But I'm going to start by telling you how I ended up having anal sex for the first time. This also sort of brings me to the first question - how to bring up the subject of anal sex with your partner. Mr._C. and I never discussed having anal sex before it happened. We were spooning in bed under the covers, and he started pressing against me from behind. I poked my butt out and was grinding against him. I felt him getting hard, and I was getting turned on, so when his hard cock started poking against me back there, I just kept going because it felt good. Neither of us said anything - he just sort of poked just the tip of his cock against my anus. Then, he did it again and pressed a little harder. He pulled back and did it again. He did this over and over again over several minutes, and before I really thought about it, we were thrusting fast and hard enough (still spooning) that the bed frame and headboard were squeaking. Because we were visiting my family, we had to keep the noise down, so we got up from the bed and moved to the floor. I put the pillows underneath me to both make the floor comfortable and prop myself up - bent over - while Mr._C. entered my ass from behind again. We finished on the floor, and it was one of the most erotic sexual experiences of my life.
Now, just because Mr._C. and I didn't discuss anal sex beforehand and still ended up having a good time, that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about anal sex with your partner before trying it. A lot of people worry about having anal sex because they believe it's unsanitary or because they're afraid it will be painful. Your partner might be one of those people, and instead of being erotic, the first experience you have with anal sex could end up confirming their fears if you don't warn them first that you want to try it. But you don't know how to bring it up. If you and your partner are comfortable enough to watch porn together, watch some porn that contains some of what you normally like to watch and some anal sex scenes. Watch your partner's reaction - if they're not immediately disgusted, then that's a good sign. Ask them about those scenes later - "We picked a really good porn video this time. Did you like it?" or "I never thought I'd be so turned on by anal sex scenes. What about you?" Try talking about anal sex without putting yourselves in that situation. Make the discussion about the porn. If you don't watch porn with your partner, you can try slowly and gently introduce them to anal sex by stimulating their anus before trying penetration. When you're performing oral on your partner, try rimming them with your tongue. It's a different sensation at first, but it definitely won't hurt to lick their anus, so you can slowly work up to penetration once they get used to that type of stimulation. You could also use a finger to press gently against their anus without putting your finger inside. If your partner doesn't react negatively to this type of stimulation, that's also a good sign. It shows that - while you may not have discussed having anal sex - your partner might be curious.
The next two questions are linked, IMO. You want to be able to have anal sex painlessly, and you don't know what type of lube to use. First, let me say that you need to use lube when you have anal sex. It bears repeating - you need lube. Seriously, use some kind of lube. Do you have lube? No? Please don't subject your partner to anal sex until you get some. Find a lube that you and your partner both like and keep it handy. Before I talk about painless penetration, I'm going to recommend two different types of lube: water-based and silicone-based. I personally prefer water-based lube. It's easier to clean up than silicone-based lube because silicone-based lube might require soap and water. Water-based lube can be wiped off with just a damp wash rag. Water-based lubes are also compatible with condoms and sex toys and won't degrade the materials. If you're using silicone-based lube, be aware that silicone-based lubes can potentially degrade sex toy materials. Silicone-based lubes are not to be used with silicone toys. However, water-based lube often doesn't last as long as silicone-based lube will. Water-based lubes can dry up or evaporate quickly, which means using more. Silicone-based lubes will stay slippery longer. But silicone-based lubes contain no water, so they're not water-soluble, which means they can stain sheets and other fabrics. But the flip side of not being water-soluble is that silicone-based lubes are great for shower sex because they won't break down under the water. It really depends on what you and your partner like. My favorite lube - and one that I'll always have a bottle of in my toy drawer - is Hydra Lubricant. There are also lubes that are specifically made for anal sex - the package will say so. These lubes often have desensitizing agents in them so that anal sex is less painful, but I wouldn't recommend using this type of lube, especially if you're an anal beginner. If you feel pain during anal sex, then something's wrong, and you want to be able to tell when you're feeling pain. Desensitizing yourself before anal sex can cause you to hurt yourself without even knowing it.
And we come to having painless anal sex. There are a few keys here that can save you a lot of pain when you try to have anal sex for the first time.
- Use more lube than you believe you'll need. The anus doesn't self-lubricate the way the vagina does. Unless you use lube, your entry will be dry, which can be incredibly uncomfortable or painful. Lube up both your cock and your partner's anus before attempting penetration. The less friction she feels, the less pain she'll feel. There is a level of smooth, wet friction that feels very pleasurable.
- Prepare your partner beforehand. This could mean using your tongue to rim her, pressing against the outside of her anus with your fingertip, inserting a finger into her ass, or using "training" toys (like small butt plugs or anal beads) to prepare her for the sensation of anal sex, which can be strange at first. We'll talk more about toys below. Begin outside her anus. Then, use a smaller finger or toy to ease her open so that her muscles relax. Start with your pinky, which should be your smallest finger, or the smallest toy you can find. Anal beads are perfect, but I'll go into more detail about toys in a minute.
- Once you're both lubed up and prepared for penetration, SLOWLY ease into her. Try just getting the tip of your cock inside. Then, the whole cock head. Even now, you're only maybe an inch or so inside her ass. She must relax her anus and allow you inside. If you're pushing and not going any deeper, then give her a moment to try to relax more. Don't push too hard or enter her too fast because it will hurt. Continue entering her - an inch at a time - until you're all the way inside.
- Even better - let her control the speed and depth of penetration. Stay still and allow your partner to relax her muscles and take you in slowly at her own pace. You might be tempted to start thrusting - but don't! I like to take Mr._C.'s cock as deep as it can go and have him stay still for just a few seconds. My muscles adjust to him filling me, and it doesn't hurt when he does start thrusting.
Anal beads are inserted and can be left in place during vaginal sex, but they're meant to be pulled out at the moment of her climax. Anal beads come in longer strings. They tend to start small and gradually get larger as you move along the string. You can use anal beads during foreplay and tease her by popping the beads in and out of her ass as you slowly insert them. Insert three, pop one out, insert two more, pop one out, insert three more, pop two out, etc. This technique is also good for anal "training." And there are two ways to remove them - slowly and quickly. You can wait until she starts to cum and yank them out quickly like a zipper. Or you can wait until she starts to cum and slowly pop each one out timed with the squeezes of her pussy. I've tried both methods, and I like the slower removal better. Each bead that pops out makes my pussy spasm again, so my orgasm can last as long as it takes Mr._C. to pull all of the beads out. I have this string of ten smallish anal beads.
Prostate stimulators are for men and provide anal prostate stimulation, which can make a man's orgasm more powerful and intense. Many men who have tried prostate stimulation greatly enjoy it and say that it makes their orgasms more pleasurable. Now, prostate stimulation can be done with your fingers, but prostate toys are usually larger than fingers, and they have other features, such as vibration or curved shapes. I suppose I'd include strap-ons in this category as they're typically worn by a woman and used on a man for anal penetration. Prostate stimulators tickle the prostate gland or vibrate or provide pressure against it. This can be sort of like stimulating a woman's G-spot.
I hope this guide answers some basic questions about anal sex. If you have any questions that I didn't answer here, please comment on this blog entry, and I'll do my best to answer them.
Thank you for reading!
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