I've been friends with LL for a long time but we've been particularly close the last few years after he was a great friend to me when i was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship which left me in pieces. He's been unhappy in his marriage for a long time & a couple of months ago he left his wife because he was no longer in love with her & she controlled & manipulated his life. Now it was my turn to be the good friend. One night about six weeks ago we were talking quite late into the night when he completely took me by surprise & kissed me & at first i was in shock but then reciprocated. I didn't let it go any further than that as i didn't want to be his rebound or ruin our friendship. Over the next week we found we were constantly drawn to one another & he admitted he'd had feelings for me for a long time & although i wasn't the cause of his marriage breakup, he realised it was over whenhe couldn't stop thinking about me. We've been doing the dating thing since then although secretly as his wife is still constantly trying to control his life & we wanted to see how things were without any interference from her. Everything has been so easy. We've known each other so long that we have no secrets from one another, can be completely honest, no mind games & although we haven't had sex yet things have got very heated & we've been open & honest there too. Basically the perfect relationship except for his baggage.
On Saturday he had a family day for his mum's birthday & then his sister's engagement party which were both organised months ago so the wife was invited which i understand. Initially she wasn't interested in going to the engagement party but saw it as a way to control him & went along, on the pretense that she was accompanying their kids. Again, i understand this- they have a family so she will never be completely out of his life. Sunday morning she tagged photo's of him on her fb account & changed her profile pic to one of them slow dancing. I challenged him & told him i didn't think it was appropriate when he's spent all this time trying to convince her that he's moving on. He told me she asked him to get close to her to see if there were any feelings there so he did to prove to her they were gone. I'm not a particularly suspicious or jealous person but i decided to ask him when the last time they had sex was & turned out it was saturday night. His excuse was that he needed to prove to her there was nothing there & the sex was as empty as doing it with a stranger. I've told him that he's blew it with me & it's not the sex i can't handle but that he broke my trust as he admitted he wouldn't have told me if i didn't ask. He can't understand why i'mwalking away from something which could be potentially great as he truly believes i'm his soul mate ( i don't believe in soul mates anyway).
Am i just being melodramatic or am i right in thinking this is a dealbreaker?
ETA: My friend has told me to take the last few weeks as a confidence boost & not let it affect me but it's eating away at me. My sexual confidence was destroyed in my last relationship as my ex couldn't correlate between me being a 'good' girl who was quite adventurous sexually. He had me labelled in that little box & eventually i became quite repressed. LL knows all about this hence me wanting to take it slowly until i was comfortable enough to lose my inhibitions as i didn't want us to start off on the wrong foot.
I'm not short of admirer's & since turning 30 last year i seem to have a man magnet but i don't put myself out there either as i know i have these sex issues now & i'm scared i would freeze. I felt comfortable telling LL all this as he was there & saw how damaged i was whereas i don't think a stranger could imagine me like that as i'm a bubbly, friendly & flirtatious person.
This post has been edited by Babybl00: Mon Jul 11, 2011 01:49 PM