Several weeks ago I was taken down to my hands and knees with the troubling realization of things that happened in the past. No matter how I looked at it things just weren't looking positive in any sort of way for me. With things looking darker and darker I was given some advice from someone that I care not to mention. No matter what happened then pick yourself up and carry on. If what is troubling you wasn't brought on by yourself for your own sake fight it to the end.
With those words in mind I spent much time pondering about the road that lie ahead of me. You can't change your past or the events that occurred in that time but, you can shape your future and change yourself to be the person you want to be. I became someone I didn't want to someone I wasn't proud of in any sense.
A little over a week ago I went through one of the toughest tests I have yet endured in my short life. Though it was only 48 hours in duration I literally worked myself till I bled. 16 hours or so from the end of this trial I sank into the beginning stages of hypothermia. No matter how warm I tried to get or how close I was to any source of warmth the moment I stepped away my body would begin to shake. The only solace I found during that miserable time was when we were moving. Even, though my fingers were numb; having to strap on my ruck sack and get moving gave me the necessary ability and focus to forget my problems and keep moving forward to get to our next point.
My body bleeding, swollen and sore I didn't give up. I pushed through to the end....
The following week I was given a tasking that took a turn in which I ended up working alone for the most part. Much to my luck it was doing something I enjoy. So tool box in hand I went to work on a project that is considered to be a higher level maintenance job. This afforded me some time to do something I consider relaxing. So I spent this week turning wrenches and pulling the entire turret apart of two of our trucks.
With having these events happen over the past several months I've felt lost and with some unexpected advice I found my path. The path ahead of me is still long and grueling but, I guess I'll just pick up my rucksack and enjoy the changes in scenery as I pass them by.
Written May 22, 2010