I have realized after heavy intorspection and meditation that I WILL NOT accept my life not being lived vicariously through music. I know, I'm fucking crazy, but it's the ONLY way I can operate as a semi-sane human being. I have conceded that my incumbant won't give me the opportunity I seek. My father and I talked about it agian, then spoke to my grandmother and uncle. I'd like to go to Lahore then Karachi. Then Mumbai, then Maldives. Then Guam then the Philipines. Life is too precious of a microcosm to sit around in a bad situation in which my health is not getting better in a country with people that don't care about me. I will be my own ethnomusicologist, traveling throughout the Middle East, Subcontinent and Far East, mooching off my family there and taking on menial jobs. I want to document my travels this time, with a camera. This time around I will make it right, or I fail as a human. This will be nothing like when I was there three years ago. This is where I regain citizenship of the world and my own global independence. I have the family and resources in place to help me.
I will be speaking with unbcles and such in a matter of hours regarding arrangements. It took me this long; until today when I finally snapped and said it; "Dad, Pakistan or bust. I cannot take living in this shitty society in which I barely have family other than immediate. Torn shoulder or not, I will go and make it my life's work. So many stories have yet to be told, and I would never realize them from my ghetto Las Vegas apartment. It took this long but I'm glad it hapenned. I was told that if my attitude is positive, and I get in touch with the right people and do the right things, my wounds would mend themselves.
Why I just blogged about it in a sexforum, I have no clue. Maybe it's because I don't have a "myspace" nor do I write my feelings and experiences conventionally.
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