So now, my focus returns to the future - fixing my problems, so I can fix the problems in my marriage.
I am taking Xanax to control my anxiety attacks, and have started therapy for anxiety as well, both in a group setting and individual. The group therapist came across as quite judgmental, and so I'm not looking forward to going back, but I think my health care will require me to. The individual therapist, on the other hand, was incredible, and I'm looking forward to speaking with her again.
My wife has slipped back into depression, most likely in response to my continued anxiety, my insecurity, my inability to have faith in her feelings for me, etc... these things causing her to lose confidence in herself. She is no longer showing, nor accepting, affection. Unfortunately, this causes me to feel that she is disappointed in me, making me more anxious - which, in turn, disappoints her more.
I need to get my anxiety under control. I need to find my confidence, my security, and my faith in my wife. And I need to do it without her help - the one person whose help I most need.
There is a future for me... and if I don't screw it up, she'll be in it... but my track record for not screwing things up hasn't been very good lately. Let's hope therapy can get that turned around.