So, I searched through my in box, checked my notes, observed the mating patterns of one eyed muskrats and decided to answer the most common questions I receive.
Q. Why does my SO refuse to wear his/her wedding ring?
A. It is understandable why this causes so much confusion and raises many valid questions. I will give the most common answers:
1. Your SO doesn't have any fingers and you are being an insensitive prick.
2. Your SO is allergic to cheap jewelry.
3. Your SO works with machinery and a ring could get caught in it.
4. Your SO wants to appear single/available to others with the hopes some young thing will approach him/her for a one night stand. Mojojojo labels these people as douche bags and you deserve better.
5. Your SO is not aware of the life and marriage that you have created in your mind and you are a stalker. Seek help or come visit Mojojojo for some hands on therapy (females only, please)
Q. Do penis enlargement pills really work?
A. That is a matter of perspective. If you are the manufacturer of said pills, then yes. They obviously work at making you tons of money off the insecurities of men. If you are a potential customer, no. As of this writing, there are no magical pills, smoothies, ointments, or voodoo shaman that can permanently alter the size of your penis. However, there are some exercises and surgeries that can make some minor changes in the shape and size of your little Napoleon. Keep in mind, these changes are not major. You cannot go from Wee Willy Winkie to John Holmes in any kind of natural way.
Q. Why are men such pigs?
A. Mojojojo thinks you are unfairly categorizing a complete sex based of a few bad experiences, but I digress. The group of men that you are referring to are usually self centered, egotistical bastards. Everything revolves around them and even when it seems like it doesn't, in their mind it still does. Even though you think you can, you cannot change these men. They do not want to be changed. Relationships with these types of guys will always have problems and you will always have trust issues. The real question you should be asking is why are you so attracted to this type of male?
Q. What is the boiling point for Iodine?
A. 458.55K 185.4°C 365.7°F
Q. What is the recipe for peanut butter cups?
2 cups milk chocolate chips
2 tablespoons shortening
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
1 cup confectioners' sugar
2/3 cup graham cracker crumbs
1.In 1-quart saucepan combine chocolate chips and shortening. Cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, until melted and smooth (3 to 5 minutes).
2.Loosen top paper cup from stack, but leave in stack for greater stability while being coated. With small paint brush, coat inside top cup evenly with about 1 teaspoon melted chocolate to about 1/8-inch thickness, bringing coating almost to top of cup, but not over edge. Repeat until 30 cups are coated; refrigerate cups.
3.In 2-quart saucepan combine butter or margarine and peanut butter. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until melted (4 to 6 minutes). Stir in confectioners' sugar and graham cracker crumbs. Press about 1/2 tablespoon filling into each chocolate cup.
4.Spoon about 1/2 teaspoon melted chocolate on top of filling; spread to cover. Freeze until firm (about 2 hours) carefully peel off paper cups. Store refrigerated
Q. Why do you love women so much?
A. Mojojojo doesn't fully understand this question. How can you not love them, but I shall try to answer the best way I can.
The way they look.
The way they smell...this is a big one for Mojojojo, women have a certain scent that cannot be reproduced in any lab or scent factory. You know the smell I am talking about, the one where you pick up when a woman walks by and you walk through the draft created by her. Heavenly.
The way their skin feels.
The true tenderness only a woman can have. Not saying a man can't have this, but there are things that women are just better at.
The fact that women are not men.
That look only a woman can give.
The touch of a woman.
The ability to soften a heart with just a smile.
They look great in t-shirts, dresses, pants, bikinis, lingerie, nothing, whipped cream, hot oil, my bed, etc...
Lack of adam's apple.
The feeling you get when a woman truly loves you
And this is just scratching the surface. Mojojojo cannot be expected to give all the reasons why he loves women so much. It's like asking why a dog licks his balls...because he can! Ok, maybe not the best example, but you get the general idea.
Q. My husband is very sensitive and seems to get his feelings hurt a lot. He always thinks people are talking about him or that no one likes him. What can I do to help?
A. These questions make Mojojojo shake his head. Mojojojo has little experience with this type of "man," but he will do my best to answer your question.
You have to approach this very carefully and in the correct way, you wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings......ok, Mojojojo cannot even type that with a straight face.
First, go up to Mr. Sensitivity and bitch slap him across the face. Then tell him to get off his pansy ass and act like a man. He is correct when he thinks people are talking about him, they are talking about how much of a pussy he is. So what if he gets his feelings hurt, that's life. No one likes him because he is insecure and has low self esteem. Why? No one cares why! He needs to suck it up, grow a pair, and stop blaming everyone else for his shortcomings. Make him own up to being a little bitch, then grab him by the balls and tell him if he ever wants to use that shriveled up, flaccid excuse for a cock again, he is going to have to start acting the chest beating, testosterone pumping, cock swinging, pussy loving, no bullshit taking, anchor in the storm, bad motherfucker, defender of your honor, alpha male, leader of the pack, swagger in his walk, tough as nails, son of a bitch that you need him to be.
If he cries, asks for time to do some soul searching, wants to be held, needs to find himself, calls his mommy, lays on the floor in a fetal position, hides under the bed, references Sex in the City, Fried Green Tomatoes, or any fucking lifetime movie, kick him square in his vagina, pack your shit up and get out!
Always keep in mind, Mojojojo is only giving advice on what he would do in a given situation. Following his advice may not be the best option or even the sanest. If Mojojojo has offended you, pissed you off, ruined your life, etc... he would like to address this now
"Stop being so fucking sensitive and get over it! Stop blaming other people for your shortcomings or making excuses as to why you are inadequate at life. Get off your lazy ass and do something for yourself instead of waiting/hoping others will do it for you."
Mojojojo welcomes any type of questions, comments, bra sizes, private pictures, or thoughts that you may want to send. He never uses names in his blogs, unless specifically asked to do so.
That's all for now. Stay tuned for more randomness.
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