Posted by orlandofinest , Wed Mar 14, 2012 09:53 PM
Before we go male-bashing, let's look at ourselves. On some level we women know that if you "dress to get laid", men will always react to you just as a sex object. We also know that approaching men in this way is a sad (even potentially dangerous) substitute for forming an actual connection with someone worth the while, but on another level, many of us see this as the only way to attract men these days.
Why do we act like giddy sexually insecure adolescents?
One, because we have been told over and over that every man is a slave to his hormones. And if a woman wants to have control over men, she must control them by using sex as her weapon. But as many of us are realizing, there is a rude awakening to this jaded thinking. After the sex and the hormones are appeased, and if there isn't nothing else that a man admires and is attracted to in you, you're nothing but another piece of meat that's easily replaceable.
The second reason why many women feel that to attract men they must act pretentiously brazen with their sexuality is that many of us have been raised with the notion that a woman is either "saintly" or "sexually promiscuous": where "saintly" means she does not want sex, does not show any interest in sex and will passively have sex out of obligation to her man, and "sexually promiscuous" means she wants sex, enjoys sex and initiates or seeks sex. Both sexes reinforce this idea and sadly, we see this in many aspects of our society. Not just in the teachings of different religions or in the sex/dance/strip industry, but in the entertainment, modeling, and fashion industries.
In my position as a Dating /Sexual confidence Coach, I am advantaged in that I am privy to the very personal thoughts of many men and women, and get to talk to all kinds of men: class, race, age, cultures etc. who are not just looking for a one-night stand but looking to fall in love. When I pose the question of "What do you find sexy in a woman?" they all seem say they want and look for the same thing in women:
"It really comes down to how a woman carries sexiness; her brains and energy, and how comfortable she is in her body".
"What a woman wears defines who she is, but I've also seen the tiniest amount of clothing carried with so much class it could only fall into "sexy"
"These days women tend to have the same look. Too much make-up with too much boobs and leg. There is a lot of sexual baggage around that. I wish more women would behave with respect for themselves".
"I hear women say "It is the wild" in them. I was on a Safari a few months ago and I didn't see Lionesses or Zebra flashing their cracks and asses to tourists. I am glad that I personally know the difference between a wild woman and a slut"
"I love it when my girlfriend does the strip tease, but there is a time and place"
"I am attracted to women who show off their assets because they are proud. What I don't like about some of these women is the "me-me-me thing!"
The bottom line, smart and sexually evolved men want and keep smart and sexually expressive women who they love and respect, not women who they use and despise.
One important fact to keep in mind- when it comes to sexuality is that, it's not just about the body/genitals, it's about how we see our selves as sexual BE-ings; Our thoughts, emotions, intentions, dreams, hopes and actions. Our sexuality is a truly unique and valuable part of who we are, and is the blueprint of how we interact with the opposite sex; who we are attracted to and who will be attracted to us.
When you have high confidence in yourself as a sexual female you embody a strong erotic presence and your sexiness is effortless and truly magnetic at all levels: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. And when men sense that you are really cool with yourself like that, they will find themselves irresistibly drawn to you, and most times they don't even know why...
If you have problems with expressing your sexuality in a magnetic sexy way that attracts smart and sexually evolved men, find some good books on "wholistic sexuality" or work with a professional with a "holistic" outlook to sexuality. You will be surprised at just how easy and effortless it is to attract the man you want - and keep him coming back for more!
Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
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