Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 06:10 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 06:53 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 06:58 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 07:17 PM
And BTW, its perfectly normal t have a wandering mind....its safe and you and only you are in there to know what you're thinking.
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 07:43 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 07:53 PM
Nope, you are not alone.
I have been married for 16 years and we finally have been having the sex we have always craved for 3 of those years. Dont get me wrong, sex was always good for the first 13 years, but is was rather vanilla. We argues for years over sex, never really ever telling the other what we really wanted. We finally layed it all out on the table one night and come to find out, we both wanted the same thing but we never expressed our true feelings as to not hurt the other ones feeings. If we had only had our talk 13 years previously we would have been having the sex we always wanted. We have made up for lost time, being both in our 40's we ar having the best sex we have ever had and it just keeps getting better due to our new line of communication.
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 08:10 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 08:41 PM
Sex is an integral part of any relationship. Good sex can make a bad relationship bearable and a good relationship great. It can also make a good relationship a pain. But like they stated, open communication is absolutely the key. It sounds as if you've already talked to your husband about it. I hope that works out for you.
A wandering mind is just fine though. As long as it's only the mind that wanders. Although it's usually best to wander about faceless strangers. It starts getting into a gray area when you start pretending it's other people that you know.
I've got several friends that have 'open relationships' with their husband/wives and I can't condone it. I've seen too many problems with that. I've also known a few swingers. And that's fine as long as you both are 100% in love and 100% comfortable with it. I've seen that tear apart some friends as well.
One thing to think about, and please don't be offended here, might be a threesome. Again, make sure you are both ok with it. If he would be against you with another man, a MFF threesome might be good because if you find the right woman that you can trust, but won't be in his life outside of this one special event, she can really push the limits of what he is comfortable with. Together you can entice him to be more forceful and dominant. And afterwards when it's the two of you again, you can mention specific things that happened that you liked.
But besides all of that, as always the best decision is communication. Go out, have a few drinks and then maybe one extra. Get passionate. Tell him what you want him to do in specific details over the course of the day before hand. Get him revved up. And tease him until he decides to take control. And then the next day tell him specific moments and actions that he did that were especially sexy.
We men are pretty simple creatures when it comes to love. If you say something is good, than it is good. If you don't say than it might be good it might not. But once you let us know. Especially after a small period of time has elapsed so that we can see it in our minds and kind of recap the moment...
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 08:45 PM
My wife seems to listen but I am not so sure she hears what I'm saying. You need to continually bring it up to your husband and maybe eventuallyit will register what your telling him
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 08:52 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 09:40 PM
Posted Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:03 PM
Posted Thu Aug 25, 2011 05:17 PM
Posted Thu Aug 25, 2011 06:17 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:05 PM
Well one thing is, sure makes it easy for me...
Bad part is, a woman with a strong sex drive is a rare and valuable woman indeed. Hate to see her wasted or unhappy..
Try this. This is what I would respond to (if I weren't already doing these things lol):
When he comes home, tell him you either masturbated to this fantasy (if you can tell him you do that, some can't, men don't understand) or dreamed it.
Tell him: "I've been so horny today. My pussy has been wet just thinking about you. I imagined you coming home, grabbing me in the kitchen and just taking me right there. You spun me around, grabbed me by the hair and spanked my ass. Ohh that so turned me on.. You were biting my neck while you pulled my pants down and grabbed my pussy. You squeezed it and teased it till you rammed you cock in from behind and just fucked me against the counter like a mad man. It was so fucking hot, it's all I can think about... "
I think a lot of guys don't realize they can do these things. Maybe he is worried you would think he is a freak or an asshole. He thinks of you as his sweet little wife without knowing that you want to be fucked like a porn star, dirty and dominated, exploring and hungry.
Posted Fri Sep 09, 2011 01:25 PM
I really like this response. As allforjulie and others noted, fantasizing about others is perfectly normal. It is taking it past fantasy without your partner (read: cheating) or resenting your partner because he does not live up to your fantasies that cause problems.
Also, as noted, if you feel guilt about your fantasies, then you feel less open towards your spouse, so start to withdraw from him emotionally and physically. You noted in below responses that you discussed your feelings with him; hopefully that helped your responses.
Regarding the suggestions of swinging and threesomes:
I'm not sure how on board I am with those suggestions. I swing, but also know that it is not for everyone. Rather than say "Try it" or "Don't try it," I'm just going to suggest that, if you do try it, then first talk the ideas to death with your husband and withhold nothing.
Swinging and threesomes can add spice to a happy, open, and stable couple, but can also horribly magnify any doubts, jealousies, and insecurities. So, again, I'm not saying yea or nay, but definitely keep the channels of communication open when it comes to your fantasies and desires before trying those routes.
Anyway, good for you for talking to your husband about your feelings. Keep it up!
Posted Fri Sep 09, 2011 04:43 PM
I know that everything I'm about to write has been said before and probably better in previous posts. But I thought I would add my two cents in hopes that it would resonate with you.
It's a good thing that you have opened the line of communication with your husband, but don't stop with just one. As a man with 63 years of living under my belt, I can tell you that sometimes it takes several talks "For the light to dawn over a marble head!" You, also, need to make sure that he really hears what you are saying, and not just listening. He needs to be an active participant in the conversation and not just a passive listener. From your answers to the other posts it sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction! "Just keep on truckin!"
It's not unusual for an adult whether, male or female, to fantasize about the unknown, and to look; as long as that is as far as it goes. I told my ex-wife that the day I stopped looking at women was the day she should bury me; to which she replied it's the same for me regarding men. It became a running joke between us, and we would point out other men and women to each other; because we trusted one another to not let it go any further. Don't let guilt get in the way of what sounds like a good marriage and relationship. Keep the lines of communication open, and I hope the two of you can reach a positive outcome. Good luck, and as the song says "Keep your head up!"
Posted Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:20 AM
Ah the leading cause of divorce...I'm sorry you are going through all of this and your right it is completely normal for females and males a like to have this issue. You say your family has no issues and is happy but at the same time your mind is wandering about other guys so bottom line something isn't going right. My best advice I could give you is sit down and seriously think yourself through this situation before someone gets hurt. No physically of course but rather mentally. You need to think about your family first and foremost and what you want the future to be like. If you have kids you def. need to put them first before your sexual desires because from a personal experience and being raised in a household where one parent wanted more it was not pretty and has made me grow up with many faults of my own. If you truly "cringe" when he makes a move on you then the honest to God advice I want to give you is counseling...Yea people look at counseling as silly or a waist but sometimes it helps reunite that "spark" you both might have had when you first got together. For your sake, his sake, and (if you have kids)your kids sake please consider my advice seriously and try to work this out. I hope you both the very best and may God guide you through this rough path that many face.