I don't know how to classify my living situation. Without giving away too much information, I live with two roommates who are both my best friends and also married. The wife is my sort of girlfriend, although she and I had dated for a few years before we made the decision to include her now husband in our relationship. She and I made a great couple, and hardly ever had problems, but he was alone, depressed, and becoming more reclusive by the day.
We made some unsuccessful attempts to force our presence on him as his seclusion got more and more problematic, and we eventually made ourselves his lifeline, if you will, as his depression was reaching its peak (this was especially true for her, rather than me, as he has sort of a problem opening up to men.) At one point she came to me and asked if I would mind having a threesome involving him, and the idea wasn't a great turn on to me but I could see that this was the fulfillment of a fantasy to her, so I relented and called it a gift... something nice I could do for her. And I viewed our relationship as being very strong at the time, so I didn't envision this becoming an issue in the future.
To cut down a lot on the length of this story, things inevitably (and predictably) got worse, leading the three of us to a year of back-and-forth relationships, heartbreak, confusion, and jealousy. Eventually, we settled into a comfortable living situation where both he and me were dating her, and things were relatively normal for a while. Then came a time where for reasons that were beyond any of our control, it became... let's say advantageous for them to get married, and so they got engaged with the promise to me that it would change nothing, that I was still an important part of the relationship, and that despite the new official title on paper, things hadn't changed between us at all.
Since around the time they got engaged almost a year ago now, she and I haven't been ... close. Sexually, that is. She's a very sexual person, don't get me wrong, and so am I. Her now husband is not. But he is the only one of the two of us she has any interest in physically, and while I can't really figure out why, I'm a little hurt. It's not that he's better than me in bed, I'm pretty sure he is (they have more closely aligned fetishes than she and I do) but that's not even what bothers me. It's the rejection. Being pushed away. Being made to hear the two of them at it at least once every other day, often once per day and sometimes more than once. Why should I have to hear them? Why shouldn't I be allowed to participate, why shouldn't I share in the love?
I know how it sounds reading this: like she's fallen out of love with me, but I assure you that's not the case. We go out often on walks, to dinner, to shop, etc, and not only do me and her understand each other better than any two people on earth, she tells me often that she still loves me too, that I'm her best friend, her strength, her love. I'm still allowed to kiss and hug her, it's just the sex and nothing else. And while I could usually separate the two in my head and say "That's ok, all of the most important parts of our relationship are not only intact, they're as good as ever!" I'm finding that hard to do. I won't deny that I desperately miss the sex for all of the love-related and all of the non-love-related reasons.
So internet, am I being stupid? She's already told me it's cool if I want to find a fuck buddy or something, but I don't really want to be with anyone besides her. She was my first, and my only partner, and forgive me if I'm scared to try again with someone new (not to mention I'm not a particularly social creature and I have little to no interest in being in ANY kind of relationship with anyone who's not her, because she gets me so well.) I can't decide how I feel about this, whether it feels more like being stuck in a rut or whether I'm overreacting.
If I receive any kind of encouraging feedback I'll be happy to answer questions as long as they don't lead me to giving away information I'm not comfortable with.