I invite a friend of mine who has helped me out so much over the last couple of weeks out to dinner. But this also means he would be staying the night, due to the busses not running in his area. But he'd be riding the bus back to school with me the next morning so it wasn't a big deal. Now, originally I was going to get the new Skylanders 2 game. Get the full starter kit so I can get three pretty's and a new portal[not that I need a new portal, but I wanted all three pretties]. BUT. Because I wanted to thank my friend for his help, I told my fiance that I would use the money I was going to use for my game, to get my friend dinner. The day got moved up to the same day because some things happened, and he's one of these big tough dudes, and he broke out crying on my shoulder due to some drama that's been going around school. I called my fiance first to see if he was ok with having him down that day. Said that he was perfectly fine with it. So, we meet up with the kids and my fiance at work, pick up some things. Pop to another store to grab an outfit for my friend so he had something to wear the next day to school. Then we took the kids to my fiance's parents, and the three of us went to dinner. I told him he could order whatever he wanted. He orders a steak, which fine whatever. I don't care. I also told my fiance that he was the one with the money technically so the call for price limits was his. He said nothing.
We all come back home, fiance goes to the bedroom to play his new game, and I stay out here with my friend. We cuddle for a bit since I've been feeling upset over a bunch of drama I got myself mixed up with at school. And we kept an eye on the election stuff. Eventually, I go to bed. Then I get up for work. Go to work. And he meets up with me at the mall and we catch the bus. Everything seemed fine and dandy with my fiance when he took me to work this morning.
BUT. I get home tonight, and he bitches at me about how I spent almost $100 on my friend[actually more like $85 which is just a bit more than my game]. And how I never spend that much on him[he never wants me to no matter how hard I've tried to in past years]. And he won't freaking tell me all of what is wrong. Just that I don't see it, and that he doesn't think that I actually love him anymore.
I do love him though! I'm just...I'm so tired of laying down, rolling over, and giving into everything just to stop the fights and the arguing. Hell, we hardly have sex anymore and this was before we even had an open relationship. He doesn't ever want to spend time with me anymore. Everything that goes wrong is almost always my fault. The past few months he hasn't even really seemed to want to even sleep with me in bed. Hell, he doesn't even just simply hold my hand anymore. I just don't know anymore. And he won't talk to me. Anytime he seems to be upset he makes me try to guess what the hell is wrong or expects me to magically know what is wrong without him having ever given any sign that he was mad/upset with something before. Or he just stops talking. I love him, I do...but I'm so tired of feeling alone and wondering if he still even loves me.
And after some things that my friend and I talked about today...I'm beginning to fall for him. He's been there for me these past few weeks with all this drama, he cares, and he doesn't make me feel like I'm alone.
I just...I don't know anymore. I love my fiance. I do. But...I don't know if he even wants to be with me anymore. Or maybe we're both trying to make something work...because we have our two kids and don't want to disappoint them. I don't know.
2 Comments On This Entry
- Ayna18848 on Rant. Rant. Rant. I Need To Rant.
- Lilbiguy on Rant. Rant. Rant. I Need To Rant.
- hornytom on Losing Interest
- Fiver on My weekend trip
- Massage021 on Almost the New Year! Some of my goals, what are yours?
- Massage021 on Two Weeks Away! Ahhh!
- B1LLY on I'm Aliiiiiiiive! ...Barely
- B1LLY on I'm Aliiiiiiiive! ...Barely
- Ayna18848 on I'm Aliiiiiiiive! ...Barely
- SirFoggy on I'm Aliiiiiiiive! ...Barely