Just to make it clear I am NOT the author of what's below. Got it from someone, stumbled upon it somewhere ... I really don't remember. Credit goes to whoever wrote this.
New To Swinging: 5 Tips For Couples Dating
Here’s one analogy that you never saw on your SAT’s, but is a vital one to understanding your role in the lifestyle: swinging in a relationship is like the wind to a fire. If the fire is strong, swinging will be the wind that breathes more life into your fire, making it burn brightly. If your fire is weak, that same wind will eventually extinguish the flames.
Want to try couples dating? Here are some tips to help you and your spouse handle the transition and keep your fire burning strong.
The lifestyle is no place for issues. The only type of issues allowed here are the Freudian types
Couples dating isn’t your everyday decision. In order to branch out and share yourselves with others, your own relationship needs to be examined before adding a new dynamic. If you are new to the swinging lifestyle and unsure of where to start, this is the time to look inside the dynamics of your relationship with your mate and determine: Do we have the essential elements needed to make an open relationship viable? This is not a time to rationalize weaknesses by saying that they aren’t important or that they will hold up to any challenges swinging will offer. This is a time to be brutally honest and determine, above all else, if your relationship will be sturdy enough to handle any encumbrance that is presented when you and your partner partake in an open relationship. If you both feel that you have issues to address, work on those first. The lifestyle will always be available to you once you decide that you are ready.
Communicate with each other
Your best bet is to sit down with each other and have an open dialogue about your feelings, boundaries and worries. You would be demeaning the value of your bond with your significant other if you were to venture into this lifestyle with the goal of sleeping with others above the fate of your relationship. If this is the case, you will quickly find that your misplaced priorities will eclipse the strength of your bond, therefore placing your entire foundation in peril. That is why it is best to communicate with your partner thoroughly about your rules and comfort levels before you even entertain the possibility of swinging.
It takes trust, mutual respect, and communication to be involved in our swinging. That is why it is best to communicate with your partner thoroughly about your rules and comfort levels before you even entertain the possibility of swinging.
Place yourselves in certain situations and try to answer hypothetical questions
Honest role-play is a great way to determine how you will both react when presented with certain scenarios. Place yourselves in certain situations and try to answer hypothetical questions. If you are the woman, how will you feel if your mate hits on another woman at a lifestyle event? If you are the man, how would you react if another man was getting friendly with your wife, with the intention of taking things further? Would you be able to handle seeing your partner engage in things normally reserved for behind closed doors?
These questions are perhaps the toughest prerequisite to entering the swinging lifestyle. However, many successful swingers say that they are absolutely essential and must be answered honestly. If you choose not to do this before testing the waters, you and your partner may be faced with some surprising scenarios that you may not know how to handle properly.
Gather information about couples dating
One of the best methods for garnering information about the lifestyle is by listening to those who are already experiencing the ride. Join a quality popular lifestyle website for a free trial and look through the swinger forums for advice and experiences. Check any available swinging advice sections, FAQ’s, and be sure to look at the lifestyle terms and definitions to get a grip on the lingo.
After you have gathered some information, you can decide whether you’re ready to take the plunge and hop on the swing.
Think of this as a fun new hobby. The swinging lifestyle should not be the main priority in your relationship. This is merely a fun new outlet to explore with each other. Enjoy the thrill of the hunt as a couple and remember that you’re in this together. This adventure should always be full of excitement for you both!
How Do I Get My Wife Or Girlfriend Interested In Swinging?
Many men who are interested in swinging seek advice for introducing their wives into the lifestyle. While swinging is a wonderful extracurricular activity, and the allure of multiple partners can be rather tempting, you must tread with caution.
Do not push your partner
This is a treacherous method of entering the lifestyle, knowing that your partner may not be up to it quite yet. Please do not push your partner into doing anything she is not comfortable doing. This will only cause problems in your relationship. If you wish to get her interested, sit down and talk to her about your desires. Show her a lifestyle website or a website of a local swing club. Explain to her that you can start on a couples dating site and see what happens. If she shows interest, great, but take it very slowly. You can't expect her to go from posting an ad to meeting a couple for full swap. Ask her if she would like to go to a club just to watch sometime, and take small steps from there accordingly.
Take It Slowly!
