Over the last 40 years I have learned a lot about female sexual response. In the last 15-20 years in particular I have been particularly focused on the magical and mysterious relationship between a woman’s mind and her vagina. I have learned the subtle sensitivities of female genital anatomy and female sexual response. In the process I have fallen in love with women all over again and I have discovered the true sensuous beauty and wonder of women’s vaginas. In the process I have learned a lot about my own sweet J’s orgasms, her sexual anatomy and the erotic manipulation of her sex organs. I have learned how to court her to get her to relax and melt in my arms as I elevate her to the peak of arousal, tease her to the brink of unspeakable pleasure and pull her trigger to experience the desperately intense bliss of a pussy clenching orgasm.
Although a lot of people would say that it is boring to have sex with the same woman year after year, I have found just the opposite. Because of the basics of female anatomy, J has never had the benefit of a sustained close-up view of her own girly bits at rest, in arousal and in orgasm that I have. From the last 40 years of pleasuring her and watching her and reading her body language I know exactly how her clit looks and changes when it is erotically stimulated; I know her vaginal landscape at rest, in arousal, in orgasm and in its refractory state after orgasm. I have learned by seeing what the effect of stimulation on her clit, the mouth of her vagina, her inner lips, the roof and floor just inside of her opening has on her sexual response.
Even more subtly I have learned how her scent changes as her arousal elevates and I have witnessed how the flow of her natural lubricant changes as her sensation of pleasure builds and her arousal grows. I have watched her cum dribble from her opening as her pussy swells, dilates and spasms as her animal lust transforms itself to rapture in orgasm. I know where to touch her and how to get her to let go and succumb to warm enveloping orgasmic rapture as waves of sexual euphoria wash over her. I have witnessed the agonizing pleasure of her orgasming pussy contractions as I lay with my head on her thigh and my mouth inches away from her cunt as it gapped open as it screamed silently of its bliss. I have kissed her pussy in its post orgasmic bliss and I have licked the cream of her post orgasmic passion from her warm twitching pussy lips. I have learned a lot and I have enjoyed her beautiful pussy over the last 40 years.
Most of you who have read this blog know of my absolute love of cunnilingus. I get great joy out of relaxing J, putting her into a deeply euphorically erotic place then coaxing her from that dreamy sensuous place to step onto the desperate precipice of orgasm and jump into orgasmic free fall. I never tire of teasing her to the brink of her control and then watching her as she loses control and gives in to the divine manipulation of orgasmic pleasure that she holds in her own body. Aside from the experience of intense pleasure there is an intimacy that comes with cunnilingus that makes me feel incredibly close to her. I am always moved as I am laying on her warm inner thigh just inches from her pussy as it is yawning, quaking and convulsing in orgasm. The sight of her feminine organ in euphoric convulsions of while she moans her testimonial to the bliss she is feeling always serves to harden my cock and make it weep with my own passion.
But there are times when she is so totally sexed up that the languid stroke of my tongue isn’t what she is looking for. Those times her capacity or her need to be stimulated hard and have at least one orgasm before we fuck, are the times that having me masturbate her is the only path that she wants to follow.
Just as there is a special intimacy to cunnilingus there is an equally arousing closeness to having me masturbate her. With my hand in her pussy and our eyes locked in each others gaze as my fingers work their magic is in and of itself truly magical.
When J is in the mood I can pleasure her for quite a while as long as I don’t overdo her clit. Clit massage will also extend our love making and transform it into a complex erotic activity as I stroke and tease her to warm her up and build her arousal in a way that engages our minds and her sex organs. I can ease her to some intense orgasms over and over again without ever breaking a sweat. To do this I had to learn how to use my hands and fingers to dance on her lips, her opening and her clit. Mastering the art of fingering her was one of the greatest sexual skills I learned.
Although oral sex can be extremely pleasurable on its own, combining oral and fingering offers her variety and avoids making her numb with the repetitive rubbing that can result if I focus on it too much. Unlike our cocks, a girls clit can check out if push it too hard.
To ensure that you give your lady the most powerful and satisfying orgasms, you first need to get her fully aroused and turned on by providing adequate foreplay. In several entries on the blog last year I mention the importance of stimulating her brain before you touch her pussy. I cannot overstate this enough. This is important because when she is highly aroused and horny she will be far more receptive to any other stimulation that you give her.
Before I touch J’s clitoris, I gently massage her vaginal opening with the tips of my fingers and I will gently slide them directly upward along and between the inner labia of her vagina until I reach her pearl. I have referred to it numerous times in this blog as a pearl, not only because of its shape, but because it is like a hidden treasure, and like a real pleasure its beauty is revealed only after you invest time in pursuing it.
J's inner lips are one of my favorite parts of her pussy. They are smooth and soft and silken. I will often suck on them to moisten them before I touch them, if they aren't already wet with her arousal. I will spread her lips apart with my fingers while keeping my middle finger directly over her clitoris.
