Fake cum recipe?
Posted Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:16 PM
Problem is I don't have a clue how to make it. Anyone know the recipe for fake cum? Preferably with a sweet side, as she's got quite a sweet tooth.
Posted Sun Jul 03, 2011 01:20 AM
Posted Sat Jul 16, 2011 03:06 AM
Posted Mon Aug 08, 2011 09:14 PM
"It's called "arrowroot" and you'll find it on the spice rack in the supermarkets. Chinese cooks mix it with water and simmer it in a pan to make a clear thickener for their sauce. When it's simmered enough it gets the perfect consistency of cum."
Arrowroot is a great thickener! I use it all the time in baking. Though, I've never made fake cum - I imagine it would work great!
Posted Mon Aug 08, 2011 09:19 PM
Pour about 250ml (or one and a half mugs) of cold water into a saucepan and add two flat tablespoons of flour. Once you get used to it, it's arguably easier to sort out your quantities of flour and water by eye.
Mix the flour into the water until you have no lumps whatsoever - I find it best to use your hands for this. When you've finished, it should look like you have a saucepan full of milk. If it doesn't you've either got too much or too little flour.
Bring to the boil, and then simmer over a high heat, stirring constantly, until it thickens. You'll end up with a slightly opaque solution, with the viscosity of warm KY Jelly.
Leave it to cool for about 15 minutes.
The stuff also makes great setting lotion for hair. Oh, and if you add food coloring, you can use it as semi-permanent hair color.
It lasts about three days without refrigeration. It's edible of course.
Other cum recipes to experiment with:
1) Sweetened condensed milk mixed with water.
2) Condensed milk, egg white and sugar
3) It's called "arrowroot" and you'll find it on the spice rack in the supermarkets. Chinese cooks mix it with water and simmer it in a pan to make a clear thickener for their sauce. When it's simmered enough it gets the perfect consistency of cum
dang!! I had no idea there was an actual recipe!!
Posted Sun Dec 25, 2011 02:20 PM
Posted Mon Jan 02, 2012 02:49 PM
Posted Wed Jan 04, 2012 06:53 PM
Posted Fri Jan 06, 2012 09:55 PM
Sorry for my terse response to the original question. It was Christmas morning and the in-laws arrived much earlier than expected.
First, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. I am not a medical health professional, I am not a scientist, and I don’t anything about anything, so do not trust anything that I am saying here.
Alright, now that I have the disclaimer out of the way, here are the rantings of my uninformed, irresponsible mind.
Let’s assume that if you are looking for a fake cum recipe, then it is likely that you are planning to engage in some sort of sex play. This sort of sex play is likely to involve said fake cum being projected in every-which direction. My point is that you are going to make a mess, so you better use a recipe that is easy to clean up. Additionally, it is very likely that this fake cum is going to find its way into any, and every, one of your orifices, including mouth, rectum, vagina, eyes, nostrils, and ear canals. Again, you better be sure that your fake cum recipe is safe for all those areas. (If you think that I am exaggerating, go look in your bedroom right now. I am willing to bet that you already have an errant cum stain or two on your headboard, the wall behind your bed, or the floor around your bed. And that’s just from your regular, run-of-the-mill, vanilla sex life. Cum play is SO much messier.)
Now, look at all the fake cum recipes on the internet. They all seem to contain food products. Suppose you miss a big glob of food-based fake cum during your after-sex cleanup. What do you think is going to happen to that glob? It’s going to become your own personal biology experiment, that’s what! You’re going to have a big wad of fungus or bacteria growing on your wall, or headboard, or on the wood floor under your bed. And what happens if that stuff seeps between the floor boards? How the heck are you going to clean up that mess, let alone the stink?
Furthermore, do you really want to get condensed milk, or yogurt, or a flour and water mixture, or RAW EGGS!!! squirted into your eye? Do you think it’s really safe to squirt such things up your hooha? Talk about Toxic Shock Syndrome. Yikes!
NO. What we really need is a formula with thickening or gelatinous properties that is safe for use on both the outside and inside of the human body with little or no taste. Hmm, where could we find such a product? Maybe we should check our nightstands? Could the answer be contained on the label of my favorite bottle of sex lube? Think about. A good lube is thick yet flowing, it has virtually no taste, and it is obviously safe for your hooha. What is the miraculous substance that makes this possible?
