Well now that the prologue is done I guess I will delve into this full bore.(caution! This is almost worthy of shrink.)
I am having the best year I have ever experienced so far and I hope it continues. I am a year and half out of school and got lost in the quagmire that is the workforce. The carefree days of school are over but the mind has not yet figured out that working is not a bad thing, in fact it allows freedoms. Wow... I can see I am already rambling, this may get weird .
So as stated the year is going well, got a decent job in a field I don't enjoy much but it keeps me somewhat healthy and employed during these rough economic times which is more than I can say for a lot of my friends who are sadly struggling to find work. I feel lucky. I just went on a trip and have a trip to Thailand planned in spring. What more can one want you ask. Well for me it would be to enjoy that with someone special. I spent new years partying with friends getting drunk until I passed out but what irked me about this super fun night was seeing all the couples, being happy together and every time I see them smile I get a bit depressed because that is what I want to experience.
I don't know what happened to me but somewhere along the line I went from being able to talk to girls and strangers just fine to not talking to people I didn't know and almost fearing talking to girls. In middle school I developed this weird sense of self doubt and almost a fear of women which my friends made fun of when I went red in the face every time a girl talked to me. This anxiety has haunted me to this day. I have never had a girlfriend because of it and I am still a virgin at 23. I feel almost sexually repressed right now as I have been in this shell for too long, I get by from an mild addiction to porn and my hands. ugh.
Of course this may sound like I have a terrible case of depression but I got over that years ago. I do actually enjoy my life but there is a empty gap that has been there far too long.
The reason I joined this site was not to find a partner really but rather see if anyone had any suggestions to help me in the real world that isn't the internet. Damn the more I write about this the more I think my problems are bigger than what I thought!(oi). I started this blog as a form of self help so that I can finally rid myself of this terrible anxiety of meeting and talking to women and even new people. So as time goes by I will post updates, more of my past sexual problems or the lack there of and whatever else pops into my head.
Have a good one everyone.
Wow. I write too much without solid direction, I will work on it.