kind of bummed need encouragement.
Posted Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:28 AM
She thought I was rather bad at keeping any sort of balance in my life. I thought I was doing rather well considering the tremendous pressures and obligations I have been under. I am in the last couple of months of my advanced studies. I've had to work a lot of 70+ hr weeks but I always managed to try and find time to see her, plan dinners and little activities for us to do. I have a good job lined up that will not have anywhere near the time demands my current situation has and will make very, very good money. I was looking forward to settling down with her after 10 years of school and to start spending time doing more fun and exciting things. She knew right from the beginning that I would very likely not find any work in my field where I currently live.
She started becoming very critical of me. She seemed to not like many of the things I would suggest for us to do. She started being rather vocal about her disapproval of my friends and eventually even my own family. So I just stopped trying to include her in a lot of those activities and just did what she wanted. She had mentioned that she would like to try swinging in the past but I had no strong feelings about it. She never seemed to make much of a fuss about it so I never really put a lot of thought into it. She started to mention it more and more. After a lot of serious consideration I decided that it would never be something I could indulge her in but that I understand that people have different wants and didn't judge her for it. I told her my feelings I had come to and she just flipped out and started to criticize my sexual performance and my appearance.
I've put on about 15 pounds in the past year but still manage to work out about 3 times a week. No woman had ever complained about my sexual skill before and it hurt my feelings that she would be so vocal about something so intimate. There is no real excuse for my weight gain but she has always been heavier than me and in our relationship she had put on more weight than me.
I feel stupid for having put up with all of this for so long. I've always been pretty reserved and shy around women but before we met I did okay. I now feel so insecure and unlikeable after this. Finishing my PhD in february now seems so anticlimactic being that I am moving across the country to be right at square one in my personal life. Until then I am just going to put my sex life on hiatus, lose weight and get my career going. Wish I wasn't so insecure but at this point not much I can do about it. Hopefully things will turn out better next time. Has anyone here been in a similar situation where your career has taken precedence over your sex life? Did your love life get better after your career got started?
Posted Tue Nov 22, 2011 05:16 AM
You can get your confidence back up again and the attraction forum website by nick savoy is a great website for pick up advice!
But careers do build confidence and also add to your attraction too! My career helped me a lot!
You tried to make your ex feel special but she wasn't that receptive and didn't want to do your kind of things. Dont let her destroy your confidence. I hope you will find a nicer person next time! Check that website out, it is a good one! Quite a lot of reading but very helpful!
I really wish you well for the future and good luck!
Kind regards, Boucaneer.
Posted Tue Nov 22, 2011 05:33 AM
You sound like a man with a bright future ahead of him. If I was in your shoes I would be the most confident men in the world. A college graduate with a job lined up that pays really good money. Women love those attributes. Your a catch! You should be walking with your head up right now, and feeling good about yourself.
What happen with your ex is unfortunate but there is not point in beating yourself up over it. Try to focus on your bright future and start thinking about all the positives in your life right now. Your single take advantage of it and meet new women, get to know the new you, have fun and enjoy your new beginning.
Posted Tue Nov 22, 2011 06:06 AM
Don't beat yourself up over it. Keep your head up. Don't let the breakup with your ex dictate your life and make you feel as if you aren't worth as much as you really are.
Like dpisnice said, take time out for yourself, focus on all the positive aspects of your life and enjoy the new life that's ahead of you. It will be tough for a while, but I'm sure eventually, someone will come along who will truly love you for who you are, no matter what, and stick with you to the end.
I wish you the best!
Posted Tue Nov 29, 2011 06:42 PM
I have a friend who is constantly breaking up and making up with her boyfriend. Their relationship is all but smooth. When I ask her why she puts up with that shit she says it's because she's been with him forever and she "just wants someone to spend her life with." As an outsider looking in it's easy to say "That's silly, your life is longer than that and there are 7 billion people on the planet!" At the same time I can also understand the desire to have that person around still even though you may not necessarily be "happy" together. They've become a very important part of your life and when they're not there you definitely feel it.
Aside from empathy I don't have much more to offer you unfortunately. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, it is true what they say... "Time heals all wounds." (Not that wounds don't leave scars)
Best of luck, homie. Keep your head up.
This post has been edited by konfyouzd: Tue Nov 29, 2011 06:44 PM