I recently took two years off from the relationship thing. I was tired of making bad choices and thought if I did a little soul searching and really thought about who I am, and what I have to offer a woman, that maybe I would be in a better position to do so. I also thought that if a miracle was to happen, maybe that right someone would come along. Truth is I think just the opposite happened. I know who I am, I know I could love a woman with all my heart. But I also found that there are times where I try to force the issue. I have to do frequent reality checks to keep from coming on too strong. I have to stop concentrating on not wanting to be alone. I have to pick myself up at times and push myself out into the real world. I have always been a firm believer that you have to love yourself and be confident with who you are to make someone else happy. I finally got to the point where I am almost happy being alone. I still want and miss having someone in my life, but I really don't care anymore on whether or not that someone comes along, to some degree. I've adjusted to sleeping alone. I rationalze things when I go out and realize that I am not spending my savings on taking a girl out to waste my money on entertaining her. Now if it were taking a girl out that I was in a relationship with, I would not concider that wasting my money. I look at that as a price you choose to pay in order to keep the relationship fulfilled, creating memories, sharing quality time. The same could be said for dating, but it lacks emotional attachment. I have thought about reverting back, finding a girl who wants to go out and seeing if we could make it work. But I remain torn about that. I was trying a relationship with a girl I met from Canada. I spent $300 in the first month on phone bills. The trip I made to spend our first weekend meeting each other cost me over $400 just for a room, dinner, drinks, etc. I wasn't even sure I'd like her. As it was, we never seen each other again. So I spent $700 that month just seeing if I liked a girl. I am not frugal, and I am also not materialistic. I have many bills, as we all do, that I have an obligation too. I'm sorry for sounding cheap, but I cannot afford that lifestyle. So I guess I'll just leave that door open, and hope that the rain doesn't come in. This was just me ranting and thinking on my keyboard. Maybe someone sees where my train of thought needs to be, and that I am too focused on things I shouldn't be.