I need to let go of my fear of what may happen, let go of watching her every move, trust her not to run away from me, and take the time to find myself.
Only if I can find myself can I then rebuild this marriage.
I've taken the first step of rediscovering some old hobbies, and I'll be trying to redefine myself here on this board as well as elsewhere. I need to find some friends, get out of my house, and basically distract myself from what she's doing - and hope beyond hope that what she's doing isn't taking herself away from me, from us.
What will be will be... but if I can find myself again, then even if I get my heart crushed, at least I'll have myself at the end.