As excited as you may be about swinging, it is best to step back and ascertain the best way for you both to enter the lifestyle comfortably. Your partner may require extensive time and exposure to feel at ease with this idea. Remember that many people hold misconceptions about the lifestyle and may need this time and experience to help clear up misunderstandings.
If you both do consider taking it further than online exploration, try attending a pressure-free event, such as a meet and greet, and make it clear that neither one of you is expected to do anything at all. This way, your experience will be much less intimidating and she will be more inclined to explore further. If all goes well the first time then have her decide which event she might like to try the next time.
Try to dispel your partner’s preconceptions about swinging
Your partner may warm up to the lifestyle a bit more if she enjoys the parties and the company, realizing that the stereotypes surrounding the lifestyle are often contrived. Attending lifestyle events serves many purposes for first-timers, or those who are otherwise timid of the initial experience. As a rule, she will be able to see firsthand the wonderful people that are involved in this, and understand that lifestylers are not depraved sexual predators, nor are they devoid of morals or couth. Many who attend a lifestyle event may see that these are just regular people letting loose. Lifestylers are a microcosm of society, and come from all walks of life.
Do not expect your partner to anything with anybody, especially the first time out
If you both opt to venture out to a function for the first time, don’t expect your mate to do anything with anybody. Do not even allude to the possibility of such activity. This experience in and of itself will be enough of a sensory overload, without one’s partner expressing his desire for action. Simply allow her to take it all in, and then discuss her reactions later. If this is done the right way, she may want more. After all, this was the initial goal.
If your partner isn’t interested in couples dating, show respect for that choice
If your mate expresses that she is just not interested, leave it at that. Tell her that if she would like to entertain the possibility, she can bring it up when she's ready. Do not push! It will only make her feel insecure and lead her to wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are delicate creatures sometimes, and tend to analyze men's motives.
Guys, the best way to make her feel secure in entering the lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this not to find something better than her, but to enhance your already wonderful love life. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to swing. It is perfectly healthy for one or both of you to determine that your relationship isn’t quite ready to handle swinging yet. Ladies, the same goes for you if you are trying to involve your partner in this. Remember that even if the lifestyle isn’t in your future, you still have each other, and that should be enough.
Internet dating for couples is an overwhelming experience at times. Normal online matchmaking can be challenging, but multiply dating dynamics by two, and the search for compatible couples becomes even more complicated. For beginners, getting started in this journey is the first hurdle. Here are some tips to help you get the ball rolling.
Remember to read
Although pictures can be quite fun to browse, they aren't the only aspect of the people behind the profile. What may seem like a perfect match within the photo album may not be the case. Take time to read the profile as well. Many people take the time to create a well thought-out profile. In turn, they expect that those who contact them have taken the time to read the entirety of the profile's content. Some couples are seeking very specific things, and if you haven't read the profile before contacting them, you run the risk of sounding like a fool. When a member plainly states in the profile that they are only searching single females, and a couple contacts them about the possibility of swapping, it’s quite obvious that the profile was ignored and the pictures were the only source of interest. If you do not show due respect by reading key information, your success quickly declines.
One of the great things about reading others' profiles is that you can use that material to your benefit. When you make initial contact with another couple, pick something specific from the profile and comment on that. The best comment is often a compliment. For example, if you read something witty or noteworthy in the text, quote that and say something flattering. This will set up a small connection between you right away. It will also impress the object of your intrigue, placing you one step ahead of the "competition".
Be proactive, but not aggressive
Even though you have put much time and effort into attracting people to your profile, this is no time to just sit back and expect them to come to you. There are members on the site who do nothing but wait for others to contact the, which sometimes isn't very fruitful. Two negatives don't make a positive in this case. Be proactive and initiate contact yourself!
It matters not whether the male or the female makes does the contacting. If you are a couple, you can both sit down and have a say in the e-mails you send out. Usually, it is recommended that the more outgoing of the couple initiates the contact, since the enthusiasm will show through in the letters.
If you're already a go-getter in this regard, just be careful about not coming across as an overly aggressive couple. If the other party seems hesitant or uninterested, do not continue pushing. This will only create a poor reputation for you.
