Without saying a word.
Why has this affected me in such a manner? Why does the lack of interaction with my forbidden fruit torture my soul? Quite simply put, I have a need.
A need for love? No. Oddly enough, my heart belongs to my garden. My garden seems barren, and utterly lifeless at times; but I have made a vow to love this garden forever. I am very certain that, with time and effort, my garden shall be resurrected. Love, though waning, is still within my possession.
A need for companionship? Well, not given our current situation. I came into this with what I thought was a full understanding of the access restrictions that are imposed upon our individual lives. Limitations are inherent when forbidden fruit has her own gardener, and I have my own garden to tend to.
A need for physical pleasure? I don't have a creative way to say "no" on this one because I really want the girl...like, REALLY want the girl! After out first interaction, I wanted her more and more. After seeing some of her raw sexuality frozen in picture form my wants grew exponentially into outright incendiary DESIRE! Be that as it may, wants and desires in most cases do not qualify as needs.
I am a man. Man in the traditional, macho sense of he word. As a man I feel the need to be a leader, a teacher, a protector...a hero. I feel the need to rescue the damsel in distress.
I have a need to rescue.
Having a strong physical desire for this forbidden fruit, and seeing her unhappy with the gardener she currently employs makes me want to take her out of the situation she is in. I want to be the one causing this fruit to sweeten. I want to be the one that those beautiful eyes look to for comfort and satisfaction. I want to hear her say "I want you," "You're the one I need."
It is not realistic for me to be able to play this role. I understand this. That's not my aim. I want to be more of a mental/emotional rescuer. I want to show my forbidden fruit the strength she has inside. I want to encourage my forbidden fruit to take positive steps needed to improve her situation, and to show her that she may not need a gardener. I want to show my forbidden fruit that she deserves to be respected and appreciated. I want to show my forbidden fruit happiness...happiness that she expresses to me by saying "I want you," "You're the one need."
"Thank you for saving me."
How can I hear these words when she doesn't want me? How can I hear these words when she doesn't interact with me? How can I hear these words when nothing is said? How can I hear what I want to hear when nothing is said?
As futile and frustrating as it may be...
...I keep listening.