These thoughts and those like them swirl as if in a mist like heavy clouds that settle on a mountain top. I often feel the weight and add a few more bricks. At least, I did.
I'm walking slowly rather than allow stagnation set in or the death-grip of full blown rigormortis. I've had a great life filled with the multiplicity of unending challenges along the entire spectrum from awful to amazing. I am not fulfilled; there is so much more and my sexuality is certainly lacking in almost every way.
Sweet and Gentle is wonderful, more than wonderful but simply doing just because this is the way it's always been done isn't as satisfying. The nice girl and the nice guy. We get along and deeply care for each other. But the physical act is still the same story a merry-go-round repeating its path and tune over and over and over. The music box dancer dances with each lift of the lid. A preconfigured choreographed route etched upon a glass pedestal. I pretend and he doesn't know it. He thinks I'm happy with how he treats me in bed and there only. What happened to the silliness of two young lovers egging each other on with dares and taboos of when and where? "Good Night Honey." "Good Night" with a silent sigh.
Maybe it's me. Maybe it's him. It's probably us. I'm the sweet quiet country gal. Always good and wholesome, never a dirty thought. The whole town would be in shock and my embarrassment never forgotten; especially by the gentle man beside me. Oh, the things I'd like to try. Hush, my dear, nice girls would never do that; so don't ask. He'd divorce me if I said what was on my mind. He would be shocked and then seek divorce if saw the porn I watch on my computer.
I'd like to get out and explore the world. There's more to sex and fulfillment. I know! I know! The girl who works in the office next to me told me so and she loves it.
Here I start my journey. One that may never leave this page or this site. A secret self looking to experience the nuances of sex beyond the expected. I want to feel! I want to experience being submissive, silly and funny, and know what is kinky or what is just not right.