So I am who I am because and in spite of where I was and what I have been through. I am currently re gaining my faith and relationship with God. Because of where I have been I have a great deal of empathy/sympathy for those who suffer from depression or any mental illness. I also am forever a different person than I would have been if not for the depression. My attitude towards death is drastically and forever changed. I view death as one would the black sheep of the family, they're family so you have to at least tolerate, but you really don't like them. I do not fear death and while I no longer have any desire or thoughts to harm myself I have put myself in possible harms way in the assistance of others. Before the depression I would not have done so. Why do I do so? Is it truly to help others, to right a wrong? or is it a desire to complete what I failed at before. I believe it is the former. I believe this because while the situations held the slim potential it was unlikely at best to end in my death.
I should mention that I have been in counseling and have a great friend that happens to be a Phd in neuro-psycology that has been and continues to be a great friend and sounding board. (one of the very few people who knows the whole story, being there from the start.)
Again if you see yourself please get help.