I feel like writing a blog entry about sex/sexy things, as per this site's MO. But I haven't written in so long it feels kind of strange so for now I'll just ramble on and on about crap you probably don't care about. I'm 23 at the time of writing this, living in rural Maine and it kind of sucks a lot. I had one girlfriend in high school when I was a freshman for a year, and I kind of lived with that shadow for the next five years. She was fairly crazy. She would break up with me every few months because she was unsure of herself, and every time I took her back until the last, when I couldn't deal with that any more. We dated for a year, and we never had sex, which isn't really important and not something I was worried about at all at the time (weird, I know, a teenager not obsessed with getting into peoples' pants). We tried to be friends for the next couple years, until she showed up at my house one time and started talking about her boyfriend and how he wasn't me... and how she would cut my name into her arm. You know, crazy shit. So after that I avoided her like the plague, but she didn't leave me alone for three more years, when I snapped on her. She started talking to me about how horrible my friends were (people I've known most of if not all of my life) and it is the only time I can remember ever being so angry I was literally shaking with rage. And I snapped. I feel lucky that she brought all this up online, because it limited my outlet to words, and even though I believe that I would never actually hurt anyone out of anger, I was so enraged I am glad that belief wasn't tested. Anyway, thankfully she stopped talking to me after that, and the first chapter of my love life came to a much belated close.
I met my second/most recent girlfriend online. I've read webcomics since high school, and I started reading a sexy Three's Company-esque comedy soon after it started in 2008. And since it had just started, I joined the forum, just to see what it was like. And I loved it. It turned into a really cool little community of people who grew to know and care about each other like a family. I clicked with one member from Australia really well, and she apparently had interest in me because she asked if I wanted to talk outside of the forum, you know, Facebok and IMs and all that. It was kind of a strange situation, because she had a boyfriend, but had been in open relationships before. And my belief is that a person has the choice to sleep with whoever they want, and even though I would be happy having one lover, I understand other people live differently than I do. So we talked for a few months and really, really hit it off, and she decided to talk to her boyfriend about what she was feeling and what she thought to do about it. He was reservedly okay with it, considering the kind of situation it is, you can't really expect much else from someone not used to it. So we started planning on visits and how we were going to make it work around the (extreme) distance. We had been talking through Skype and video chatting for months, and I had no doubt she was who she said she was (I mean, I'd seen her, talked to her, and I had experience with fakes before, including my first girlfriend trying to entrap me), so I had no reservations about any of it. I was still in college when we figured we were dating, but thinking of transferring because my school didn't treat me great (ended up pretty much screwing me out of an education), so that wasn't too much of an issue. We left any big plans out until each of us had visited the other, so we decided she would visit me first during the summer. We joked about what would happen. We fooled around on cam, mutual masturbation and teasing, and she would leave me pictures when I was working for to come home to, or call me as I was driving to work just to hear her bring herself to orgasm... we played like that, but I was still a virgin at 20, having very very little sexual experience at all before. I told her it could be a couple weeks before we actually had sex (at the most, of course), considering how avoidant I was of it, but I conceded that if she was persistent I probably wouldn't have the self control to or the want to not do other things within a day, like oral and such. We talked about this until she finally came to visit, and it turned out to be an amazing success. She stayed six weeks and we were like magnets. Personality, likes and everything that worked so well online were so much better in person. Her flight over was a bit of a nightmare, since she got stuck in DC for over 24 hours because of electrical storms. So though I planned on picking her up, I had to have someone else do it while I had work.
I remember everything about the first time I saw her. I got home from work (at a restaurant at the time). I walked in the door and my mother was at the dining room table. I asked her how the pickup went, and we talked for a little bit about the day and my gf's trip. I didn't want to seem too excited or eager that she was finally here in front of my mother, so I let the talk roll. Finally I went to change into clean clothes and went upstairs to the guest room.
