I recently requested a name change, who'd I'd like to thank Q for doing for me Dominance is often conveyed by the use of Capital Letters at the start of a word. Notice, Dom and Master are always capitalized, where sub is always lower case. Previously, I was smartguyswin- but now I'm correctly designated SmartGuysWin. It was an oversight when I created the name, before D/s became a part of my sexual life. My old name was a signifier of being a sub, which is way too far from the truth. Just a little internet-rules-interjection for ya.
n. the disposition of an individual to assert control in dealing with others.
In a D/s relationship, even just a role-play one, the 'role' that each partner assumes is a large part of the experience. Most people easily determine which is which from the first time they experiment in bed. One takes a dominant role, which more often than not is the male, with females being more submissive in nature. Of course, this isn't the only way to do it. As we all know, there are no sex guidelines that prohibit anything in the bedroom. The dominant role is a more active role, it's highly involved, can be stressful and even appear as a daunting task. The first time we tried to role play in this way, I felt like I was stuttering; my actions didn't flow and it was difficult for me to grasp the concept of being a Dom. People in this situation often say to themselves, "What the hell do I do now?!". The fact is, you do what you want. The roles each partner takes up is supposed to be additive to the normal pleasures of sex. Easier to understand; you should get off by acting out your role. It should excite you, turn you on, make you feel strong and empowered. You have your partner at your finger tips. If that isn't your idea of a good time, you're probably not a good Dom.
Being a Dom, (or Domme as it is called for a female) the most important thing to realize is that you have a willing, consensual submissive at your service. (For this article, all Doms will refer to males, and all subs will refer to the female gender.) She exists to serve her master, her only desire is to be used as Master sees fit, to pleasure himself with. As a Dom, this is an incredible devotion, your woman is essentially giving her mind and body in its entirety to you. In response, the Dom is doing his thing to bring immense pleasure to his sub, as well as himself. A Dom should be well versed in his partners likes and dislikes, with her likes being used as treats for a well behaving sub, and dislikes being her erotic punishments. I can't NOT mention the 'intolerable', or 'no-go' area; the acts that a sub prohibits her Dom from doing. Basically, where the line is drawn. Additionally, use of a safe word is the disarmament of a Dom's assault; the safe word is the only sense of security for a sub, and a good Dom will never violate this critical promise. These are the necessary disciplines for a good Dom.
Rule #3- I promise to never violate any pre-set restrictions, I will exercise my power to put the both of us in ecstasy, and I will stop at the drop of a hat. I accept all responsibility for my subs health and safety, in designating myself Master.
(see, even Master has rules)
A good Dom isn't always the most experienced or the most creative. A good Dom is a respectful and appreciative Master. As I mentioned, the number one issue is the "what do I do" feeling. The way I see it, there are a few options.
4) Orgasm Control.
This is where it is critically important to know what is good and what is out of line. Some subs are intolerant to pain and humiliation, whereas others love it. Unfortunately, in a situation where inflicting pain is a major part of a particular Dom's game, and a new submissive isn't receptive to pain, there's a good chance that it's just not going to work. Now we'll walk through each, one by one.
Bondage seems to be a strong signifier of a D/s relationship. Many people associate bondage with BDSM, when in fact, one does not necessitate the other. Bondage takes form in many ways, from something as simple as handcuffs, to complex rope tying and suspension, or hanging your partner from above, supported from various points in the body. (not the neck.....) Bondage can be a tricky thing, in your mind, as a Dom, you imagine tight, complex patterns of rope, tape, cloth, or all sorts of restraints and tie-downs. There's so many types of equiptment, tables, crosses, benches, hooks in the wall, the list goes on. But the most important thing about bondage is (aside from it's safety), your personal ability to apply bondage efficiently, sexually and not clumsily. If you don't know how to tie good knots, try tape at first. Of course practice makes perfect, and nobody says you need to tie knots. For the sake of the mood, this is a good time to use a blindfold if you are feeling pressured. You are the Master, take as long as you want. Put your sub in line if they speak out negatively, impatiently or otherwise. Remember that safe word(s), because "No" "stop" and "OWWWW" aren't good here.
Bondage can take place in many positions. I have one of those under-bed restraint systems, just a few straps that go under a mattress with hooks and cuffs to hold your sub down. They are very effective, simple to use, and not too expensive if you shop around. If you want your sub strapped down spread out wide, facing up or down, this is useful. But once in place, you have to work a little to move her around. If she's strapped down on her back facing up, you can't spank her obviously. We'll often change a bit, start in one position and move to another.
Cuffs are very useful, they make it a lot easier to tie down quicker, especially with various types of clips and clasps that are readily availible from a hardware store. It makes for safe and efficient bondage, with a velcro cuff (velcro is VERY strong I should add), you don't risk cutting off circulation like you could with a rope. Clasps make it easy to release your sub quickly. Those cheap key-hooks are perfect. Cuffs usually have a metal ring to snap it on. From there, you can even tie the clasp down with rope, or up, or back.
I have a length of rope tied to a doorknob, thrown over the top of the door, where it is tied to two wrist cuffs, and I always leave it in place. I can simply move my sub over to the cuffs, place her hands above her head and fastened the cuffs. her hands are above her head and she really can't get too far. Standing up positions are ideal, you can visually notice a lot of things in body language. You can go from back to front without disconnecting anything, like you'd have to do if they were tied down to a bed. It also gives some room for movement to watch them squirm.
Ok, I need to do work, but ill pick up from here another time. Enjoy for now!
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