This is just a small snipet of what I endured growing up and what in a way made my mind the way it is today why I like to be dominated and like to dominate in the bedroom and outside!
Growing up as one of 7 kids was fun I had a large family 9 aunty/uncles on one side 7 on the other. Meaning a lot of cousins. We were always given what we wanted bought loads of presents but where respectful and did as we were told. If we visited a house we did not sit until we were told. We never asked for food etc.
Our dad was strict he would beat my other sisters and brother I was the youngest girl I can not ever remember been hit! But remember my sister been thrown across the room onto a wooden sofa bed. My other sister thrown over a car. Yet we still behaved never left the garden.
Somewhere something went wrong. Slowly my brother went off the rails and my oldest sister got pregnant. My mum was quiet never went out much drinking we were typical family go to church every sunday in for 4pm bed by 6.
That was till my mum got a job, She started working in a shop the managers were gay lovers, the other works majority where lesbians gay or bisexual. Until this point I had never known about people like this. They showed my mum what she had been missing out of having kids so young and settling down. She started going into town friday nights then friday and saturday nights. She would come home drunk. My dad would also then get drunk and that would cause fight and arguments.
This continued for years we moved 3 times after this and I remember how horrible things had gotten. My brother was constantly drinking my sister on drugs the other had kids and was constantly out with my mum.
One night I remember waking to shouting and screaming and my dad saying I will go up their and throw them all down the stairs. Meaning the kids that where still under 16.
I remember one day coming home from school to find blood all over the living room, Turns out my brother had got pissed with my sister boyfriend and they argued over music they ended up fighting and my brothers mouth got ripped open he was fine though.
This caused more fights now my dad and brother would fight. One of my sisters often ran away from home slept around had a threesome with two males at 16 who where 23 and 26.
Me however I hide away I went and stayed with nanas In a sort of care home she had her own little flat in the building.
That and school where my escape.
Things got so bad, I remember I had hamsters and one had babies I remember like it was yesterday my older brother swinging the babies round stamping on them and laughting. I just wanted to run away at that point I had truely had enought.
But that was not the worse. My mum was out one night drinking came back and it caused arguments my dad went to hit my mum because rather then talking to him she was on the phone to some bloke laughing. This was when they split, The next morning I remember my dad comng upstairs talking to me and my sister 1year older then me crying saying they had split and she was taking us to a hostel. I hated her I would rather be with my dad. I hated more because that day was my sisters 11th birthday! She did not even have the mind to think give her a good birthday My sister did not even get a card!
So we moved to a hostel and my mum took my dad forgranted he took her to work us to school picked her up picked us up and took us home watched us while she went out and got pissed. My brother stayed with my dad. They got threw out a house and lived in the car for over 2 years.
I remember moving twice after this one into what they call a safe house apparently my dad used to beat my mum funny how she moved him in....
She went on holiday and left us with my dad came back claiming to have bought us these watch sets from cyprus for us to see the argos receipt!
We again moved to another house This house I remember my mum claiming my uncle had rapped her her own sisters husband, It was all hush hush my brother found out when he was pissed and stole my dads car and tried running my uncle over. My mum still says he did however not many believe her.
That was when I remember my brother running through the house with police chasing him.
My first 5 years of life was great then everything was horrible. We moved even more then at one of the houses my brother was accused of pinning a young girl up by the throat for threatening my sister. This caused a riot literly, We were stuck in the house with people throwing stones bricks and planks of wood at the windows threatening to blow the house up lots of police and riot vans and we stayed at my mums my dad and brother slept in the car.
At this point we moved into my dads because my mum no longer wanted us. Moving us into a 2 bedroom house with 7 of us. Probally the worst neighbour we lived in.
I remember guys with guns coming to one of our houses and guys with machetes apparently friends of the family helping my brother and mates because someone ripped them off for drugs.
In total I moved 12 times till i was 14. Each house brought more problems and more trouble.
I have to admit I did start to go off the rails when I was 16 I did not drink but dropped out of college lost jobs started hanging around people who took drugs got engage cheated and got pregnant at 18 which I am glad for I believe me getting pregnant at 18 brought me back on track. Because my friend I had been with also got pregnant but gave him to her mum and is now addicted to drugs.
Been pregnant also gave me something to focus on when my nana passed away 4 months before my son was born. I know for sure I would not have coped and probally would not be alive today had I not been pregnant because that is one loss I could not deal with.
So there it is. Just a small snipet not even 1/4 of what I have been through and seen to in a way make me who I am today. I still struggle to talk to my mum yes we talk but nothing like I did with my nana I do not understand why she could not stick by her kids and still go out and have fun.
I forgive my dad for everything not because Im stupid but the years he had us all alone he slept on a chair because I though it was wierd him sleeping upstairs with a house full of girls.
He went without food for days to feed us, He walked to collect us from our mums and carried our blankets and quilts back and forth when we stayed at his. He got himself into thousands of pound of debt for us to have food and clothes. He now suffers sever atharitus and has COPD. And is still not looking after my brother who has disabilities and is 21 and does not get a day off and is a pushover still drives my mum about takes her shopping and buys her cigs and takes them to her.
That is why I can not forgive my mum because even now after 16 years apart hes using him. Does not come see me has seen her grandkids once the past year and does not care as much as she says she does. I am however glad she got that job and those friends showd her what she missed as I do now having 5 kids myself understand how isolated she feels I am glad she finally got the sense of freedom and was able to experiment I just wish she did not do it at the cost of her children or rather my little brother who never had a mother he needed.
But I am glad because without it all I would not have my kids and the life I have now. Yes I may be have been normal in the bedroom but I love my life now.
I try hard not to think about my past because it is there to haunt me and pull me down to their level which I will not allow it to do.
I am still surprised that my family are shocked I don't drink smoke or take drugs. They ask why and I think it would be pretty obvious I have seen enough heart ach and problems caused from them three things that It has put me off for a life time.
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