Methyl-cellulose is used in countless beauty and cosmetic products. On a daily basis, countless people worldwide use products containing methyl-cellulose on their skin, inside their various orifices, and even in their food. Many sex lubricants use methyl-cellulose as the primary ingredient. Methyl-cellulose is also a main ingredient in fiber supplements like Metamucil. All things considered it is a pretty safe substance for human use and consumption.
Warning: You are about to create a huge vat of lubricant. Lubricant is VERY SLIPPERY, VERY! Please be very careful with this stuff. I don’t want any of you slipping on a wad of fake cum and injuring, maiming, or killing yourself or a bystander. Between the actual injury that may occur, as well as explaining to your parent, spouse, sibling, roommate, EMT, or good Samaritan how you ended up in the hospital with a severed spinal column and lacerated aorta caused by slipping on fake cum in your bedroom and falling on top of your dressing mirror, nothing good will come of it. And if your injury occurs while naked and frolicking with sex toys, that just adds insult to injury. Be careful
Dow Chemical (Methocel at Dow) is one of the main suppliers of methyl-cellulose. You can do some web searches to figure out what grade and type to buy. I found food-grade methyl-cellulose powder on an extreme chef website (Willpower). They carry half a dozen different types. From what I can figure out, the different number designations represent the relative thickening properties of the methyl-cellulose. The higher the number designation, the more thickening power. The highest number that this website sells is 4M (4,000), so I bought that.
Methyl-cellulose needs to be dissolved in hot water to activate its thickening properties, so you are going to need hot water and a mixing vessel. With respect to water, I use distilled water since it’s supposed to be free of ALL impurities and pathogens. Using a 1000 ml beaker, I bring 200 ml of water to a rolling boil in the microwave. Then I stir in 14 grams of the 4M methyl-cellulose powder. Once all the large clumps of powder have been dissolved, I take a break. Every couple of minutes, I come back and stir the mixture to get all the powder off the bottom and sides, and break up any clumps. After about 15 minutes, I add 100 ml of distilled water and stir. Take a break. Come back every couple of minutes, add 100 ml of distilled water and stir. Repeat until you have 900 ml. of fake cum. Allow the mixture to cool to a safe temperature (please don’t scald your naughty bits), and you are ready to go. (By the way, I think the maximum thickening for methyl-cellulose occurs in a 2% solution. Haha, you thought high school chemistry would never come in handy!)
I don’t know how safe it is to leave this mixture on the counter, so if I don’t use it right away, then I put it in the refrigerator. If I don’t use the mixture within 3 days, then I just dump it out in the garden, clean and sanitize my equipment and make a fresh batch.
Someone on the internet complained that methyl-cellulose tastes like soap. I completely disagree. I will say that there is a very subtle taste and scent to methyl-cellulose that REMINDS me of some sort of liquid cosmetic, but it doesn’t taste like soap. And believe you me, I know what soap tastes like because my mom was big on the whole “wash your mouth out with soap” discipline. Thank god I was born before liquid soap became a household staple.
The best analogy that I can offer is that the taste and smell of cinnamon and nutmeg REMIND me of Christmas, but those 2 spices are not actually Christmas, just flavors and smells that my brain associates with Christmas.
Additionally, if those extreme chef websites use methyl-cellulose to make food, it can't really taste that bad.
First, if you need to warm up your fake cum before using it, please DO NOT use the microwave. Microwaving will result in uneven heating, kind of like that leftover burrito you warmed up for breakfast this morning. Scalding your skin, mouth, or naughty bits is bad. Also, the muscles of the vagina and rectum really dislike temperatures outside the body’s normal temperature range. Those muscles tend to seize up and spasm under such adverse conditions. So, make those muscles happy, supple, and pliable by delivering your fake cum at normal body temperature or slightly higher. Instead, use a shallow vessel of hot tap water to evenly warm-up your fake cum to a safe temperature.
During your fantasy session, if you need to keep the fake cum warm, place a heating pad (TheraTherm heating pads) inside a towel. Place the towel-wrapped heating pad on a stable surface, and put your shallow water vessel on the heating pad. The heating pad warms the water, and the water warms the fake cum.
