wife's libido help
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 08:36 AM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 09:50 AM
Quite frankly, this is one of the reasons why I won't marry again.
You say your wife falls asleep while giving you a blow job... Doesn't that tell you something? She's exhausted pal... Send her away on a holiday all by herself, but not before she has a thorough medical check up. She might be having problems with her thyroid, maybe anemia, lack of vitamin B... you name it.
Damn, this kind of thread makes me mad, and it's too early in the morning. It may seem that some men think that women are workhorses of some sort?
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:31 AM
This post has been edited by Buckeye45: Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:38 AM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 01:28 PM
YOU DONT ASK, YOU DONT GET!
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 02:20 PM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 02:27 PM
Okay, she fell asleep while stroking instead of sucking ... The fact is that you fall asleep doing something when you're really exhausted... Plus she was probably not into it. Ask her maybe...
Don't think it's about you... Damn, help her... One day is simply not enough. I'm a single mother with two children, and believe me, I go to work, I come back for the second shift. My days start at 6am and end pretty much at 1am. I try to take naps in the middle of the day to catch up... Still, and this is my own experience, I found it a lot easier than when I was married. The ex would just ask and ask for things all the time... and not necessarily sex. He helped around the house alright, he cooked too; but the emotional drain of having him around was significant. Did he ever bothered to ask? Nope, in his mind it was all about him and I was the one not doing my share, and that was the way it stayed. Now, I do the same things than before, but I don't have to wash his clothes.
And just listen to yourself... Your going to send her to a therapist to fix a relationship problem. Since when marriage was an affaire that pertained to one person only? You have to go with her...
This post has been edited by Olive: Sun Jun 19, 2011 02:30 PM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 03:31 PM
I love how if a man neglects his wife its ok for her to feel hurt but the minute a man expresses similar feelings he is inconsiderate. If marriage is a two way street doesnt that mean a man can have these feelings too?]
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 03:35 PM
Have a good day sir.
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 03:37 PM
You two may have slipped into an all too common rut of family life. With work and kids, we develop a routine to get through the week that has the unfortunate disadvantage of locking out a lot of spontaneity. You've taken some good steps, and now just need to build further on them.
Is there anyone that can handle the kids for a day or even possibly a weekend? A romantic getaway or even one at home without the kids will give you both some time to reconnect as a couple, and hopefully spark that same interest in sex that you had before. In the meantime send her some random texts saying how much you love her. Often it's little things that will show her how much she means to you, and that you still find her sexy.
And obviously directly asking her in a non-confrontational way is the best way to know what she's thinking and what she wants. From there you two can start (hopefully) planning ways to make a better sex life for you both.
This post has been edited by Q: Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:28 AM
Reason for edit:: Removal of inflamitory coment .
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 03:51 PM
if you do choose to see a therapist though i really do think you should go together, like olive said. that way you can voice your concerns and she can voice hers and you can fix things together. this libido problem may be a symptom of a problem with the relationship, not just with her. she may not want you to go with her, but offering wont hurt.
This post has been edited by saintnailpolish: Sun Jun 19, 2011 03:51 PM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 06:18 PM
Post Partum Depression is another real possiblity, she needs to see a qualified professional for that and you most definitely need to accompany her unless told otherwise.
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 06:41 PM
Posted Sun Jun 19, 2011 07:34 PM
I've read that the hormonal changes that women go through after child birth might also play a role in ensuring that there is sufficient time between the birth of the next kid. In essence, her body is sort of wired to not get back into the grove too soon because back in the day this was an advantage for our maternal ancestors. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes at least 2 years for some women---but this is purely speculative on my part.
The important thing for both of you though is that you don't get into a negative feedback with each other where both of you feel like bad partners and feel guilty. Whatever approach you all take it helps to understand that it's nobody's fault and try to remember that you all are really on the same team! (Even though our hormones don't make it seem like that).
