Posted by minaharker , Sat Oct 15, 2011 10:00 PM
So I figured that I would tell the story of how Mina and I got into the lifestyle. Hopefully it will help others in similar situations.
First of all, Mina was raised in a strict Chinese household where freethinking and even the slightest hint of disobedience (especially from the girls in the family) was severely punished. This naturally included the topic of sex. When we meet in high school, Mina told me early on that the first time she would be having sex would be on her wedding night. Her family would continually tell her that men will only use you for sex and then leave you.
Needless to say, we had sex before marriage; eight years before to be exact. I have always had a very high sex drive and I would call Mina's about average. None-the-less, we were fairly adventurous in the beed room. Toys, erotic massages, anal play, Tantric techniques, and the like were used fairly regularly.
When I first started having the desire to watch Mina with another man (shortly before we were married), I thought I was crazy. Thankfully, the internet proved that I was not crazy, but almost par-for-the-course with that fantasy. Anyway, the urge kept growing and I began exploring swinger and wife sharing websites. I, like a lot of men, was wondering how I could even start to talk to my wife about it. After all, Mina still had a slightly prudish and proper side to her sexual nature from such a strict upbringing. She would say many times how she could never cheat on me or play with someone else, and I genuinely believed her.
So the first thing I did was write all of my feeling and fantasies down. Given that I enjoy writing and am a bit of a tech guy, I wrote many an encrypted page on some of the most taboo topics the general population could think of. After more exploring online and writing, I felt that I had a good understanding of my fantasy and what I wanted from it. Now, I just had to find a way to approach the topic.
To avoid a rather lengthy backstory, let me just cut to the chase. For a few months during love making, I would tell Mina that I had some pretty wild fantasies. I also told her that I was keeping a journal and writing all my fantasies down. She would ask about them but I keept it a secret for a few months. This safely added a bit to our lovemaking while also taking the first step; letting her know that I have fantasies that I have yet to fulfill.
After a few months of this (teasing about telling her, making her guess, etc.) during a particularly erotic sex session, while in the doggy style position, I bent over her and whispered into her ear that I was ready to tell her my biggest fantasy and if she was ready to hear it. She, rather seductively, looked back and said yes. I finally bit the bullet, and between her moans, I whispered to her, "I want to watch you fuck another guy." She smiled and asked me, "really?" It was one of the most erotic feeling in my life. We continued talking about it for a very short while (I didn't last long after that ;) until our session was over.
We didn't really talk about it after that. I did this on purpose so that 1) incase she was appalled at the idea, I could back out and say it was just the sex talking, and 2) if she at least started to entertain the thought, I didn't want to come across as pressuring her. However, during subsequently erotic sex sessions, I would ask her again how she felt about my fantasies. I never asked her to take action or make any kind of decision other than simply acknowledging that she was aware of my fantasies and knew what they were.
Then, a few months later, I printed out the fantasies that I had written and hid them next to the bed but in easy access. One day when we were making love, I looked at her and asked if she wanted to read my fantasies. I grabbed the paper, bent her over the side of the bed so that she could read it while I fucked her from behind. She read it out loud. It was incredibly erotic!
Anyway, over the next few years (you read that right...it has taken a very long time) we openly talked about the topic both during sex and in casual conversation. Being careful not to pressure her, I would give her scenarios and ask questions that forced her to at least think about the act. Over time, she became accustomed to the idea. She would even tell me stories about swapping or wife sharing while we made love.
The next step for me was to register on a few swinger web sites. Swing Life Style, Kasidie, and Swingular are the ones we frequent most. As I found potential couples, I would share their profile with Mina and we would talk about it. After a while, Mina eventually got to the point where she was interested in at least meeting new people, for friendship if nothing else.
I know this post is getting long so I'll cut to the case again. We eventually decided to attend a swingers party and meet up with a couple we meet online. The party was definitely new ground for us (but that's a story for another time) but we got to know another couple and ended up going out on a few dates with them. Eventually, we decided to take the step of having same-room sex with them at a local hotel. It was definitely erotic and Mina enjoyed the new experience. Since then we have meet up with them one other time for some play and we did a little soft-swapping with some sucking, fingering, and a lot of touching.
So I guess the point behind this story is:
- Persistance - This is new ground for most people as most of us have been brought up believing a monogamous sexual lifestyle is the only correct lifestyle.
- Take baby steps - Introduce the idea slowly and safely (for me that was multiple times during lovemaking).
- No pressure - Never pressure your significant other into this. You both have to know what it means and be ready for it.