Where i live its the biggest taboo you can speak...not being able to speak my mind...hiding behind my own identity.
A little back story to myself before i explain, just to clear things up and give some more sight into my own past...Names will be left out for obvious reasons.
I basically Raised myself, and still am...
Growing up i had an alcoholic mother, key word had. Shes now 9 years sober and i'm very proud of her...but i digress. During these times she went through many abusive relationships, since i had no father to speak of, i was very protective of her...if i even could. I recall numerous times when she jumped in the way of a blow aimed at me...even in her drunken stupor trying to protect her child. With my only male role model and father figure being a total douche, i subconsciously i became very resentful towards men...even to myself. I saw me being a man as something horrible...and it only accumulated further as i progressed through highschool. I was, and still am, the 'go-to' guy for women to talk to about their bad boy friends (this still happens everyday of my life)...my caring and understanding nature was something most high school boys lacked...but i became more and more hateful towards men, including myself.I hated men, everything about them, so i saw what they were and how they acted and did the opposite, this included sex and any possible relationship. The only woman to ever ask me out didnt help this much either; once asked to the dance i was immediately abandoned so she could grind on other men...not that i cared at the time. Moving on, once i got out of high school nothing changed, deadbeat father and nothing much to look forward too, never being able to be myself...I 'adapted' many faces to what friends i could cling to, loneliness is truly the worst thing in this world.
Once i hit college, i had no friends...still lived with the parents, and really just floundering in my own proverbial pool of life...just treading water. Soon i sought out counseling in search of my own sanity.
Skip forward a few years and here i am, About a month ago i realized all this, and i joined this site in search of some sort of sexual release...It almost feels like i just hit puberty as i have been suppressing it for so long!
This site is more to me than just sex, sure its great...who doesn't love sex! But I've made some great friends so far, and hope to make many more...I prefer this place over Facebook any day...its a place where people dont come to just bitch about how bad their day was, its a place to have meaningful and intelligent conversations...and its full of people mature enough to talk about sex..
This is my story...hope you enjoyed it