Avoid mass-mailing techniques
When you initiate contact with a member, it doesn't have to be a long involved letter. Some may choose to create a standard message to send others so they don't have to type out a greeting every time they e-mail somebody. Although this is the easy way to introduce yourself to somebody, it may not be the best. Receiving a ‘canned’ message isn't very personal, and may serve to turn others off. If you received a standard letter from someone that you know everyone else gets, would you feel very special? Probably not. In order for you to get noticed, try sending a short personal letter to those you would like as your potential playmates.
Don’t wait to set a date
Once the mutual attraction is established online, take advantage of it. Extend an invitation for a date. Remember, some people may lose interest if online communication is too long and drawn out. Seize the opportunity when the interest is fresh.
Swingers Profile Photos Online That Attract Couples For Dates
Once the website selection is determined, the fun part begins. Setting up an attractive comprehensive profile is the first key to your success. Don’t know where to start or what to include? Well, you’ve come to the right place for help.
Photos are the first key to online matchmaking success
Initially, you will need to focus on posting quality photos. If you are a couple, you will need to include photos of each partner. Too often, a couple’s profile is jam-packed with tantalizing photos of the female, but nothing of the male. Remember, the ladies want a sneak peak at what the male has to offer as well. The quintessential couples’ profile has individual photos of both partners, and at least one photo of them together. Posting a couple photo serves more than one purpose. When other members view your album, they know that you are a real couple, and not a single male posting photos of a cyberspace model in his profile under the guise of a couple, thus attempting to lure unsuspecting members into contacting him. Displaying photos of you together also serves to enhance your sense of ‘togetherness’ in others’ eyes.
Decide what type of photos portray your sense of adventure best
Another consideration when adorning your online ad with photos is the degree of naughtiness. Although this can be a subjective matter, the most success seems to come from profiles that handle their photo posting with a touch of class. Many websites have two to three different albums for their profiles. Oftentimes, you will find that there is a public album which is open for the entire membership to view, with no limitations. If you don’t savor the prospect of displaying yourselves in all of your naked glory for everyone to see, you can utilize this album for exhibiting clothed photos. Keep in mind that the first photo you post will serve as the defining image of your whole profile. The primary photo will be the one to show up when members are doing profile searches and checking to see who is online. It is also the icon that will show up when chatting and using public forums. Probably the most important role of the primary image is the one it serves in correspondence. When you contact others, it is the very first image they will see in their mailbox before opening up your letter. First impressions are lasting. So, ask yourself, “Do we want to post a close-up photo of our naughty bits for our primary photo and have everyone who encounters our profile to remember us as ‘that crotch couple’?” High quality swingers site rarely allow nudity in the primary photos. Besides, if you are meeting someone who only has their privates on display, how are you supposed to recognize them? Have you ever heard anyone exclaim, “Hey, that’s Bob! I’d recognize that crotch anywhere.”? Didn’t think so.
Quality vs. Quantity: Is one better than the other?
Although quality is perhaps paramount when composing a pictorial profile, quantity can’t hurt either. Posting a large array of photos will lure more peeks from other members. Variety within this array will also garner more interest. Professional photos are aesthetically pleasing, but people will also want to see what you look like under normal conditions. Some things to consider when varying your photos can be: everyday depictions of what you look like (not glammed up), photos taken of you at parties, outdoor shots, indoor shots and bedroom teasers. Those who are adept at programs such as Photoshop can also do some pretty neat renditions of photos, although it would not be wise to alter every picture with a photo editing program.
Portray yourselves as accurately as possible
Try to ensure that your pictures are an accurate representation of who you are and what you currently look like. If you post a ten-year old photo of yourself when you were thirty pounds lighter, this is what people will be expecting to see in person. You wouldn’t want to be deceived by others, so make sure you are representing yourself accurately.
Keep it fresh!
After a period of time, you may want to rotate your photos and switch out your main image. This can be done by choosing another picture already existing in your album, or by posting a brand new photo. Constantly rotating your pictures and/or adding new ones will ensure that your profile continues to get views, thus increasing the amount of correspondence you receive. Members are always on the lookout for fresh photos, and will sometimes take a moment to e-mail you their compliments on your new photos.
Swinging Etiquette: Giving & Receiving Rejection Online
There will always be the inevitable battle with rejection- both giving and receiving it. Here are some tips to deal with getting turned down and for turning other down with dignity.
Allow Others to Preserve Self-Dignity When Dealing Out Rejection
If someone e-mails you and they just aren’t your type, there is a simple way to let them know that you aren’t interested.
