I think about so many things when I masturbate...past sex sessions--just the particularly good times where I came so hard my whole body shook. I just like sliding my hands down my body--feel my warmth and the softness of my thighs. I think about what if the guy I want--whomever that is, was doing this to me. I don't even know who he is, I have no one really that drives me crazy with love and longing. What if he were right there with me holding my body, breathing in my scent and slipping his hands down the front of my already soaking wet pussy. I don't even bother wearing panties to bed anymore cause i'll just be too lazy to bend down and pick them off from the floor after I'm done cumming the night before. I close my eyes and see him again, rubbing my clit slowly...making it nice and swollen, while my pussy starts dripping with juices. I like using a mirror when I masturbate, maybe that's a bit weird but I don't know I think it's interesting to see how wet my pussy gets almost instantly. I close my eyes harder and feel him stabbing his fingers inside me while my juices coat them...*I reach over and grab my vibrator* I turn it on and shove it deep inside me till my juices seep out and leak down my asshole and onto the sheets below. I love working my vibrator in my pussy...I sometimes forget what an actual dick feels like it's nice to have that pressure inside me...it sort of wakes me up from the waking coma that is my life at times. I cum so hard as the vibrator does its thing and I pull it out while I let out a gush of juices. I look in the mirror and see how messy my pussy is...I think about him licking my pussy clean. But instead I just lick the vibrator with my tongue and taste myself--tastes really good; I bend down and get a towel and wipe up my mess...it's all over. Back to reality. Damn!
Today, I have work. I don't wanna go I just wanna stay home and feel sorry for myself for not having a boyfriend to confide in and no close friends to lean on. I wanna feel sorry for my father abandonning me the second I graduated high school; my sister ignoring my entire exsistence and my mother for dying on me when I needed her the most and forming this hole in my heart called guilt for not being able to help her. I wanna just cry and cum all at once...but I can't. I have to be a productive adult to keep my dad from kicking me out of 'his house'. The house he only steps foot in about every fortnight so that he can say he vaguely gives a shit about me...thanks. So I'm on the bus to work and I feel like falling asleep against the cold glass but I can't because this is my stop. I get to work and see my boss...she's 21, worked at this place since she was 18 has a crap load more money than me; a boyfriend that worships her; a decent car and two parents that love her and still complains. I clock in and go sit in the back room and write a list of the inventory in the back. My job is pretty much 'the art of beauty' I sell the shit and tell the people that buy it how to use it...fun stuff. You'd think that since I'm always around nothing but hairdressers and salon owners I'd be surrounded by a constant sea of beauty but quite the contrary. Most of the customers that come to the store are older, wrinkled and somewhat manic--they come in mostly in Mercedes Benz's buy thousands of dollars in product and still can't find the time to fix their looks. Far be it for me to call anyone else out on looks for a long time I had to deal with people calling me all sorts of names due to my appearence. I lost weight, straightened my hair, bought new clothes and then suddenly I was beautiful? How had it been that simple? Why didn't anyone tell me this before...sons of bitches. Anyway, work is pretty much a tossed up coin...heads says my boss will be in a good mood where she wants to be my friend and I'll feel good because it feels like someone actually likes me and wants to know me; or tails says she'll be the young boss who's better than me, has more friends than me, brags about how she's always going out and how much work she puts into the store and how I just need to pay attention to what I'm doing because appearently I do nothing right. Lately she's been on a heads cycle and I like it. I don't come into work as nervous and as quiet. I pretty much try to think about being home and in my bed with some man...some man that loves me. I see my boss's boyfriend he comes in and haves lunch with her in the back. They look like they have so much fun and laugh and enjoy each other. I can't even stand the sight I just leave to avoid the awkwardness. I sit in the front and style the mannequin head's hair...what style will I do today? I don't know...depends on my mood. I'll give her Medusa hair; put all kinds of kinky twists and turns and spike up her bang with ultra smoothing gel...smooth out the ridges...I have my own to smooth out. I have my own shitty life to worry about but its nice to take it out on a lifeless doll head. The nice thing about winter is that it gets dark earlier--I like it like that it makes me feel like it's night and that anything can happen...even a date?
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