I had lots of options on AshleyMadison: one of the bonuses of being a female sex addict. Male sex addicts ...not so lucky. Once I found four I liked, I canceled my account. They generously offered to "permanently delete" my account for only $20. I laughed. They didn't miss an opportunity to make money. I know they were charging the guys an arm and a leg for each communication with another member.
After canceling the account I stopped conversing with one of the men. As much as I was interested I just didn't have the time for four and there was no point in leading him along. That left three. At this time I had a new baby. I breastfeed and my husband doesn't like to watch a baby, so getting out alone is nearly impossible. In retrospect I was an idiot for doing this at this time in my life. But the heart wants what the heart wants.
I intended on getting to know them and then decide who my favorite was. Unfortunately, like in real life I suppose, they all thought they were my only. I felt bad but then I thought, "I should probably feel more guilty about cheating on my husband than cheating on these guys." One of the drawbacks to this scenario was that I couldn't keep straight who I'd told what. So I was constantly saying things like: "I probably told you this story before" or "Did I already tell you this?"
I met Alan at the same coffee shop that I met Rick at. In fact, he kind had the same reaction. The whole, blown away, "you're even prettier than the pictures"-thing. Maybe that place is my lucky charm. I should meet all my guys there. We had good conversation - even delving into politics and coming out unscathed. I once dumped a Craigslist guy before we jumped in the sack over politics. Why are all the guys I date conservatives?! The only thing that bothered me is he looked a little bit gay. I think this is because he resembled a gay friend. I told myself, if he really were gay he would have affairs with men, not women.
I ranked the three men and Alan was #1. I made a tactical error with him though... getting too close with no way of seeing him - with the baby and all. We began texting ALL the time. One time I was eating dinner with my family and my in-laws when he texted! And I forgot to turn the sound off! I looked at it and deleted it. My sister in law joked that I was texting my boy friend. Everyone had a good laugh over that one. If they only knew! I ended up seeing him one other time but his frustration grew. After a canceled meeting he just stopped texting. In fact, mine wouldn't even go through. How does that work?! A few days later I emailed him and just said that I understood and "I would have done the same a long time ago if I were you." He responded and that was it for us. I was sad. The way he ended it was very strange to me though. To go from thirty or forty texts a day and then suddenly nothing.
My # 2 pick was Jason. We met at a parking lot. We made out in his car. He was black. And big like Conner. A sensible family man. I knew not to make the same mistake with him that I made with Alan. So I kept the email exchanges to a minimum. That way any sex we had was a bonus. There wasn't this building expectation. The problem I had with my men was that they, too, were all married so Saturday was generally a family day for them. On the other hand, Saturdays worked best for me. Jason and I did manage to meet once at a hotel though. We had hot sex with the shades closed. There was full length mirror next to the bed. When we looked at ourselves fucking it was erotic. The hottest part, to me, was the contrast in skin tone. It's too bad that moment had to be marred by my critical scrutiny of my own body. He taught me a new position. Or method. However you want to categorize it. When I'm on top I get on my feet instead of my knees. Like a deep squat. I last all of ten seconds doing that, before my thighs give out. Just kidding. Twenty. Ha ha. Still, it's new and fun. He was really nice and it's a shame he lived kind of far and we could never coordinate our schedules. We emailed off and on for two years and just recently he stopped, even though he's shown interest in getting together all the way up to the last email. It kills me when they just drop off the face of the earth. Another man did that to me once and two months later he emailed and said he had to take a break from the Internet for his wife. In my head I'm like, "ohhhkaaaaay. You couldn't shoot me one more email to warn me??"
So with #1 gone and #2 by the wayside, that left #3. He would later become one of my favorites of all time. (Even though in the end he was a jerk). I guess you can't judge a book by its cover. That's the difficult thing about casual sex: partners are chosen primarily based on looks. And in the end, looks aren't the greatest indicators of a good lover. (Not that he was ugly. I just didn't feel chemistry at the beginning.) His name was Brian. My dear Brian. Our first meeting was absolutely ridiculous. I am incredibly lucky that he agreed to see me again after that. I'm almost embarrassed to write this, which is saying a lot considering I previously admitted to an enema gone wrong. So I meet him at a book store WITH MY BABY. (It gets worse). My baby cries there so we leave. We walk around outside to calm my baby with the fresh air. We decide to walk over to Crate and Barrel. We go in. I'm admiring all of the home goods. He's probably bored. Then my baby, who was suffering from severe allergies broke out in hives from the perfume in the air. So once again we go for a walk outside. We get in his car and chat some more. I talk about maybe us going together to Joanne Fabrics because there was something I wanted to buy there. In the end we decided not to. I gave him a kiss goodbye. It was the most unromantic, inappropriate NSA meeting EVER. The only good that came out of it was it made a great private joke from there on out. All we'd have to do is say Joanne Fabrics and we'd be shaking our heads in disbelief and laughing.
We met again two weeks later for sex at his house. Once again, I brought the baby! (Why did he keep me?!) We screwed on the living room couch which wasn't entirely comfortable, but I totally understood not wanting to bring me into the proverbial marriage bed. He had an open marriage but I didn't know that at the time and I was FREAKED out that she might come home. So I was on edge the whole time. We were in the living room with uncovered windows everywhere. Even though it was somewhat of a rural area I was uncomfortable with the exhibitionism. I don't know if he was just used to the open windows/comfortable with it or if he liked the idea of someone seeing us. My baby cried and needed attention. It interrupted us enough that poor Brian couldn't finish. It was exactly like sex with my husband! Always getting interrupted by the kids. And it probably was the same for him too because he has a baby the same age! This totally defeated the point of a hot and steamy affair!
All of a sudden we hear a car pull into the driveway! Brian jumps up and looks out the window. It's his brother! We are both naked!! We both scramble to get dressed. He only has time to get his pants on so he greets his brother at the door oddly, with his naked hairy chest. I, meanwhile, can't even get half dressed because I'm on the couch curled in a ball, holding my baby, terrified that he'll see me. I could stay still to keep the baby quiet or I could try to wiggle my clothes on so that I won't be naked when I am discovered. I make the wrong decision and try to wriggle on my pants. The baby makes noise! Brian tells his brother that he's got the baby while his wife is out and he somewhat rudely kicks his brother out. Crisis everted. As much as I was terrified and hated it, afterwards, for quite some time, I relished the memory. Adrenaline and excitement are definitely a big part of this addiction.
Our relationship flourished after that. (Until he dumped my ass. See post #1).We went on many romantic dates for lunch at restaurants. (He always paid). It crossed my mind that my relationship with my husband would be better if I dated him half as much. I never brought the baby again. We went to a hotel room and had great sex which involved a little bit of me being tied up and blindfolded. And once we had the wildest spanking session ever. A story that deserves a post of its own.