I am 19 years old, and I'm graduating high school this year, since I started preschool a little late. My life is basically filled with a lot of strife and struggle, especially during my teen years. I've had so much trouble with my personal life and relationships, even though I'm an excellent student and I usually get Honors at my school.
However, I'm not asking for sympathy from any of you. Quite the opposite, in fact: I hate people feeling sorry for me; I don't need pity or sympathy, even though I may want it. It's not happening. Not anymore.
I'm done with trying to get attention when all I need to get attention is to just be myself. I'm gonna get this crazy thing called my life under control, and I'm already on my way since yesterday.
\Yesterday, in fact, is when I made these oaths. You see, my school is a special ed school, but it's not so bad now, partly because I'm maturing more every day and partly because of the fact that I'm graduating in June this year. I'll miss all my teachers, social workers, and friends that I've gotten so used to see their faces and enjoy their company every day, but it's all part of growing up and moving on into the adult world.
It won't be easy. Hell, this transition I know will be the hardest thing for someone with my mental illnesses (AD/HD and Asperger's Syndrome, fyi) to do. But I have help from my school's transition specialist, Mr. B (I'm not sayin any names, last or first, for obvious reasons); my case worker at BRS, HH; my case worker from the Kennedy Center, SP; and all the support from my friends at my clubhouse, BH; my school which I will leave soon; and all my new friends that I meet every day from wherever I travel on the bus or on the train and my families on my dad's and mom's sides. I know that I don't have to walk this path alone; I know that I will always have people that will always stand by me and help me any way that they can, which is always reassuring for a 19-year-old kid who's near his graduation, leading into the next phase of his life, adulthood.
I may fail at things. I'm not perfect; nobody is. Anyone who seems perfect in every way is a big tipoff that their perfectness is their biggest flaw. But I will not give up; I've done it before and, well, let's just say that it's not happening anymore. I will change myself into a person who will be what he wants to be by working hard and doing what needs to be done.
And it all began with the end of my job assessment at the Kennedy Center's accounting offices.
A job assessment is basically a short-term internship, usually lasting for a minimum of 20 hours, and you get paid for it afterwards, usually two weeks after you finished the assessment, providing that you've filled out your tax forms first. I worked for 4 days, each one lasting about 5 hours, from 9 to 2. I had a job coach, nicknamed Chip, which is basically a person who watches you while you're working and records your progress and behavior every day during your job assessment.
Let me tell you, it was tedious, and sometimes it was extremely annoying, especially if you were doing grunt work. But I loved it and I really integrated well into the office environment. Everyone liked me there and were quite impressed at how quickly I picked up on things and how well I did them.
Sure, I sometimes made mistakes, but everyone there didn't mind it in the least. They simply helped me correct my mistakes and I learned from them, and I rarely made the same mistake twice after that. That was new to me, learning from my mistakes. I rarely learned from them and tried to correct them so as to not make them again in the future; but this job assessment taught me that in order to survive in the adult world, I had to learn from them and not make them again. I'm taking that lesson to heart. It's important to me.
Yesterday was my last day for my assessment. As I was walking out, my case worker, SP, called me over to her office. I went there and she asked me if I was interested in a summer internship at the KC's accounting offices. Unsurprisingly, I said yes, and now, I'm possibly going to work at that office for the entire summer. I hope that if it goes well enough, I can stay there permanently.
This is my first milestone. I'm more confident in myself and I'm much more well-behaved. I know that this metamorphosis will not be a walk in the park, but after this, I'm willing to try.
And I will work at it until I've done what I have now set out to do: Become someone that I can be proud of. I will never give up. Ever.
That's my introduction. Next week, I'll give you a quick update on my life and I'll show you some of my stories-in-progress.
Before I sign off, however, I've had a tradition to offer one of my favorite quotes, either from external sources or those that I've made myself. I think that this first quote is quite appropriate for this blog post:
"What is life without strife? To truly succeed in all that you do, you must brave this maelstrom called life and try to do what you can do. In the face of strife, you must rise up against it and defeat it."
- From one of my characters, The Guru, an immortal wiseman who has the answer for every question about life.
That's all from the Blade of Night. The Powers that Be keep y'all safe and well.
Yours Always and Sincerely True, Now and Forever,