She was sleeping, so I was as silent as I could be, not wanting to wake her up after such a long series of flights (should have been around 30 hours, but getting stuck in DC it was at least 40 from Sydney to Maine). I slowly creaked open the door, tiptoed in, and softly closed it behind me. She was sleeping on the bed across the room, I could only see half of her face in the light coming in through the window from the streetlamp on the corner. I knelt down beside the bed and looked at her for a moment before lightly brushing the fringe of her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. She didn't even stir. I softly kissed her forehead, near the temple, just a brush of the lips, doing my best to greet her without waking her up. She still didn't stir, so I stood back up and gently set myself on the bed, gingerly making my way behind her. I slipped under the blanket and set my cheek against the back of her neck while my hand found hers, and settled in against her. My heart was beating it's way out of my chest at the effort of trying not to wake her and just the jumble of emotions I was feeling at finally being with the person I had fallen in love with over half a year before.
I don't know what woke her, if I moved too sharply or made a noise, or if she could just feel my heart beating agaisnt my chest as it was set against her back... or if she had been awake and just waiting to see what I would do. However it was, she shifted until she was laying to face and could see me. It was such a surreal moment... the tips of our noses a hair's breadth apart, her hand in mine, my heart breaking out of my chest, and her eyes looking into mine, searching and studying in our first moments. And... I kissed her. It was just a small movement, I just had to slide my cheek across an inch of pillow until our lips met, but the feeling... There were no nerves, no hesitations, I had no questions or reservations about the person in front of me. But our lips met and it was amazing. It was our first kiss, and it only lasted moments, and a year. The energy of 7 months not knowing what we were going to do but be in love, all released like a static spark in the moment of a kiss. Even though she was older and much more experienced than I was, it was her hand tightening in mine. I couldn't feel anything past the soft skin of her lips and her slowly exhaled breath, as if it had been held for some moments before, tickling mine. All I could feel was the light pressure slowly fading as we parted, to be replaced by a presence I can't really define. I think she didn't know how I would react to her, to how I would find her, in person as opposed as a distant love. And that I didn't hesitate, didn't even say a word before showing my want for her, released a doubt she felt more completely than anything else could have. We kissed and held each other, not even thinking about anything further at this point, though our kisses were becoming more playful and pointed. I wrapped her in my arms and rolled her atop of me, enjoying the feel of her weight on me, the press of her body against mine as I continued to kiss her, nibbling and nipping at her lip.
She could feel my excitement. No matter what we had teased or said before it was very obvious how we were feeling, and how I was reacting to her. Still kissing me, and me being fairly oblivious to anything else except her lips, I didn't sense her reaching down to feel the bulge grown down the inside of my thigh until her hand was there, sliding across my jeans, tickling me through the fabric. When she felt me notice, felt the slight hesitation in my kiss or the catch in my breath, she pulled her lips away, tilting her head back to look at me, asking me what I wanted to do, how far I wanted to go, without saying a word. As much as I wanted her, to feel her and experience her, to share that moment that to my young idealistic mind epitomised trust and love... I knew I wasn't ready. I had no doubts about her, or us, but I did have doubts about myself, and what it meant if I gave in to how I felt at that moment, so soon. I had to find my breath, and my voice, before I told her. I wasn't ready for sex. It was one of the hardest things I've ever brought myself to say.
I don't know if she was surprised, because if she was she hid it well. I believe she understood, she gave a nod and kissed me again. But she stopped after the one kiss, and only took her hand off of me to pull her shirt off and unclasp her bra, letting them fall and brushing them off the bed. She pulled my shirt off as well, tossing that aside, before settling atop me again, feeling our skin pressed together and kissing me again, much more eagerly. I ran my hands along her back and sides, soaking in the feel of her skin under my fingers, gripping tight against her shoulders to pull her tighter against me. She lifted herself slightly, just enough so we weren't pressed together, and only her breasts were still touching my skin. She looked into my eyes as she slowly crept back, caressing my chest and abdomen with her breasts, a feather touch that I couldn't surpress a shiver to. She looked into my eyes as she started to undo my jeans, button and the slow drag of the zipper. She took them and my underwear into grip and slid them slowly off until my cock flicked free, slapping hard against my belly from the strain against the jeans before settling at attention, the head slick from precum. She quickly pulled my pants the rest of the way off and spread my legs, settling herself between them. She caressed the insides of my thighs, my waist, my abs, everything surrounding but not close to my erection, both of us savoring the anticipation, her naked to the waist and working her hands over my body, me naked in truth, and shivering with tension and suspense.
