I had a very short break between HS and college, only 4 weeks. I moved to a "college town" suburb with my GF Melissa,
we lived together for most of the following year. We had sex often, but it was different. I began to use toys anally in secret,
I accidentally left one out after a play session, she saw it and asked if I was "gay"? I said "No" but I dont think she
ever felt the same about me after that. She became more distant after that, started to "hang out" with another Guy in
our appartment complex. I never really knew if she was cheating on me, but I suspected it.
My car broke down and school was 5 miles away, so I was staying with some friends from school who only lived about a half mile away.
I was working across the street at a little Mom & Pop restaurant from their appartment, so it seemed like the perfect thing to do. Since
I couldn't afford to fix my car, I basically moved out but was still paying rent to "keep my stuff there". Melissa and I drifted apart with the distance.
The friends I was staying with were mostly male, at one point there was 7 of us (2F 5M) living in a 1 bedroom appartment. I had the "pleasure"
of sleeping in the bathtub, as the 2 beds, 2 couches, and lazyboy were all spoken for. The shower curtain wasn't exactly see-thru, but
didnt leave much to the imagination. It was an unspoken rule that I couldn't lock the bathroom door while I was sleeping incase
one of the girls needed to used the facilities during the night, us guys didnt mind pissing in a bottle or kitchen sink if need be.
But, it seemed the certain roommates didn't mind if I "watched".
Nothing ever happend with any of those roomies, but I was struggling with my sexuallity in secret. Coincidentally one of the roomies Eli
was very open about what he had done, several "curious" adventures. It only served to set my already overactive imagination
Toward the end of art school, I had met my next GF Diane, she got me drunk and took advantage of me. She was a rather large girl, who I
wouldn't have normally have persued. She gave the best Blowjobs complete with a testicle massage, and she swallowed!
She even covinced me to allow her to give me a "snowball" or sloppy kiss afterward, which I enjoyed, admittedly.
She loved the cock (funny thing, she was a veggetarian, loved the bone!) and openly fantasized about seeing 2 guys together. She tried
to talk me into it, but at that time I was DEEP in denial about what I really wanted. I still played in secret with my anal toys.
Another missed opportunity..... Man I'm dense.
During our 3 year relationship, I became really close to my best friend from HS John. After Diane and I broke up I moved in with him.
We got closer and closer, he had a few GFs, I had got back together with Diane during that time. But John was always there for me, and I for him.
I had fallen in Love with my best friend. Problem was John was straight, and I was still in denial. The last year we lived together as roomies, was
torture, having him so close and not being able to admit I wanted to have him. Scared to tell him and he hate me for it. I had seen him go from
the shower to his room wrapped only in a towel from the waist down, many times. I tried not to stare but, he was hot. John was thin and tall, a
bit on the lanky side but muscular, had very little body hair. I on the other hand was always built like Gimli from Lord of the Rings, short and stocky,
and for lack of other description "furry".
An opportunity had come up to move to another state for work, one of those great opportunities. Well, Diane and I broke up over the deal.
John was convinced to move with me, his job was ok but wanted more. Life was good, 1000+ miles from anyone who knew me, in an area
that was accepting of the alternative life style, was going to start over. Then another friend decided to move with us, mixed blessing, he can
find work anywhere and made good money doing it. I had left a good job for greener pastures, I had several grand saved up for a cushion
while I looked for a job. John didnt't have much savings and used most of what he had moving. He had supported me in a slump in the past,
I was more than willing to help him now. But he left more than just a job behind, apparently there was a girl. A few months after moving
almost 1500 mi, he decided to "go home". I was crushed alone, and confused again.
In short order, my other friend introduced me to my Wife Trish. What a whirlwind those following weeks were. We went clubbing (she introduced
me to the BDSM scene), we talked for hours, problem there was she lived in an area that was long distance to call. I used alot of my savings
on Phone bills. After about 6 months we moved in together, sex was amazing (it still is when we get alone time), she was open to new ideas.
I eventually convinced her to use a strap-on to fuck my ass, I loved it! She seemed to enjoy the role reversal too!
Unfortunately this just furthered my confusion. So I did was I always do, suppress my true feelings.
Years later, John eventually moved back up here after it was apparent that things we not going to work between that girl and him. He was here
for about a year, we started to get close again, it was disruptive to my relationship with Trish, but we worked thru it. Then the unthinkable happened
just as I was going to tell John how I felt......He was Killed. He was having a relationship with a girl up here, when a stalker she had, tried to kill
her (was unsuccessfull, she played dead) and killed John, then the coward shot himself. Devastating!
Trish was there for me, thankfully. I have never said anything to her about why I took John's death so hard, I very recently figured out why.
He died and I never got to tell him "I love you".
We got married after a long 3 year engagement, a year after John was killed. We have thru the years been (mostly) open with each other
as to what we want out of sex, but we seemed to fall into a rut (vanilla) after about the 3-4 year mark. We made a concious decision to make
more time for each other and "bring kinky back". Sex was more exciting for a while, but then work, kids, life kept getting in the way.
We go thru "seasons" of fucking like rabbits to making love to the "dry" season. Probably normal for most married couples, but annoying.
Lately her drive seems to be stronger than mine, this might be due to me wanting to explore a mans body and not hers. Dont get me wrong
sex with her is still very enjoyable, I just want something different. I find myself masturbating after she goes to bed, watching shemale porn or
scenes with men and women with cum dripping out of their mouths or off their faces. She has expressed that she does NOT want a facial or even
take a "shot to the mouth". I have contructed a harness that fits the leg of our log bed that holds a dildo, so I can fuck myself anally. She doesn't fuck
me like she used to, at least as often as I "need" it. I want to build a fucking machine, so i can get that being fucked feeling instead of doing all the work.
Frustrated and wanting to suck/fuck a cock.