So, let's start this out when I was in 8th grade, as that was when things kind of went downhill. I was not a happy kid when I was growing up; at this time my mom had just recently been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and my father hadn't been in a wheelchair for more than a year or two. I was sad, lonely, and felt like I had very few friends. When I began my 8th grade year of Intermediate school, I started hanging out with a group of very bad kids. Now, I'm going to say this, and it may be offensive to some. The group of people that I hung out with did drugs, and cut themselves, and all sorts of things, "the Goth kids" was what everyone called them -- us -- in school. We were the supposed bad asses of the school, the troublemakers, etc. They accepted me, because when I was in 8th grade I weighed over 300 lbs. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, I was doing awful in school, and I had been telling my parents how much I hated them. It was when I started hiding my terrible report cards and getting grounded that I realized I needed to do better. My parents took away -- by force -- every item of black clothing I owned, every piece of Satanist jewelry I had, and anything that could have been associated with the group of kids I hung out with.
Skip forward to the middle of March, when my 8th grade class goes away to Washington, D.C. and I stay behind. I failed 3 classes, so I couldn't go. A few days before the trip this guy had started paying attention to me. I was thrilled, because even though he wasn't cute to me, he was a guy! He was paying attention to me! The fat kid! I was thrilled, of course, until the middle of our "movie class" on the first day of the trip. If you didn't go to D.C., you simply stayed at the school with 1 teacher putting in movies and monitoring 3 different classrooms as we wrote reports and watched the movie. So, we began watching The Devil's Advocate, and the guy that had been paying attention to me was sitting in front of me. He reached back, turning around in his seat, and put his hand on my knee. I didn't move, I knew at that moment something was not right because my stomach churned to the point of pain, and my heart was pounding. As we watched the movie, he looked at me and slid his hand between my legs. He said, "If you were a Jewish girl in that concentration camp I'd fuck the shit out of you. I'd make your fucking pussy bleed until you cried out and begged me to just fucking kill you." He moved away then, and I was left speechless. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and finished my report.
I remember going home and getting in the shower, and I remember that I actually ended up slicing a piece out of my leg with a razor because I was so upset I was shaking.
The next day at school it stormed. It was bad, power flickered on and off, and as I went through this kid fingering me/rubbing me through my clothes again I just wanted school to be over. I got up out of my chair and got my things to get to the bus, and I remember it was hard to move. My legs were shaking, and I felt really sick. I don't know why but I took a different way to my bus that day, through the old theatre building that no one ever used. I walked through the Green Room and he had followed me inside without me knowing. I was raped when I was 13 years old, and my parents didn't believe me. He was found not guilty, because of who I hung out with, and how I looked. I was a troubled kid, and the lawyer that he had made it look like I just didn't want to tell my mom and dad I'd had sex.
I stopped talking to everyone. He harassed me in classes after that until school ended, and made my life hell. I started gaining weight, because I couldn't get the things he said to me during the rape out of my head. By the start of my Freshman year of High School that following Fall I weighed nearly 450 pounds. It was awful. I didn't feel confident enough to wear anything. I cut my hair short, and tried to simply blend into the background. The guy who raped me was in 2 of my classes at school, despite a restraining order, and it was about mid-semester when I lost my mind. He tried to grab my ass when I was in my gym shorts, and I don't really remember much other than being on top of him and just trying to hit him as hard as I could. I got suspended, and he did too. His parents pulled him out of school shortly after, and suddenly all the friends I had had the year before were gone, and people that I never expected to talk to me, did. I began making new friends, and with the new friends came weight loss.
I was starting to get happy again, and it was great.
By Sophmore year I began the outward changes. My clothing style got a little makeover, and so did my body.
Junior year was when it all really happened for me. I was down to my weight now, which is 250 pounds (I'll say it proudly, I'm not ashamed) and I was talking to the "popular" kids. I hung out with Jocks, and the hottest guys in school were asking me out on dates, and to Prom. Instead, though, I went to raves and began to dress a little sluttier. I started wearing low cut shirts, which got me in trouble, and I was a big shot in the choral program. By Senior year everyone knew my name. I could walk down the hallway and have every single person stop and smile, or talk, and if I wanted a guy to look my way, he did. I knew I was hot shit. I don't know if it was the not caring what people thought, or the confidence that made me feel so much better about myself.
So, let's fast forward now to... well, now! I'm 21 years old, and I love life. Yeah, I've made some mistakes but who hasn't? I'm still young, and I'm going to make mistakes no matter how hard I try not to. I'm one of the most popular girls on campus, and I have a great, happy family life. And now? Well, ha. I'm even more confident than ever! People see it as being a bitch, or being cocky, but I try really hard not to come off like that. I just love who I am! I know that I'm a good person, inside and out, and I want other people to realize that you don't have to look a certain way or act how society deems appropriate. I will cuss and carry on in public, I get loud when I laugh and tell dirty stories in the middle of a bookstore. So what? In the past year I've spoken to a group of high school girl's at the request of a teacher I had in HS myself about body image, and I am constantly asked by younger friends how to handle situations from sex, to body image, to makeup.
So, I've changed a lot. I went from a frumpy fat girl, to a fucking bombshell. It took a while, yes, but I'm certainly happier now! I hope that I continue to grow, and I hope that you enjoyed reading this.
A little insight into someone new, you know?
It can be fun!