The feelings i enjoy of knowing that ihave such feminine emotions and wanting to express them in a practical waymanifest themselves by the desire to dress as a female, the fact that i willnever achieve the beauty of the genetic female is never a problem after all iam a male person with the attributes of that sex i do not want to change that.I have become a Transvestite and am happy to be just that because circumstancesallow no further development of my female personality. Dressing in the clothesof women and enjoying the softness of silk and satin,pretty fabrics andattractive clothes i now understand the feminine desire to shop for things thatfeel right and suit particular occasions, the need to not only look smart andstand out from a crowd but also very importantly to feel attractive to themale. When i am dressed in pretty undies together with an attractive top andskirt and am out and about the feeling of confidence all these things give isso strong and if my make up is done well then perhaps that feeling is as closeas it gets to being a female as i can achieve. I will settle for that and enjoythe the ability it gives me to make friends with guys who are pleased to be inmy company and enjoy the favours that only a Transvestite can bestow.
The period i spent deciding how i wantedto look and feel in in my new female role was vey exciting, imagine to be ableto decide exactly what clothes suited my personality and express the type of'girl' i wanted to be. The idea that my personality was not already formed andthat i could experiment with various clothing looks until i found the one iconsidered was for me was so exciting, i did just that for quite a long periodand after discarding various styles and looks i was at last happy with mychoice. I want to appear modern in bright colours when i feel confident and outgoing and to appear sexy if i feel that way, i love short skirts and thinshapely tops with open necks, when i am blue and want to feel more sober longerclothes and high neck tops are my choice, for my sleeping attire i adore silkysatiny nighties either short or long but my favourite is a lovely black seethrough negligee with frilly panties, oh so feminine. My shoes are mostly blackcourt although i have a nice pair of red sling backs with medium heels, in thesummer months i wear mainly open toe small heel shoes either in beige or black.Winter ankle boots are very snug especially when wearing a shortish skirt outat night. Over the last few years of Cross dressing i have now gathered a numberof outfits which i can interchange depending how i feel at any time again i nowcan understand a womens desire to own and wear pretty things. As for myunderwear well thats another story and one i absolutely revel in, i love myundies so much and get such a feeling of joy and sexual awareness when wearingthem either when i am fully clothed or with nothing else on. There is no otherpart of dressing en femme that gives so much pleasure to me as when i amwearing pretty soft sensual undies that i can feel next to my skin supportingand caressing my body.
As my confidence grew in my new self, amale by day in my work and being Alanya when ever the opportunity arose thedesire in me to dress in my lovely femme clothes and make my face up mainlywith lipstick, talc, eye liner and shadow increased. I remember the excitementof buying the first of two hairpieces i now can choose from, to be brown andcurly down to my shoulders or blonde and straight just below my cheeks, thechoosing was so difficult but in the end i chose to be both a curly shoulderlength brunette and a straight haired fringed blonde, how lovely it is to befree to choose exactly what you want to be and how you wish to look. Going outfor the first time i had great trepidation although i had taken great care withmy clothing and facial appearance and thought i could pass in public if no onetook the time to scrutinise my face, why should anybody do that unless i gavethe impression of nervousness and embarrassment i therefore took great pains towalk like a women but most of all to exude an air of femininity, little thingsi had noticed girls do with there hands, the small steps they take when walkingand moving forwards from the hips, brushing hair from there face and smalltosses of the head to keep there hair in place. I will remember that first timeof going out forever and also what i was wearing, my undies were a pink laceset of bra, suspender belt and panties with black stockings, my skirt was abovethe knee and vented at the back made of cotton and lemon coloured i rememberhow thin the material was, so sensual, my top was square cut above my breastsand was short sleeved gathered in a ruffle, it was salmon colour and tied atthe waist with ribbon. I wore a pair of new black court shoes that night andremember them as quite tight. Over all of this i wore a black knee length coatwith collar and buttoned at the front, my choice of hair piece for that nightwas blonde and i have to say i felt very feminine and very confident, thebutterflies in my tummy were very busy but the buzz i felt was awesome. Thiswas something i knew i had to do and now was the moment.
I live on the outskirts of town in aquite suburb where most people know one another but usually thats as far asthey want to go so its quite easy to move freely around without the possibilityof coming face to face with your neighbours. Going out in public without tomuch risk of exposure when starting out this new adventure has been a majoradvantage for me and given the confidence i now have continues to make myoutings not all nerve free but mainly most enjoyable and exciting. This firstouting was not as straight forwards as that as although i had taken time withmy dressing, make up and deportment i had no idea how i would be perceived bypassers by, for this reason i decided to walk to the local park but after darkand here i was leaving the security of my home and crossing the road away fromthe street lights trying to look casual and concentrating on my new femininewalk and posture, i was confident i could pass casual inspection but close up ididnt know. My first encounter with people came very soon and the reaction ofthree youg men in a small lorry was very encouraging a whistle from thepassengers window and a shout which i didnt hear very well but i knew that ihad appeared attractive to them, can you imagine the elation and relief i feltat my first encounter with my own sex dressed en femme and i had passed withflying colours, i think that moment has done more for my femme self esteem thanany thing i have achieved since. I continued my walk along the pavement andpassed through the park gates but the buzz i was feeling after being whistledat was still raging in me and i had to tell myself to be cautious and continue theconcentration i had been showing, the walk i had decided on in the park passedclose to a seated shelter and as i approached it i was not sure if there wasany one in there so i decided to pass as far away as i could but i need nothave worried as it was empty, this was an opportunity to do the natural thingand sit for a while and calm down. The shelter was open to the path at thefront and i could see both ways so i felt reasonably safe from being surprised,i opened my coat and lifted my shortish skirt to allow me to sit comfortablyleaving my stockinged legs to be exposed above my knees but not so much as toappear tarty and there i sat in my lovely clothes as i have described to you,being the girl i wanted to be for all the world to see, absolutely marvellous,i felt so liberated i wanted to shout out and let the world know how ifelt.Those moments are never to be forgotten but i felt it was time to returnhome i had now been out for over half an hour and every thing had been sopleasurable, as i got up to leave the shelter a dog appeared in front of me andknowing its owner would not be to far away i quickly buttoned my coat andstepped down onto the path walking towards the entrance i had come throughearlier, after i had taken a few steps and being concious of the way i waswalking a middle aged man appeared behind me,the dog was now trying to befriendly and the man called it back to him apologising at the same time i halfturned and blurted out the words "its ok" in the softest voice i couldmanage and turned back to the way i was going and continued walking home.Wouldi be convincing in my femme way of walking as he was only ten yards or sobehind, well he never came any closer and didnt say another word, i wonderedwas this because he was embarrased or had i experienced the male concern of notbeing thought a threat to a lady alone in the dark and vunerable, i like tothink it was the latter. My first walk lasted perhaps another ten minutes andagain the lovely feelings of being out in the public domain experiencingcontact with my own sex whilst dressed was making me feel very high, you canimagine the delight of taking my top clothes off when once in doors andenjoying the softness and sensuality of being in only my undies. What a climax.