Hating yourself for lusting others
Posted Wed May 18, 2011 12:44 PM
Posted Wed May 18, 2011 12:53 PM
This post has been edited by FuneralOfWars: Wed May 18, 2011 12:54 PM
Posted Wed May 18, 2011 02:32 PM
I can't possibly know what's right for you, but I remember when I was 22 dating an amazing man, but I simply wasn't ready to be settled down.
I nearly cheated on him before I realized I just wasn't ready to be seriously committed to one man.
Otherwise, I would suggest doing some cognitive exercises to train yourself to manage your own cognitions. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is an incredible tool for modifying your own thought patterns. It's actually not that hard to train yourself to not fixate on things you don't want to be thinking about.
Posted Wed May 18, 2011 02:59 PM
Posted Wed May 18, 2011 05:29 PM
Whatever you do, don't cheat - ever. Be honest with her NOW. It might scare her, but she'll appreciate it and she may be having the same feelings, too. You never know. It could relieve that "pressure" you're feeling if you get it off your chest.
Posted Fri May 20, 2011 10:17 PM
Whenever I've been in doubt, I think about it. Think about the consequences and that kind of thing. Now that I'm divorced and have dated again, I've realized how hard it is to really connect with someone, because that's what I want. I don't want just a fuckbuddy - I want a real relationship. Many weren't ready for the commitment I was.
You'll always wonder if your choices could lead to something else. or if there is something better out there. There is nothing wrong with that - I think it's part of human nature to wonder what could be or could have been. But since you are in a relationship, you really need to consider what you really want from her, and if the possibility arose - from others.
But if you aren't ready to commit, then break it off. It's not fair to either of you.
Posted Mon May 23, 2011 08:29 PM
I personally don't understand the idea that always lusting after others is normal.
It may be common, but I don't see it as a normal part of a healthy relationship.
For me, the thought of touching anyone else is nauseating.
To each their own, and everyone has different priorities, but I know I'd rather stay single my entire life than settle for someone who doesn't make me feel 100% sure.
Good enough is simply not good enough when it comes to committing yourself to another, at least that's how I see it.
Granted, that's just my opinion, and my sister who prioritized having a family by a certain age, and always hated being single, has a very different take on commitment and marriage. Our reasons to commit are highly personal and individual.
Posted Mon May 23, 2011 11:22 PM
I have never lusted for a man really unless I've already had sex with him. I have no problems in recognizing good features and an attractive body, but that's not enough for me to lust for. I suppose I'm more tactile than visual, and probably that's the key. Actually, I know I don't go by touch, I actually go by scent.
Anyway... I think sometimes men rely too much on visual stimulation, i.e. porn. If you're one of these, you might be conditioned to lust every time you see certain frames. I feel the inability to control urges is a real curse when it comes to relationships... As other posters have mentioned before, it wouldn't be right for you to drag somebody else into a relationship when you still haven't gotten the bases covered in terms of your own desires. You will only end up hurting that person, and yes, hating yourself.
This post has been edited by Olive: Mon May 23, 2011 11:22 PM
Posted Sat May 28, 2011 09:21 AM
Posted Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:20 AM
This thread is kind of the other half (meaning male) version of Ex's temptation thread... It's interesting to see how the problems and responses differ from thread to thread.
Posted Sun Jul 03, 2011 10:28 AM
Its just a matter of respect that when u are involved in a relationship a huge amount of trust is given to you. Might as well check urself how much of u are u willing to give and share for the woman u have right now. If thats for keeps, u can hinder urself from lusting any other. Just remember that when u love someone ur concern is to make her secure and happy to build that strong foundation in a relationship. If a girl is secured in a relationship she will do everything to return back all the love ur giving her. Same goes for men too. I remember a saying.... Girls are like dolls, u can play with her anytime u want. But real BOYS, don't play dolls.
Just be discreet and dont play with feelings. You might never know that wat ur wasting is a precious gem. You might never find and cross that love again.Sometimes on the part of the girl, when she sees her partner looking at another girl sometimes can be a little distracting. But we are giving space for that. A little of everything wont do u harm. Just know wer and who is ur priority.
Posted Mon Jul 04, 2011 03:33 AM
nice one, temptation is anywhere so its up to you on how you deal with it
Posted Mon Jul 04, 2011 07:04 AM
Posted Mon Jul 04, 2011 08:05 AM
Appreciating sexiness in one is appreciating it in all and sparks the desire and horniness to be with your women in a lustful way over just a dutiful husbandy/boyfriendy way. Sometimes it seems like that's what's expected: regular sex through love and commitment and the lack of that lust and desire is what causes some (guys and girls) to stray. Some like that new feeling, that adrenaline rush and wave of passion that gets somewhat, or completely, muted through repetition and regularity when you're in a relationship.