Once in this position, I begin making gentle circular strokes on and around the surface of her clitoris using my middle finger. I never pull back the hood, instead I let the pleasure she is feeling coax her button to emerge on its own as her hood retracts. For added pleasure, I will move my fingers down into the mouth of her vagina and then gently stroke upward until I reach the underside of her glans. This not only feels great for her but it also allows me to pick up some of her natural lube; at this point there is usually plenty available. As J’s clitoris becomes more stimulated and aroused it becomes rock hard and fully engorged until it swells to its maximum size.
One of the things that I do to J when her clit is totally engorged and exposed that launches her into an explosive orgasm is sucking on her clit as her orgasm is imminent. I wrap my lips around her glans and suck her entire clit into my mouth; I then massage the underside with the flat of my tongue and suckle her clit like it is a nipple. Doing this as I insert a finger and stroke her G spot is a sure fire way to send her into paroxysms of ecstasy.
The process that I describe above is what works for us; it is resultant of years of trial and error and the experience of much pleasure. But each woman is different and each woman’s clit is different and every wonderful ladies path to her pleasure is different. You will be her hero if you learn to walk that path with her.
I must mention clitoral sensitivity and the possible need for additional lubrication. The sensitivity of a lady’s clit varies. I know J’s like the back of my hand, this is where years of experience on the same woman is hugely beneficial. I don’t have to guess. . . I know.
Many women will experience pain if their clitoris is touched directly, others do not find their clitoris sensitive to touch at all. Others may require a very light touch in the beginning but need a firmer touch the closer they are to reaching orgasm. It is best to start out with a very light touch then slowly increase the amount of pressure as you see her become more aroused. Watch her body movements and listen to the noises she makes to see if you are applying too much pressure or not enough. Be careful, you almost never want to squeeze the clitoris tightly, perhaps firmly, but almost never aggressively. A few women may enjoy a firm squeeze at the point of orgasm, but talk to her about this before actually trying it. She will either see stars, or smack you across the head. Ticklishness can be an indication of nervousness or too light of a touch; have her breath deeply and relax. Depending on the sensitivity of your partner's clitoris and the amount of natural lubrication she produces, you may need to apply additional lubrication before beginning the massage. Try it without at first, but if she pulls away or reports she is too sensitive, or feels nothing, apply a generous coating of lubrication to her entire vulva. Use water-based lubricants like K-Y Jelly. (Use of petroleum-based lubricants can result in infection.).
When you first try clitoral massage have additional lubrication on hand just in case. You will almost never want to touch her clitoral glans directly without your finger(s) being really well lubricated, but this may not be a part of the massage in any event.
You may also want to consider wearing latex or vinyl gloves. They will make your fingers very slick, which will come in handy if her clitoris is extremely sensitive, or if you have rough skin on your fingers. They also come in handy if you insert your finger(s) into her vagina during the massage, fingernails can scratch her vaginal walls. I find that using gloves is not only more comfortable and stimulating for her but it is sexy as well.
Always maintain visual and physical contact with her once you begin, look into her eyes and keep your hands on her. J is very expressive but she sometimes has a hard time verbalizing it. I can see pleasure grow in her eyes as her arousal builds. Beyond eye contact, maintain physical contact with her. It is very annoying and disruptive of the physical bond that develops if you take both hands off her body at the same time. With practice you may become aware of the sexual energy that flows between you and your partner. It may sound strange, but it is true. Have everything you need within reach of your free hand. It is also a good idea to touch her knee, then slide your hand up to her inner thigh, then finally her up to her vulva, so as not to penetrate her personal space too quickly. Placing your cold hands directly on her vulva may be a shock and ruin the mood. Warm, in a bowl of warm water, any lubricant you may use prior to applying them to her vulva.
I always massage her clitoris using one or two fingers. The size and prominence of your lady's clitoris will determine how many fingers you use. If you are able to locate and feel her clitoral shaft with your fingers, you will use your thumb and index finger. If she has a well-developed clitoris you may want to use your thumb, your index finger, and the finger next to that. If you cannot grasp the shaft and glans of her clitoris because it is small or hidden, you will use just the tip of your index finger, or perhaps your thumb.
If you can grasp her clitoris with two or three fingers you will want to do the following. Very gently grasp the shaft of her clitoris with your thumb and index finger. Gently slide the loose tissue covering her clitoris around, primarily back and forth, getting a feel for its shape and firmness. Determine how much the tissue along her shaft slides around. You do not want to grasp the glans at first if possible; if her clitoris is small you will not be able to avoid it. As you slide your fingers back and forth along her shaft, the hood should also be sliding back and forth, stimulating her glans. Go slow and look into her eyes for indications of whether or not she is enjoying what you are doing. Try to maintain eye contact with her if possible, or as much as possible. If you cannot tell by body language, then ask her if what you are doing feels good. Ask her whether you should be going slower or faster, or applying a firmer or lighter touch. After you make the suggested change, ask again. If she does not know, just experiment but keep communicating.