Posted Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:23 PM
Needless to say I am busy and mentally exhausted all the time. I don't think she needs counseling, maybe you both need counseling as a family or couple. If you are working 12 hour shifts, that means the both of you are too busy to spend any quality time together, add on the stresses of y'alls day and the lack of relief or time for yourselves individually much less together and it starts to become a problem.
I know i was previously engaged to a guy who worked 8-12 hour shifts 6 days a week and that is if he wasn't out of town for a week or two at a time. He worked for a contracting company that did electrical work on city streets for stop lights and street lights, there was a lot of physical working involved and every night he came home he would come home and crash on the couch and not move until i left for work at 8 pm. I was a full time student then, a mom, and a cocktail waitress 5 days a week. He also seemed to expect me to clean the house, cook him dinner, take care of our baby, and i also got to pay the bills. That is about the time our sex life became very problematic, i was so busy and i had so much angst against him that i didn't want to have sex with him. About 4 months later i left him, i felt that i was pulling all the weight. I feel that my case is an extreme and not exactly what is happening to you but that might be how she feels. She might just feel that she is in a rut and not happy just being the stay at home mom, some women like to work and have and outside life if all you see and do all day every day is mom it becomes a frustrating job. Just try spending 12 hours a day everyday with children and then for a few hours put in another adult, not a lot of people to talk to.
So watch the kids for the night, let her go out on a girls night, that might need the break she needs. To go interact with other individuals that are not the ones you see everyday. Maybe y'all need to make a plan every other week to spend a few hours of time between just the two of you. I know you may be exhausted, but maybe call a maid service to help her clean up the house every month or couple weeks or help her yourself if you have the energy. maybe send her out for manicures, a massage, or pedicure or whatever every couple of weeks. Something to help her relax. Or hell do it together, you can find some very affordable massages.
You just have to find a groove that works. My current fiance and i have a horrible sex life, we are always tired, but when i am in the mood he isn't (its been rare that i have been in the mood) then when he is in the mood i'm not. So i understand your frustration because he is feeling the same way, but we talk about it and he tries to make sure i have time to just spend to myself and i do the same for him and we try to have time that is just the two of us, but that is typically when we are both working at home and working on the business so it hardly counts. Give her time and both of you take a break, but make it a break you can take regularly, i feel that it helps a lot more than a vacation, because you can actually not worry about your problems for an hour, a whole week its hard not to sit there and think about all the things you have to do when you return home.
Just be the understanding and loving man she married and find time to jack off to release the tension, i know that is what Dale (my fiance) does, and i have no problems with it and he doesn't either.
I hope things get better!
This post has been edited by LadyR: Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:28 PM
Posted Mon Jun 20, 2011 10:22 PM
I do not have children, but I work full time, as does my boyfriend. We have 7 horses, 5 indoor dogs (3 outdoor dogs total, though two of them are not ours), and a slew of cats (9 at the moment, have some foster kittens). Our day to day life is very stressful on the both of us. I love sex. But no matter how much I want to, sometimes my mind is there, but my body just will not follow. Sometimes it's the opposite, but usually not. I'll say it again, I fucking love sex. I would have sex every minute of the day if I could. But life isn't all about sex, and there are priorities that come before sex, even to somebody who loves it as much as me.
I'm sure I would have a TON of sex if I wasn't exhausted and had more than a few minutes of down time every day. Sometimes when I do finally get to lay in bed with my boyfriend, I just want him to hold me and I want to talk. We rarely get to do that even. There are just some times when you hit that point where you're "grown up", that sex just isn't on the list of important tasks for the day. Sucks, but there it is.
Sounds to me like something as simple as that for you. With jobs and kids, your life IS going to change, including your sex life. You're going to have to adjust. If she is literally falling asleep while "taking care" of you, she is obviously quite tired.
I have no real advice besides to communicate, and pamper her. She deserves it and it will work out in your favor, guaranteed. My boyfriend gets laid EVERY TIME that he cooks dinner and has the house cleaned up when i walk in the door. That means that my mind is worry free and a load has been taken off of my shoulders for the day, freeing up both my mind and my body to be ready to have sex