Friend-dates, marries ex-wife in secret
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 08:31 AM
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 08:55 AM
In the end though, you're divorced, you both can do as you please, so there's not much you really CAN feel about it... not without being out of line... sucks, but that goes with the territory. It's why I don't believe in divorce, but that's a whole other thing.
No matter what, if you still love her, and if you really consider him to be a true friend and a bro, you have to try to forgive them, esp. if he really was trying to protect your feelings. Guys don't handle stuff like that well, usually. It wasn't the best way to find out, but they didn't have to tell you, either. Although a true bro would tell you himself...
(Did I say he's a wimp? yeah...)
This post has been edited by HumanBreeder1973: Mon Jun 27, 2011 08:56 AM
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 09:42 AM
I hate to dumb it down, but I agree with HB. You have no control over what others do. You can either accept it, or you can not accept it. It sounds like you have a reasonably healthy social life, so torching a 'friend' that lied to you and married your ex in secret is tolerable....(divorced, so they can do what they want, yes....but they have kids together, and I'd be pissed if my mother of my kids married someone in secret)
I'd give 'em the boot, but if not, then you have to accept it.
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:44 AM
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:57 AM
I'm very sorry that you had to go through all this... Now, your ex-wife must be a real piece of work. Why telling you after everything was over, and only because she's getting married again? I just don't understand, but hey... There are things that are better left that way, and this is one of them.
I realize how you feel, but really as others said, you have no say in the situation at all. Now, there's very little you can do about your wife, and I suppose you need to maintain a relationship with her for the sake of your children, but when it comes to the divorced friend, you have the option of banning him from your circle of friends. I would though, approach him and tell him that your wife informed you of their dating, and that you would've preferred to hear it from him not after, but before it happened. Don't give him crap or lecture him in any way, and simply excuse yourself and go onto the next thing.
What a shitty situation Shakeman... My sympathies.
Posted Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:33 PM
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 01:17 AM
It's a sure sign for you to move on and get new friends. Better friends. REAL friends. Real friends wouldn't do that to you.
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 01:32 AM
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 04:48 AM
I know that a previously posted response said that they are adults and that they are free to do what they want but in my opinion you just dont do that. When I was younger I was interested in a mates gf and when they split up he was devestated. However my friendship to my mate meant more to me and as such I kept my distance and today he is still my mate and that was 14 years ago. At least my conscience is clear. But I guess it may be different with other cultures and acceptable to do such thing.
Again I must say that you should be commended on the way you have handled this situation and have acted in a mature manner, a lot more than your so called friend and ex wife.
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:14 PM
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 02:18 PM
Posted Tue Jun 28, 2011 11:22 PM
I tend to agree with most posts: you necessarily have to deal with the wife for the sake of the kids, but I'd still have a conversation with the male "friend" (who is not a friend by my standards). Keep it dignified though, just let him know that you're disappointed that he wasn't courageous enough to let you know from the beginning and that you would prefer not to be friendly in the future.
I'd be a little more scathing... but then I have temper issues!
Posted Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:30 PM
I totally agree, Friends don't do that to one another, loose these 'friends' and find true meaningful friendships.