Finally she slid her open palm up the shaft of my cock, not closing her hand around it, and sliding the tip of one finger over the slick head. She move up my body, her breasts tickling my inner thighs as she reach her finger to my mouth, letting me taste myself. I held her hand in mine as I sucked on her finger, runing my tongue over the fingertip, my eyes closed... and I felt a slick warmth as she took me into her mouth all at once, feeling her warm breath and the head against her throat before she closed her lips around the shaft. I gasped, not being able to help it, or being able to help raising my hips, pushing myself deeper down her throat. She took her finger back out of my mouth, and gripped my ass as it was lifted off the bed, digging her fingers into the flesh as she breathed deeply through her nose, not pulling me out of her mouth for a long, overwhelming moment. After a blissful eternity she slowly pulled my body back down to the bed, not sliding her mouth from my cock but having me slide my cock from her mouth inch by tantalizing inch. When at last the head was all that was wrapped in her lips, she sucked gently before removing her lips. She crept back up my body, again teasing my skin with her breasts, especially over my groin, my cock slipping between them, throbbing at each gentle caress of the soft skin until they were passed. I took her head in my hands and pulled her to my lips, tasting myself on her tongue as she stroked me with a free hand.
Breathing heavily as we parted again, my chest heaving as she looked at me, she knew I wouldn't say no to her for this as she moved to take me into her mouth again, this time slower, more methodical. Licking the shaft, or stroking it while she sucked and licked a nut before taking me in again, she soon had me to the edge of orgasm. But she played me out, letting off when there was a surge or if my moans hit a certain pitch, concentrating on the shaft and handling my sack with gentle fingers until the moment passed before teasing the head or taking me deep again. I ran my hands across her shoulders, or groped her breasts, or gripped her hair tightly between my fingers while she played, until I couldn't hold the orgasm back, no matter how I tried. I lifted her head and looked into her eyes with my cock half deep in her as I told her I was close, and she just stared back as she took me all the way and murmured a soft "mhm", sending vibrations running all over my skin. I repeated that I was close a couple times as she quickly took me deep again and again, and when I said I was cumming and my groin thrust itself off the bed, she held her lips to the base and moaned with me as I throbbed and pumped hot cum. As my orgasm subsided and I settled against the bed again, she ever so slowly lifted her lips up my shaft, working it with one hand, working each drop out as she sucked whatever cum was left out and off of me. When she was finished, she looked at me and swallowed, breath deep and hot against my still throbbing cock. She let it go and slid up my body to kiss me deeply, passionately, thrusting her tongue to my throat and making sure I tasted myself with her.
As she settled against me, resting her head on my chest, I offered to return the favor, but she refused, saying this night was for me, and she would get her turn soon enough. Instead she pulled the blanket back over us, neither of us bothering to dress, and just quietly laid against me, head on my chest, hands playing with my chest hair as I caressed hershoulder and arm, or running my fingers through her hair. Neither of us spoke for a while, and I thought she might have fallen asleep because I couldn't see her face, but she spoke. She thanked me for coming to bed, for not hesitating when I saw her and laid with her, for not questioning before I kissed her. For being so sure. I just looked at her until she lifted her face to look back at me, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. We smiled at each other and she snuggled against my chest, draping her arm around me. I kissed the top of her head and settled against her. She fell asleep long before I did (it takes me ages to fall asleep on a normal night), and I didn't mind just staying awake, thinking about how my day turned into my night, what I had hoped or expected in the time leading up to this moment and how it didn't hold a candle to the actuality. I thought about what I might expect in the next 6 weeks, how we connected so completely this first night and how much we might grow from there. Thinking about these things until finally my eyelids drooped and, brushing one more kiss against her hair, I fell asleep too.