He hurt me so badly...worse than I had ever been hurt in my life. A part of me will always have feelings for him.....will always care.....but a big part of me hates him for what he did to me..to us.
We went through a lot of shit the time we were together.Some good...some bad....and needless to say we didnt work out. Im not going to go into specifics.....but some things were said and done that cant be taken back/undone. We both hurt each other.
I even tried suicide.....and earlier today I contemplated it again. (I have other things going on that are really stressing me out right now )
But Im not going to do it. He isnt worth it. I have a lot to live for....a lot I still want to do..to see.
Now he is married to someone else......and I am seeing someone else.
My guy has been there for me through a lot....he has put up with a lot.....he has been there for me through all the shit with the ex. He knows everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING that happened and was said. I have known him for years....I wish I had opened my eyes a long time ago to what a truly wonderful man he is. We have been friends for a long time.
I am so lucky and so blessed that my man has stood by my side .....that he has always supported me even when he knew I was fucking up.
And it sucks that he was right.
But I can admit it.
Wish I had realized earlier how I really felt about him. He has been my rock.....my best friend...my confidant......he has been the one person I know deep in my heart I can always count on..that I can trust. I know he will never lie to me...and I know he will never hurt me or cheat on me. I know he will be there when I need him.
I did a lot of soul searching today......I know who and what I really want.....I know I have some things in my life I need to get taken care of before I can truly be happy with myself. And that is my next step.
The past is the past....its time to embrace the future and move on.