The most basic dispenser is a cup. Just pour it where you want it, and do your thing. Not very eloquent and not conducive to fantasy-play, but it works.
My favorite dispenser is the good olde fashion squeeze bottle. You have reasonably good aim, you can simulate ejaculation by using very quick squirts, and you can control the final size of the cum load by varying the number of squirts. I bought 6 of these (High temp squeeze bottle 86809 from Server-products) high temp squirt bottles so that I could warm up the fake cum to a comfortable temperature for usage. Using more bottles prevents reload hassle in the middle of your sex-play. Also, your partner(s) can squirt from bottles in each hand, different directions, etc.
Another option is a syringe. You can find all kinds of syringes for squirting substances. Not so good for simulating cum shots, but excellent for internal dispensing. Also, you can easily reload the syringe from your vat of fake cum. I found an oral medicinal syringe (American Red Cross Soft Tip Medicine Dispenser). Safe, rounded edges and it can be easily inserted vaginally for dispensing. You could also try a Clyster syringe. (Warning: On the reload, be careful not to get air in the syringe. Injecting air into your vagina or rectum is unsafe. I’m sure that a bubble here or there is no big deal, but play it safe and keep the air to a minimum.)
For the more adventurous, you may want to visit Bad Dragon and purchase a silicone dildo with a cum tube. Fun shapes and fun applicators. Since the squirting mechanism is re-loadable, please be careful to prevent excess air from entering the tube and storage chamber. Again, injecting air into your vagina or rectum is unsafe, so try to avoid introducing air into the line.
While I am thinking of it, remember, if you are trying to simulate ejaculation, then SIMULATE IT! Don’t empty the bottle or tube in one LONG squirt. Use LOTS of little squirts, and group the squirts into units of 6 -12. If you need a visual aide, watch a porn movie and observer that a guy’s cum shot consists of 6 -12 squirts, and each squirt is very short in duration. This is where the squeeze bottle shines. (Of course, my wife has been doing this for 15 years and she STILL can’t get this right)
In general cleanup is easy. Just wipe it up. However, when you have just squirted 1 liter, 2 liters, or a whole gallon of fake cum all over the immediate area, wiping up is easier said than done. My advice is to plan ahead. Lay down some sort of plastic sheet or waterproof tarp. Better yet get a nice blanket with a water proof backing like this (Waterproof luxury outdoor blanket at Blankets) or this (Fascinator Throw at Liberator). Leave some towels just outside of the area. Once you complete your sex, carefully scoot to the edge, wipe off the goo, safely step to a solid, stable, and clean surface, drop your used towels on the blanket and go shower up. Come back clean and refreshed, fold the blanket and towels in on themselves, toss the whole pile in the washing machine, start it up, and enjoy a post orgasm nap.
Another option is just make your mess in the shower. However, be careful. The shower floor is going to be slippery with all that fake cum (lube), so sit down and carefully scoot over to the faucet. Fire up the water and wash down the shower floor, along with yourself. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Did I happen to mention using a kitty pool?
Fake cum has a million and one uses. I cannot possibly name all of them. However, I will say that no matter whether your fantasy and sex-play is solo or with a partner, straight, gay or bi, group sex, glory holes, bukkake, bondage, gangbang, non-consensual, etc., you will be able to find a fantasy that satisfies you, or your partner, or maybe both of you. I am sure that all of you are capable of concocting your own scenarios for using fake cum. However, I am going to throw out some options anyway.
Shower Bukkake – Either my wife (strap-on) or I (erection) will stand in the corner of the shower with a couple of squeeze bottle of fake cum within easy reach. Suction cup dildos are adhered to the shower walls on either side of the person standing. Placing a gardening or shower kneeling pad in front of the stander, the bukkakee(?) kneels down in front of the penises/strapons/dildos and begins to perform oral sex on all of them. When ready, the stander will grab a couple of squeeze bottles and start spewing away. The bukkakee moves from cock to cock and gets blasted from every which way. Sometimes it’s the cock in front of you that’s spewing, and sometimes it’s from one or both sides. Whether you are pretending to be in the locker room, health club, public bathroom, or prison showers, this is a great one for satisfying your oral fixation and cum drenching. Once complete, keep the stander stationary so that they don’t slip or fall. The bukkakee should turn on the shower and quickly clean the floor to remove all slipperiness. Then the two of you can shower up and head to bed. (Note: my wife can’t aim for shit and I always end up with fake cum in my eyes. It doesn’t burn, just feels weird, and I can’t see clearly until I rinse my eyes under the shower.)
