I've had a lousy day - well, that's a bit harsh I suppose, but it hasn't gone as well as I wanted, that's for sure. And here I am again, reflecting on how frustrating people can be. Like I'm not.
When you really, really need people it seems there are so few that you can really, really count on. Or maybe it's that there are so few that I can really, really count on. Paranoia seeps into me every time it happens, that someone fails to deliver on a promising friendship, and I have to fight even harder the feeling that clearly the problem is me, it must be me, how can it be anything else, surely there can't be that many people who just don't seem to have the ability to follow up on initial - something - words are failing me now.
The worms creep in, trying to eat your soul, destroy your mind. Sometimes I even think they're going to win. But not tonight. Superman still has steel to spare.
Honestly, to think this melodramatic rubbish actually exists in my mind. You spend most of your life pushing people away, and by the time you're finally able to reach out to people, they just seem to find you too much to handle.
It's a shit business. Never mind, I think I'll go numb my brain with something to avoid all feeling till the heartache disappears again and I can go back to being a zombie.
I did mention the manic depressive bit didn't I?