I left work at 9pm, walked to the supermaket in the warm summer night, did some shopping and set off home.
I was thinking this is a nice story for FB, saying I havejust had a delish 40 min warm shower, as that’s how long it takes me to walkhome from work in this wonderful tropical like downpour we are having, lovely!
But then I got to the golf course that my path cuts through.A raging torrent of water was running though it totally covering the path andgolf course. “This looks fun” I thought, and decided I could wade though it,keeping to the wire mesh fence as a guide. By the time the running water hadreached my waist, and the fence had been swept over I was thinking,” na, itsnight, I can’t see the path, there is no fence, even I’m not this stupid!” butI love proving myself wrong.
I turned back then started to walk the second shortest routehome over the freeway, into the dip in the rood next to the golf course) As Icrossed the freeway, lots of people had parked there looking at the waterflooding the freeway below. I carried walking on into the dip in the road,remembering that when it rained, the dip also gets flooded, and sure enough ithad. I stood looking at the even worse raging torrent of water flooding acrossthe road from the golf course into the park opposite. Big 4 wheel drives wereturning round rather than try driving it. This is where I proved I am stupiderthat I thought. I decide I could wade though that to. This time my guide wasjust a knee high horizontal fence of a metal pole between wooden posts every 12feet.
So shuffling along with short steps I went for it. By thetime it had reach my chest I was almost at the half way point, wheelie bins andbranches rushing past. Then yup, the inevitable happened. Just as I was aboutto reach a telegraph pole to grab, I was swept over.(but I’d done well so far I thought!) I was swept to the kneehigh fence pole and under it, my backpack of groceries jamming me there. Aftertwo lungful of rancid water I managed to get my head above the water andgrabbed some air. I’ve heard the phrase “hanging on for grim death” but never thoughI would ever use it in reality. There was no way I could pull myself up fromthere. For two seconds that seemed a lifetime I seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLYthough “fuck it why not let go? Let the river take me, or let me drowned jammedunder here. Who will care, really care if I‘m gone? And with all the crap I’mgoing though in my life at the moment, it will be a relief” Just letting go ofthe horizontal pole would have been so, so easy. Why I didn’t I still don’tknow, but I didn’t. I realised the only way out would be to get swept under thepole. And grab it from the other side, hopefully before getting swept away. IfI had not been laid up ill over xmas (it was Feb now) and lost 2 stone inweight I would not have had a choice; the extra weight would have meant I wouldhave been jammed solid. I took a breath and kicked myself under the pole, andmanaged to grab it with one hand from the other side and hung on gasping forbreath. Getting my second hand on it I dragged myself to my knees and straddledthe pole, learning to breathe air again. I clung there for 5 minutes gettingmyself together, with the water raging round me trying to drag me back inagain. I reach up to adjust my specs and found they were not on my face, andactually looked into the flowing river of water looking for them! Eventually I dragged myself back along thepoles to the edge of the water the way I had come until I could stand again. Ithen walked the third shortest way home in the rain. When I got home I strippedthe sopping cloths from my body, and could see the massive red marks on mybody, arms and chest from being jammedunder the pole that are gonna turn into wonderful bruises. And the aching hasstarted. I’m gonna hurt so much tomorrow. So here I am, blind, bruised, broke, bereft of female company, soggymobile phone, and about to be made homeless. But sod it, alive.
Right now I’m feeling quite Elvis and could really, reallyuse a hug, but will have to make do with getting drunk. Yea I’m stupid I know.