"Thanks for your interest in our profile! Although we do not feel that we are a match, we wish you the best of luck in finding what you seek. Happy swinging to you!"
If you’re open to pursuing friendships with others with whom you don’t necessarily seek a physical attraction, here’s a similar response you can send:
"Thanks for your interest in us! Although we don’t feel that we are a match, we'd still love to chat with you, since making friends is one of our main goals here. If a friendship with benefits is what you're exclusively seeking, we certainly won't take it personally if you don't wish to pursue us any longer. Either way, we hope all of your dreams and fantasies come true!"
This not only gives them the chance to take the rejection with their dignity intact, but it also proves you to be a classy person by responding to their e-mail despite your disinterest, and doing so in a classy manner. You do not need to provide reasons for your disinterest. That is your business, not theirs. If they write back asking for the reason, you can either choose to ignore it, or politely inform them that the reasons do not matter, only that you aren’t a match as you said in your initial correspondence.
When on the Receiving End, Don’t Take It Personally
You may also be at the receiving end of a rejection. Do not take it personally.
Everyone has their own standards and preferences. That is what makes a diverse lifestyle so wonderful. There is someone for everyone. Everyone has seen scenarios, though, where people's standards have been so high that they just couldn't find anyone they wanted. If this is what they are seeking, that's fine, but will make it very hard. You must remember that a lot of people are still trying to find that 'perfect' couple. You must also remember, though, that the 'perfect' couple may be seeking something even more 'perfect' than themselves. If people were to set their standards to something more attainable to them, they may have more luck. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be super picky. Don't be offended if someone tells you politely that you're not their type. Remember, you have your standards and they have theirs. Superficial sometimes? Yes. This is everyone's right, though. Just be persistent and open-minded, and you'll eventually find your perfect match.
Remember That People’s Preferences Can be Complicated
Over time, people’s preferences and experiences will evolve. Many times, you may notice that young people, or new people in the lifestyle go mainly by looks. There is nothing wrong with this at all, because this quest has a lot to do with attraction. Many are guilty or searching for Ken and Barbie at first. As one gains more experience in the lifestyle, one learns quickly that looks don't always equate to substance. You may desire more than just a one night stand, as this may not be your prerogative. You'll find that certain personalities become a turn-off to you, no matter how beautiful the person is, and certain personalities become an aphrodisiac, even if the initial attraction was not present. Many swingers prefer to find not only attraction, but personality, wit and humor. Impossible, of course not! All of us have met fantastic people with all of these qualities. No, it's not easy, but that's what patience teaches us. Most just aren't into the beautiful people who are ugly inside, and have found some of the most awesome people just by chatting and being friends first. This is only some people’s preference though, and you may evolve differently in the lifestyle. Thus, preferences vary vastly from couple to couple, and if we try to analyze one’s criteria for friends and bedmates, we will take the focus away from having fun.
Seeking A Single Female For A Threesome: Finding A Woman
In the lifestyle, the illustrious and illusive single female is often referred to as the Unicorn. For many couples, she is the one fantasy that is desired above all else. Yet, she is the most difficult to attain.
Even Fantasies Should be Realistic
Here, we see economic principles come into play - scarcity vs. demand. Single females are a rare commodity in the lifestyle, but they are out there. The mistake that many couples make in their quest for the unicorn is setting their expectations out of their reach. Many people seem to be seeking the young, attractive Barbie doll type to fulfill their fantasies of a girl-girl threesome. While it’s wonderful to have high expectations, one must realize that the ‘fantasy’ girl may remain just that - a fantasy, if that set of criteria is adhered to. You’ll come to find that due to the ratio of single females to couples and singles males on a swingers’ site, single females, regardless of age and appearance, will almost always have the advantage. The high demand alone will ensure that almost any type of single female can easily find bedmates of her liking.
Broaden Your Horizons
Women that possess youth and beauty have their pick of almost any man they desire because they are so sought after. So again, there is little incentive for them to go to bed with a couple that wishes to use them to fulfill their fantasy. Chasing unicorns of this type is usually a fruitless effort, and will serve to cause only frustration and disappointment. The chances of a couple luring a beautiful young unicorn into bed are extremely slim.
