Adventurous women in the bedroom Do you have to bring him up to speed?
Posted Wed Jul 13, 2011 01:39 PM
Posted Wed Jul 13, 2011 01:47 PM
Posted Wed Jul 13, 2011 03:09 PM
Posted Wed Jul 13, 2011 07:06 PM
Posted Fri Jul 15, 2011 02:26 PM
In the time Mr._C. and I have been together, I'd say that I've taken the lead more often than he has when it comes to our sex life. It's not so much that I have to bring him up to speed as he's not a bad lover. He's a good lover - and he's open-minded. But he's shy when it comes to expressing his sexuality.
When we first started having sex, he was very quiet. He didn't make much noise during sex, was pretty reserved, and it took me a long time to figure out how to bring him to orgasm during a blowjob because he didn't really direct me all that much. I had to figure a lot of things out on my own. But I lost my virginity to him, and it was a wonderful first time. I feel lucky because a lot of women don't have a good first time. I even had an orgasm - it was great. So it's not about lack of skill on his part at all. I've always been satisfied with our sex life. And it's not that he just wants to cum and roll over and go to sleep. He does, of course, get tired afterward, but he'll hold me while we both fall asleep, or we'll help each other clean up. He tries to stay awake much of the time and talk with me a little bit, but sometimes we just fall asleep. I don't take it personally.
The good thing is that he has grown. Very slowly. But he's growing all the time. He makes much more noise now than he used to. He actually talks during sex and will sometimes tell me to do a certain thing or explain what he likes - and I love that he's able to give me direction in bed now. I don't know if I've really done anything in particular other than just being patient and letting him take his time and come around on his terms. I've had to be very patient with him - but I do see progress. The change from the beginning until now is great, and I'm sure he'll continue to grow and become more open with me. He still doesn't share any of his sexual fantasies with me. And I know he has some because everybody does. But he seems to think that a sexual fantasy has to be something wild that we'd never do IRL, which just isn't the case.
One thing I feel like I'm still trying to get him past sometimes is his previous relationship - in that she was in control when it came to sex. I don't mind being in control, but I'm not her, and I do want to relax and let him take control. He does sometimes, and I really enjoy it when it does. When we got that restraint system I reviewed in my blog - well, first of all, that was HIS idea, and I was thrilled that he wanted to get a toy like that for us. And when he restrained me and we had sex, it was amazing. I loved being cuffed because I literally couldn't do anything. I had to let him take control - and he was forced to take the lead with me unable to move much. In his previous relationship, he tells me that they had sex when she wanted to and when she initiated and sometimes would go two months without having sex. I couldn't believe it when he told me! I can't imagine going two months without sex of any kind. But he apparently had no control and had to have sex by her rules, which I think is a shame. He's getting there, but I don't feel like I've completely gotten him past that mentality - the idea that he has to follow rules and only have sex with me when I clearly want to have sex. That's not true, and her rules don't apply to me or our current relationship, but he was with her for seven or eight years and was going to marry her, so it's going to be tough to completely break that habit. Once we do though - I think that might be the biggest accomplishment yet. I have tried to convince him that it's alright to have sex with me whenever he wants to. Rarely have I ever turned him down because I want him to get used to feeling like it's acceptable to initiate sex. And he does. I just feel as if I do it more often than he does.
We'll get there, and I'm sure that there will be a day when he'll start to open up to me and share some sexual fantasies - maybe we'll even watch some porn together sometime. But he's fine with using toys together, and it'll take time. I just have to continue to be patient and recognize the baby steps he's taking.
Posted Fri Jul 15, 2011 02:53 PM
Posted Fri Jul 15, 2011 02:59 PM