Blanket Bukkake – Place a blanket on the floor, with play pads underneath, and proceed to your favorite intercourse position. If desired, place some dildos on the nightstand or bedside above you for effect. Then, let loose with the bukkake. I try to hold the bottle up high so that gravity can add some speed to each squirt. In missionary position, my wife loves to feel loads of cum falling on her torso, particularly her tits. Doggy style, she like loads across her back. In cowgirl position, she has 2 favorites. One, she loves having loads splashing on her tits, especially when it runs down and drips off her nipples. Second, she leans forward to kiss me, and I drop a nice load at the top of her ass crack. She goes wild feeling the load of cum run down her ass crack, over her sensitive asshole, and then to her pussy lips.
Wife Sharing – Wife fucks herself stupid with a dildo, preferably very wide (for us, that’s 2.5 inches in diameter). When satiated, she withdraws the dildo, grabs the syringe and fills her vagina with about 20 ml. of fake cum (equivalent to 10 loads of actual cum). She reinserts the dildo and lets me know that she is ready. When I enter the bedroom, she gives me some quick dirty talk about her escapades with a single horse-cocked stud, or a group of well-hung men. She removes the dildo, and pulls back the blanket to reveal her well fucked pussy. By this time, I am raring to go, so I climb on-board and slosh around inside her stretched-out snatch. If I take too long (5 minutes), we have to stop, refill her pussy with fake cum, and use the dildo to stretch her back out. Then it’s my turn again. I must say that in this situation, her well-fucked pussy offers no friction, so I do need to wear a cockring to make this one work and that’s just part of the fun. We both enjoy this fantasy on a variety of levels. And yes, she does return to her normal, tight vagina within an hour or so.
Slutty Wife – When my wife has a girls’ night out, I tend to go to bed early and get some extra sleep. Sometimes she comes home a little tipsy and horny, so she heads to the guest bedroom, has a quick shower and then proceeds to do the vaginal dilation dance noted above. After a couple of orgasms, she fills her pussy with 50 ml. of fake cum, stuffs the fat dildo back into her pussy to serve as a cork, and then tiptoes across the house to our bedroom. She slips into bed, and then awakens me by gently squeezing my crotch. Once I am awake, she tells me a story about how she pulled a train (got fucked by a whole bunch of guys) at the where-ever she was, and she asks me if I would like to be the caboose. What man could say no to an offer like that? She withdraws the dick-shaped cork that is holding back all the fake cum. I climb aboard and fuck her well-used pussy to one last orgasm, with my own orgasm following closely behind. Rolling off, we both get a quick wipe from a towel and drift off to sleepy-land.
Cuckold 1 – This one is a variation on the wife sharing, except I thoroughly lick her pussy before I enter her. I really enjoy getting my face sloppy, and we definitely stop to refill her pussy with fake cum multiple times. In fact, I will often move her into doggy position, fill her pussy with fake cum, crawl underneath her and lick her pussy. When she sits up, all that fake cum pours out of her well-fucked pussy and covers my face. Refill and repeat as necessary.
Cuckold 2 – Instead of licking an empty pussy full of cum, stick a dildo in it and then vigorously lick it. The thrusting of her hips causes the fake cum to ooze out of her pussy, around the sides of the dildo. I particularly enjoy when she is taking the dildo doggie-style and I am licking her from underneath. Her movements cause me to lick the dildo shaft, and sometimes it falls from her pussy into my mouth. I just give her another squirt from the syringe, and stuff the dildo back in. If she rides the dildo cowgirl style, then I have to lick her sloppy pussy from behind which means she gets a lot of rimming from me. If she rides reverse cowgirl (or is that just missionary?), then she gets her clit licked. All are good options for both of us.
Play it safe. Use quality ingredients. Maintain sanitation of equipment. Watch out for temperature extremes. Beware of slippery surfaces. Plan ahead for both safety and cleanup. And make sure you give your partner the orgasm they deserve.