There are plenty of couples that do not place so many strict requirements on attaining a single female, and are more than willing to have the time of their lives with a lady of average age and average looks. Personality and physical prowess can make for a great time in bed. There are advantages to seeking an older woman as a bedmate. Some people falsely equate youth and beauty with dynamic bedtime skills. While there are certainly plenty of skilled young ladies out there, one may find that with age comes experience. Certainly, the most important goal for the vast majority of swingers is to experience something dynamic in bed, and a more mature woman may be able to provide the experience to fulfill your goal more than an inexperienced younger woman may. Older women also tend to be more secure and self-assured, and less likely to need any kind of attachment in order to partake in adult experiences with a couple. Obviously, the aforementioned generalizations are just that- general. There are always exceptions to the proverbial ‘rules’.
Treat Her Properly
If you truly wish to have a chance with a single fem, befriend her. From experience, this has been the best way to make a single lady feel comfortable with a sexual experience. Women, more than men, need to feel a certain comfort level, especially when sharing themselves sexually with not one, but two people at once. She'll most likely need to get to know you a bit first, since most women don't regularly practice jumping into bed with a couple. Don't pressure, don't make it your main prerogative, or allude to, getting busy. Act as if anyone would when making new friends, and get to know her. Have fun, do dinner, go to a club and talk as friends. If, after a while, she's comfortable with you, her body language will betray her desires. Even if your dreams do not come to fruition, you have still made a fast friend. If you don't end up sleeping with her, please don't give her the cold shoulder because she didn't give herself to you. Otherwise, she'll know you were after one thing, and that hurts. None of us are in the lifestyle to hurt others. After all, most of us have been at the receiving end of such deception, and we know how cruel it is. Bottom line, treat the lady like a person, and you'll go a long way. This is not only a lifestyle skill, but a life skill as well.
Swingers Clubs Events & Parties: What To Expect
Perhaps the one venue that frightens many newcomers to couples dating is a swing club. Whether you are on a website, or you choose to visit a swingers’ establishment to seek a match, swingers clubs are a surprisingly pressure-free atmosphere to do so. The following tips will help ease your mind when going to a swinger’s event for the first time.
Try Not to Set Too Many Expectations
If you choose to scout out a swingers club for the first time, have a general idea in mind of what you would like to accomplish beforehand. However, don’t be too disappointed if your aspirations aren’t met. The best goal is to go in with few expectations except for having a great time with your partner. Then, you’re guaranteed to meet your own goals. Anything else that may happen can be considered as a bonus. Also, don’t be fooled by illusions of grandeur that every member in the club will look like a Perfect 10. Most clubbers are just your average everyday folk there to let loose. You might find a handful of very attractive people, but it probably won’t be the majority.
Don’t Allow Your Imagination to Set the Scene Before You Enter
Many people who have not been to a couples club have misconceptions. They often envision walking in to a scene straight from Roman times, expecting people to grab them and pull them into the action. Swingers clubs, when you enter, look surprisingly like regular nightclubs.
You'll witness drinking, dancing, conversation and flirting. The attire can range from regular nightclub clothes to something extremely risqué. The only difference here is that if a lady wants to get naked on the dance floor, she usually can. If it's a more liberal club, you may occasionally see some light adult play as the night progresses. As for the hardcore, this usually takes place in special rooms away from the main area for members who choose to play on premise. There are usually private rooms and public rooms. If you want to explore on-premise swinging a little more, you can watch in a public room, or go have your own fun in a private room.
Look Forward to a Friendly Atmosphere
You’ll feel quite welcomed and comfortable as soon as you enter, and most clubs will give a friendly tour of the grounds. Feel free to ask your host any questions that come to mind, no matter how silly you think that question may be. Once you find a comfortable spot in the club, you may find that others will approach you for conversation, drink sharing or even dance requests. You are always welcome to decline, but you may find that engaging in the friendly approaches help to ease your first-time jitters. Remember, you are never obligated to do anything that you do not want to.
Etiquette is Expected
Swingers clubs aren't like regular night clubs because people tend to be much more polite, unlike regular clubs, which tend to meat-markets. The unsaid rule of a swing club is that you must ask first, ‘no’ means no, and that the ladies normally control the action. This is almost always respected and you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who steps over this line. Couples dating follows many of the same rules that regular dating does. Just because this is a venue for adult exploration does not mean that others will be disrespectful and assume that you are ‘fair game’ for anything.
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