Is it ok to spy on his cell phone?
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 01:50 PM
My husband has started coming home later and having crappy excuses all the time. We have been married for 5 years and together for 10. Things have never been weird until now. A couple days ago I went threw his cell phone and seen a number that wasnt right. Ever since he has been guarding his phone like a hawk so I want to go a step further. I recently came across the website noWireSpy and am thinking about spying on his cell phone. I know I can catch him in the act but not sure if this would be crossing the line? My only problem is we have a child and one on the way.My children are my first concern. I dont know if its best to take a blind eye or to investigate further?
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 01:58 PM
In the mean time, start making arrangements for both your kid and your baby... If you are that suspicious, I would certainly make a plan. These things are always unpredictable... I'm not the kind of person who'd get jealous, but I'd definitely protect the interests of my children above anything else.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 02:05 PM
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 03:42 PM
From my experience, when your gut is telling you something, sometimes its best to follow up on those instincts. This should only be done if you are prepared to find out the worst. If you cannot handle what you may find then you probably do not want to go digging into other peoples dirt. This will consume you and it is so not healthy for your mental well being. Again, its nice to finally have the proof you were looking for, but it will takes it toll on you in the long run if you find nothing tangable to confirm your suspicions.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 04:28 PM
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 04:39 PM
this is probably the best advice. If you're having a problem in the relationship, address it. Tell him you want more time, want date night, etc.
Personally, I'm a snooper. If I want to know something, I don't have qualms about it. That said, my girl and I frequently share passwords and what not, and I've never even logged into her email account.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 04:48 PM
Lack of trust will kill a relationship fast. Hell, for that matter I've seen situations where lack of trust and jealousy actually drive the other to go ahead and do something that they might not normally do... "if I'm being accused of it all the time, then why not??"
My man and I both know each other's cell phone lock codes and have no problem with the other looking at each other's phones- we've nothing to hide... and go figure, we don't.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 05:07 PM
Me and my wife don't really hide anything though so it wouldn't matter to us. I have the same password for everything, which she knows and she has the same password for everything, which I know. Think it just comes with marriage. We often look through each other phones, not because we really think we're going to find something - just to see whats gone on.
In all seriousness though if I thought I had cause for concern I would want to know for sure and so I would find out. Maybe that's coz I'm quite young but I would like to know. Yes relationships need trust but you've also got to put your mind at rest if something is enough to arouse suspicions.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 06:21 PM
Before getting to the cellphone question, there are a couple of other questions to ask yourself. Has this been a particularly difficult pregnancy for the two of you? Were there any issues before you became pregnant? Did he behave this way when you were pregnant with your first? Think about what is different now than before.
Next you need to think about what you want to have happen if he is seeing someone else. Big fight, couples therapy, separation, divorce?
Based on those answers, what will you do with the information you would get from his cell phone?
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 07:51 PM
I'm really torn on the issue of privacy when one feels like the other is up to something. Does a presumption of guilt warrant snooping around? As much as I personally would if I was in your shoes, I don't think it's justifiable. Easier said than done though. Respect is hard earned, especially when we think it's being abused,
How has the relationship been up till now? Any other changes that you've noticed like lack of 'two of you' time? Less affection or sex? It could be that work has been honestly keeping him away, or stress at home has. I'd try to have more alone time with him to make sure that connection is still there, and to make sure he doesn't have as much free time to do whatever that he shouldn't be doing.
Posted Thu Sep 15, 2011 09:31 PM
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 07:23 AM
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 07:32 AM
Don't accuse, just ask him. A few times my wife suspected me and when she falsely accused me I lost a lot of trust in her. We still haven't recovered from that yet but we're working on it. I've given her an open door policy to my computer or phone. If I'm going to be late I'll text and why. She can also follow me with Google Maps app on our Droid's if she wants though I don't think she does. It's not unreasonable for spouses to be accountable to each other as far as when and where they are.
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 08:13 AM
Confront him, and do so directly. Do not pussy-foot around it, and let him know that lying is going to get him divorced and paying a nice round sum in child support every month, and that honesty is going to be the BEST way out for him even though it'll be hard to admit what's happening.
Do not snoop through his phone, doing things like that makes a person hate another one.
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 09:01 AM
I've been on both ends of the snooping. When my last gf had all the signs of cheating, i snooped through her messages, and found an awful lot. I then confronted her, but she was so mad about me snooping that she was impossible to talk to. Another time later on she went through my phone, and i lost my shit at her. Since i then understood why she had hated it, I never did it again. I'm pretty protective of my phone regardless of what's on it, but yeah, snooping just deepens trust issues.
As a few people have said, if you suspect something, talk to him about it, but do it tactfully. i dont like the word confront in this context, because going in mad and all guns blazing is gonna work him up just as much as snooping will. Bring it up in a way that allows him to connect with you and respond openly.
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:27 AM
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:42 AM
sit him down, ask him straight up and gauge his reaction
Posted Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:23 PM
Personally I say its not,my gf can go thru my phone be ok with it if she asked but it'd annoy me if she took it n checked thru.If theres no trust then she's no need to check up.Trust n respect are the foundations of any relationship.
He may be offended if you do there may be any number of innocent reasons why he's guarded over his phone inc things he may not want you to see even thou he may not be cheating on you !!!
Also its giving in to your paranoia what if you find nothing,will it answer your fears or how long b4 you think hes deleting numbers n are paranoid again,its a slippery slope.
Dont sacrafice trust over unsubstantiated fears.If you haue solid cause for doubt then rethink taking drastic steps not before !!!