If you cannot grasp her clitoris, you will want to place the tip of your index finger on top of her clitoral body or hood. Experimentation will indicate which is most sensitive. You will want to gently move the tissue under your finger around in small circles, or back and forth to stimulate her clitoris. Hopefully you will feel the firm structures of her clitoris under your fingertip, when she is aroused and erect, even if her clitoris is really small and hidden.
Continue to stroke her clitoris. If she is enjoying what you are doing just continue in a steady rhythm. As she becomes more and more aroused you may want to slowly and gently increase the amount of pressure you are applying, but always be gentle. The speed of your strokes can vary to, very slow in the beginning, then possibly faster as she nears orgasm. Your fingers should always be grasping the loose skin covering the body of her clitoris, causing it to slide back and forth along the shaft. Continue until she reaches orgasm. As soon as she has an orgasm, switch to a very very light stroke, as her clitoris is likely to be very sensitive, or move your fingers to her labia. After a couple minutes you can begin again or stop. Never stop the massage abruptly unless she reports she is too sensitive to touch, in which case caress her vulva or inner labia for few minutes. Maintain physical contact as she comes down from her orgasm.
She may experience orgasm quickly and easily, but this may not always be the case. It will take practice and time for you both to get comfortable with having you do a hand job on her; if you are new lovers she may also be nervous. You will want to limit the massage to 15-20 minutes if she does not experience orgasm initially. Make her feel good, but do not irritate her clitoris or show frustration if you don’t get fireworks immediately. You both need to be relaxed. If your partner is really enjoying herself but does not experience orgasm within 15-20 minutes, you can continue the massage for another 10-25 minutes, as long as you are both comfortable with it. Be careful not to make this a tedious act, if either of you become uncomfortable or frustrated it will ruin the moment and the sexual bond necessary for it to be a pleasant experience for both of you. If she does not experience orgasm and is very aroused, switch to a sexual activity that you know will result in orgasm. If she is only able experience orgasm while masturbating, allow her to do so, even if you must leave the room. If she is happy to just cuddle, that is okay too.
During the massage it may be necessary for her to fantasize about something sexual. It may be best if she does not think about the massage itself. If she does find that she needs to fantasize, she should try to have the same fantasy as when masturbating alone. She will probably need to close her eyes so you are not a distraction. This will be easier to do if the massage feels pleasurable,
Depending on the sensitivity of her clitoral glans you may want to stimulate it directly, or indirectly through the hood. If her hood covers her glans, you can gently grasp the glans through her hood with your thumb and index finger. There are women who have a clitoral glans that is always fully or partial exposed. Depending on its sensitivity, you may be able to apply the tip of your finger directly to the glans, sliding it across the surface, using a very light touch and lots of lubrication. If a woman's hood does not cover her glans, massaging the body of her clitoris by grasping the loose tissue there may not provide sufficient stimulation to the glans; in this case try direct stimulation. Some women cannot retract their hood to expose the glans, but if you place your finger at the opening to her hood and massage her clitoral glans, she may experience greater stimulation.
You can provide a vaginal massage while you are giving a clitoral massage. While one hand stimulates her clitoris, the other can be used to stimulate your lady’s vagina. By inserting your finger into her vagina, and stimulating the top of her vaginal wall, pointing your finger toward her pubic bone, you can stimulate her G spot. The finger movement for G-Spot stimulation is the same as that when indicating to a person that is across the room that you want them to come to you, the palm of your hand facing up, creating a hook with your index finger. This can produce very strong orgasms and pronounced ejaculations of fluid from the urethra. You can explore the vagina and locate areas that are sensitive to digital stimulation, or she may simply enjoy the feeling of something being in her vagina, not moving at all, or very slowly. Caress the vaginal walls; do not just thrust your fingers in and out. You can insert more than one finger depending on her flexibility and desire to be filled. You can employ the use of dildos of different sizes and shapes.
You can also incorporate anal massage. Initially this entails massaging the outside of the anus, no penetration. There are women who are more responsive to anal massage than vaginal massage, or they find the combination to be very intense and enjoyable. After massaging her anus for several minutes you can insert the tip of one finger, moving it slowly in and out. After her anus relaxes you can insert your entire finger, then more fingers if she so desires. A finger used to stimulate her anus should never be used to stimulate her vulva and vagina afterwards because of bacteria present in her rectum. The use of vinyl or latex gloves will allow you to switch back and forth, as long as you change the glove before switching from anus to vulva. Once her anus relaxes, you can insert a butt plug or a dildo with a flared base.
The two things that can get J to writhe are stroking her G spot and massaging the anal opening as I massage her clit. She is not big on having a finger inside her asshole but she loves to have the sensitive skin at the opening teased with a well lubed finger as I massage her clit.
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