If you recall, she ended it with him so that he could pursue a real relationship with another friend of hers on Facebook. Well, that had a blow-up, because they are long-distance and communicate via text and email - and we all know how so much of human communication depends on inflection and tone, which is lost in text - and so, of course, things were misinterpreted and feelings were hurt. He ended up de-friending my wife and I, and has yet to re-friend either of us. He and the other friend eventually fixed their issues and are still going strong, but my wife's feelings were hurt and she slipped back into a deeper depression. She had been starting to come back out of her shell sexually, but that is gone now.
This development has been affecting me pretty badly lately - it shows me that her feelings for him were a lot stronger than she was willing to admit to me, much less to herself. It is depressing me even more, now, that her behavior changed so much for him - being more aggressive, wanting to be on top, wanting to give oral, being willing to take pictures of herself AND post them online (the last to she swore to me she'd never allow or do) - and that she doesn't find me to be interesting enough to inspire the same behavior.
This wouldn't be bothering me so much if I were getting ANY action at all, but... the only action I have gotten since the above event has been when I pestered her and got lucky that she was receptive instead of feeling pressured and getting resentful. She's been trying to show affection (in her way - by teasing), but because I'm bothered by what her actions tell me about her feelings for him and her interest for me (or lack thereof) the teasing has come across more hurtful than fun, and makes my mood worse.
I'm extra frustrated because she told me she had a sex dream about a female friend of ours - which usually ends up with her being warmed up and getting things started with me, but this time when I tried to get things going, I got rejected pretty emphatically - and has been really looking forward to a sex toy party she's been invited to. If she's in the mood, why the hell is she not interested in me?
The real problem here is that if I bring this up with my wife, she will claim that I am pressuring her, and it will push her further away. I say this because this is what happened the last time I brought up these issues, and the time before that.
She tells me I'm still her best friend, and I believe her. When she was with him, I told her I felt like he was her "Mr. Right" and I was "Mr. Right Now" - like he was her partner, and I was the "Friend With Benefits" - and of course she denied it... it really hurts to have my feelings confirmed by her actions, and to now be only a friend, seemingly with no benefits. It isn't all about sex, but... sex is a part of a healthy relationship, and what's going on - or not going on - really makes me worry about us.
I had stopped taking my Xanax for a few weeks, but now I'm back on it, just to get by. Unfortunately, due to financial troubles, I had to cancel my appointment with my therapist, and so I'm really a mess. Still taking it day by day... but I'm really wondering how I'm going to get over what her actions tell me about her true feelings for him, and lack of desire for me.