem very cold and i got mad and he said i was acting like a child, and he wouldnt do anything to make me feeel better, so i just got over it and went back to talk to him.
Sometimes i got jelous cause he got messages from other girls, like nasty messages on his wall, and he said that didnt mean anything that i was the only one he was having this kind of friendship with.
He also mentioned how long distance relationships dont work unless one of the ppl involved moves closer to the other, i guess that was his way of telling me to move close to him? But at that time i didnt know him well to understand , it seems that he always wants to be sure of my reaction before he does anything not to loose face or get rejected. I am not sure thats a cultural thing¿?
One day we had a discussion and i told him, game over, no more sex , then he started to act cool all the time, like he didnt care about a thing, like he didnt like me that much, that i was the one who was after him, and started saying we are only having fun and we are only friends.
Another day i sent him i message that i was afraid of developing some feelings for him in the future, he didnt said a thing, the next day i reconected with my other friend and he offered me to have a relationship and get to meet so i got confused, but i couldnt trust him cause he lied to me before so it didnt work, lets call hime the european guy.
So i told the american guy, dont worry i am back with the european, and the next day , i cant trust the european. he got really mad and jealous and said women cannot be trusted and they are all the same and full of it, and when i told him not to be jealous he denied it and said, dont think too high of yourself, i dont care who u are with.
After that i still coulndt be mad at him and after a few days we had cyber sex again.
Now i am planning to move for a new job, he doesnt know, but i am going to be closer to him, i am not doing this for him, it was always my dream to move far away, and we still talk but mainly cause i speak to him and he always act cold and distant.
i Mean whats wrong with me, there is not one day i dont think about him, i really like him and want to meet him in person.
any advice wellcomed.
Posted Thu Apr 21, 2011 05:34 PM
It's nothing wrong, it's just nature.
Posted Thu Apr 21, 2011 05:44 PM
Posted Thu Apr 21, 2011 06:15 PM
I'd recommend leveling with him, telling him what's going on and that it's a very uncomfortable situation, and seeing what he says. Be forewarned though: you might not get the answer you want.
Posted Thu Apr 21, 2011 11:40 PM
Posted Fri Apr 22, 2011 06:57 AM
Posted Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:43 AM
I've met guys like this, and to be blunt (and I apologise) it's very rare that they're ever being truthful about liking you in the first place.
It happens a lot more online than the real world, because it's easier to adopt anonymity - and thus easier to treat people with contempt or kindness. It sounds to me like he was after a little online fun, and there's nothing wrong with that, until one of the parties develops feelings for the other (which is natural as Parannoyed says) and they are not reciprocated. I'd suggest what happened here was him wanting to continue the online sexual relationship but never move on to anything more, and the only way he thought he could do that was by telling you he did want something more, safe in the knowledge you were only an online contact and miles away from him.
If you want something more from him then you cannot really continue to bend to his every whim, if you want the cybersex to stop, you have to be adamant and stick to your guns. If you want it to stop because you want more from him, you have to actually tell him this. Similarly if you want to know exactly what's going on in his head, you have to ask him, not us. We can only speculate.
Posted Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:58 AM
Posted Fri Apr 22, 2011 09:45 PM
I agree with the bolded part only everyone is acting like they're 12.
Ignore them both, figure out if you want something exclusive or simple cyber sex, and go find people who don't play games like that.
Posted Sat Apr 23, 2011 02:59 PM
Talk to my friend about him being cold and distant, he said that he is going thru a lot and tryin to get his life straight and he doesnt feel like talking to anyone pretty much, and that we will always be friends. I dont want to loose him , so i didnt talkt to him about my feelings, i am not planning to have sex with him anymore cause that only complicates things. I think is a bad timming to tell him how a feel and i care about our friendship so much to screw that up. I think i am in love with him tho, so i am just hopping to meet him one day and see if the sparks comes back.
Posted Sat Apr 23, 2011 03:00 PM
Posted Mon Apr 25, 2011 07:36 AM
I got out of long distance friendship after 2 years been living overseas and I hate the routine we were in, now after we met and sen its not going to work out between us, I have a better viewpoint on this topic
All nice to have cam, chat, phone calls but face to face is the real thing.
Hope you can move on now too............